Genetic Sexual Attraction: Separated By Time, Brought Together By Genes?

When the first Israeli kibbutz (a word that roughly translates to "gathering") was established in 1909, it was obvious that this unique mix of Zionism and socialism had something special to offer. Who would have guessed that the movement, initially centered around collective farming, would shed light on one of the most interesting questions surrounding human sexuality, though?

Kibbutz kids were, while their parents were occupied with their respective tasks, raised collectively in age-based peer groups — forming much closer bonds than the children belonging to the same classroom do, bonds that more closely resembled the kind of relationship you would expect between siblings.

Later research of these children revealed that of 3,000 marriages within kibbutzim, only 14 sealed the unions between children raised within the same peer group — and none of those involved kids who spent their first six years of life together. This data represented the Westermarck effect in action. Finnish anthropologist Edvard Westermarck had argued as early as 1891 that it was being raised in close domestic proximity that put a biological "stop sign" on sexual attraction, a means to prevent incest and the possible genetical consequences. The effect, though not universal, has since been observed in other settings as well.

Yet, research suggests that humans tend to be sexually attracted to those who resemble them, and more specifically their opposite-sex parent, in a phenomenon known as assortative mating. Why that is the case isn't clear at the moment, but the connection exists. This doesn't mean Freud and his Oedipus complex were right, because, after all, the Westermarck effect plays a role as well, striking out close relatives as potential ideal partners. 

What happens when close relatives, such as parent and child, or two siblings, were not together during those crucial formative years, though? What if these relatives, having been separated by circumstances like adoption, later meet up?

In a perfect storm of taboos, all kinds of factors can come together. There's the missing Westermarck effect, the proven tendency of humans to be attracted to those like them, an eerie and often spiritual-like feeling of recognition, and, so often, the shared pain of separation that only that other person can fill. And there you have it, a phenomenon that few people really like to ponder but that's nonetheless all too real and all too human: Genetic Sexual Attraction.

READ Sexuality: Judge Self - Use Others

Mother of nine Monica Mares gave birth to her son Caleb when she was just 16. Finally meeting him 18 years later, she said: "It was love at first sight." We're all familiar with emotional reunions between birth parents and adopted children, people who finally get the chance to get to know each other after years, often decades, of yearning for each other. This story went a step beyond, though. The pair fell in love. Mares told the press:

"He is the love of my life and I don’t want to lose him. My kids love him, my whole family does. Nothing can come between us not courts, or jail, nothing. I have to be with him. When I get out of prison I will move out of Clovis to a state that allows us to be together. Caleb is willing to go through the same thing. Whatever it takes to be together."

Now charged with incest, a criminal offense, the two have been court-ordered to refrain from having contact with each other and are awaiting trial. Like others who have spoken publicly about Genetic Sexual Attraction, they were met by a wall of misunderstanding. It's "disgusting, it’s gross, she’s your mom", people told Caleb through his Facebook profile.

Falling in love with your parent, child, or sibling is certainly one thing: socially unacceptable. Given the images of coerced incest — rape — that everyone reading this right now is almost certain to be conjuring up, that makes all the sense in the world. We are not talking about unconsensual situations here, though, are we?

Genetic Sexual Attraction: Is Engaging In A Romantic Relationship With A Close Relative Wrong?

Professor Michael Bailey, with Northwestern University's Department of Psychology, has studied human sexuality and sexual orientation in detail and isn't afraid to uncover truths many people find uncomfortable over the course of his research. He shared with SteadyHealth:

"I do not see any ethical problem, assuming the persons involved are at least as old as we allow others to engage in sexual activity. People confuse “unethical” with “creepy” in this case. Most people find the idea of sex with a close relative creepy, because they experience aversive feelings contemplating it, presumably due to the Westermarck effect. But what is the ethical harm?"

To the extent that incest is banned due to concerns about birth defects, it is at least rational and defensible. However, we do not ban people with various genetic defects (like Huntington’s Disease) from reproducing. Given that our REAL issue with incest seems to be squeamishness, I am inclined to say we should stay out of such decisions, just as we should other sexualities that make us squeamish.

Exactly why Genetic Sexual Attraction occurs is still up for debate and to be researched, but what's abundantly clear is that it isn't a rare phenomenon. Indeed, the pull of the familiar is apparent so strong that, as data from the Post-Adoption Centre and University College London suggests, that Genetic Sexual Attraction may occur in as many as half of all cases of reunion!

One woman, Natasha Rose Chenier, describing her very complex feelings about her relationship with her father after being reunited with him for Jezebel, called it "normal, and very real". It's hard to describe the phenomenon as anything but "normal", isn't it, really, when it happens that often?

Normal or not, however, and completely laying aside the societal notions we have nearly all been raised with, namely that you just don't pursue romantic relationships with close relatives, are there any ethical issues with such relationships? Chenier, after sharing her story so publicly and bravely, offered the following opinion:

"If it is a parent-child relationship, the parent, whether male or female, is always responsible for establishing and maintaining boundaries. Failing that, they are sexual abusers."

That is, when dealing with parent-child sexual attraction, even when both parties are adults, there is a very definite disbalance of power that exists by virtue of the parent being the genetic parent. All those years of being apart both blur and exacerbate that power disbalance: the adult child has not experienced their biological parent in the parenting role, but precisely as such has often craved exactly that their entire childhood. Being in the position of greater power, it is the responsibility of the parent to keep their child safe.

READ Memory Processing Styles Could Affect PTSD Risk

Bailey, however, does not agree. He said:

"If she was above the age of consent, and he did not coerce her, then they both chose to be there."

Genetic Sexual Attraction — it's hard to look for a topic more complex than this. Emotionally, genetically, socially, the phenomenon has far-reaching implications, as those who find themselves in its grip soon understand. One thing is clear, though, and that is that Genetic Sexual Attraction is as real as it is complex. Those who find themselves in its intense, powerful, grip will never benefit from condemnation or ostracizing, and instead need for the rest of us to recognize its existence and find ways to support them in dealing with their feelings.