Known Donor Or Sperm Bank? Options For People Considering Sperm Donation To Become Parents

Are you currently considering conceiving a child with the help of a sperm donor? Here's an overview of the things you will want to consider. 

Who Uses Donor Sperm To Conceive?

Donor sperm is an option people may consider if they want to conceive a child but:

• There's no intended father to provide the sperm — this applies to lesbian couples and single women.
• The intended father has no sperm or sperm of a very poor quality, as shown in a semen analysis. 
• The intended father has a genetic condition he does not want to pass onto his offspring, or has HIV (though sperm washing may also offer a HIV positive man the possibility of having biological children without passing the disease on).

What Do You Need To Do Before Choosing To Conceive Using A Sperm Donor?

Examining, deeply, how you truly feel about donor sperm is hugely important — probably more so in families where there is an intended father who would be raising a child not biologically related to himself, but also for single women and lesbian couples. In couples, both partners should be absolutely on board with this big decision. During the exploratory process, it is immensely beneficial to openly discuss all concerns, fears, and hopes, either within the partnership or with the help of a licensed therapist who hopefully has experience with donor issues. 

Taking a close look at how you feel about different types of donors is also a good idea. Some people prefer to use a donor who they do not know personally, while others like the idea of a donor who will later be accessible to the child. In the latter category, some people choose donors who take a more active part in a child's life, perhaps being a sort of "uncle" or a family friend, while others prefer a donor who is (much) more distant but still available to answer questions about medical history or to give a child a better idea of their biological heritage. Donors who provide their gametes to sperm banks may be completely anonymous, providing only information about their basic attributes such as height, age, ethnic heritage, and sometimes interests and qualifications, along with their medical history. They may also be ID-release donors whose identity will become available to the child upon turning 18. The possibilities here are going to vary from jurisdiction to jurisdiction.

Different types of donors are going to come with different pros and cons. With a sperm donor known to the intended parent(s) personally, there may be legal issues to explore, particularly if the mother is going to inseminate herself at home without medical supervision. It is possible that your sperm donor will be seen as the legal parent of your child. In 2014, a Kansas court ordered a sperm donor to a lesbian couple to pay child support after one of the women applied for public assistance, despite the fact that the donor had signed a contract waving his legal rights, despite the fact that he was not acting as a father, and despite the fact that neither of the child's mothers asked for this. The other side of the coin is that sperm donors may, under certain circumstances — and especially if they have a relationship with the child — seek and be granted parental rights. This is particularly true for single women and lesbian couples in which the second (non-gestational) mother is not also a legal parent due to legalities that disallow this (which are, fortunately, disappearing fast!). In the case of married heterosexual couples, the mother's husband is still automatically considered to be the legal father of any child born during the marriage, so these couples have less of a worry in this department.

READ The Psychological Implications Of Egg And Sperm Donation

Finally, but certainly not least importantly, you will want to consider how your child is going to feel about being a donor offspring. For a more detailed account of how donor offspring feel about their origins, see the link directly above this paragraph. It is important to note that many donor offspring do feel extremely positive about their origins, something research shows is most likely within lesbian families. How you handle providing your child information about their origins is going to have a huge impact on how they feel, so it is a good idea to begin considering this when you are still exploring using a sperm donor to conceive.

Conceiving With A Sperm Donor: Known Sperm Donors Vs Anonymous Sperm Donors

Considering A Known Donor: What To Think About

A "known donor", "known sperm donor", or "known gamete provider" is, for the purpose of this article and generally in the context of sperm donation, a man personally known to the woman or couple seeking to conceive with the help of his sperm. That definition allows for rather a broad range of possibilities, however, from a lifelong or very close family friend to a relative of the non-gestational partner (if there is one), and from a distant acquaintance to someone you just met on the internet, sometimes for the very purpose of obtaining his gametes. 

Unfortunately, it's not possible to cover all the advantages and risks of using a known gamete provider in one section of an article that won't be longer than 2,000 words. Figuring out whether a known donor is a good option for you is going to take an awful lot of research, soul-searching, and — ultimately — legal counsel. 

Having said that, here are some issues you will want to consider while looking into the viability of conceiving with the help of a known sperm donor:

• Being aware of the legalities of using a known sperm donor within your particular jurisdiction is of paramount importance. This fact cannot be stressed enough. You need to find out if, and if so under which circumstances, the donor may possibly be considered, by a court, to be the legal parent of your child — even if you trust the donor with your life, because he's your partner's brother for instance. To make this happen, consulting a lawyer who is deeply familiar with gamete donation issues is recommendable. For a general-interest perspective on legal issues surrounding third-party provision of gametes, I'd highly recommend law professor Julie Shapiro's blog on the topic. I am providing the link in the links box at the bottom of this article.
• If you are considering DIY, at-home insemination, please do not forget to have the donor undergo testing for sexually transmitted diseases. If you are using a fertility clinic, because you are going the Intrauterine Insemination route for instance, this will likely be part of the whole package — but still check it out.
• What role would you ideally like your donor to play in your child's life? Think about that, and also think about the emotional implications of what happens if things turn out differently than you expected. (Legal issues are covered above.) What if your donor would like to play a bigger role than you envision? What if he isn't willing to have any contact after all?

Using A Sperm Bank

Would you like to make very sure that your donor does not play an active role in your child's life? Then using a sperm bank is almost certainly going to be the superior option for you. Here are some things to consider before choosing a sperm bank:

• Though you will be able to choose the donor on the basis of ethnic heritage, physique, the profile they provide, their medical history, and some other attributes, you will want to check what procedures your sperm bank has in place to ensure the donor you choose is truly the donor whose gametes you will be receiving. Also keep in mind that, though you will receive a basic medical history, you will probably not be able to contact the donor — directly or indirectly — for additional information should your child have a medical condition.
• What procedures does your sperm bank have in place for ensuring that no single donor produces a very large number of offspring, especially offspring in close geographical proximity? You want to minimize the risk that your child will one day fall in love with a donor sibling without knowing it. Unfortunately, there have been cases of sperm donors producing close to 100 offspring.
• Modern technology — more specifically DNA testing and the internet — mean that anonymity may not really be anonymity. On the positive side, this means you may be able to find donor siblings should you want to. On the other hand, your donor may be able to find your child.
• There are signs that anonymous sperm donation may soon altogether be a thing of the past. By choosing a known donor, you will be able to select a person you actually like. The same thing cannot be said for sperm bank donors.
• If your child's ability to see the donor in person or have some type of relationship during childhood is important to you, then using a sperm bank is not the choice for you.