Toddlers and Imaginary Friends

Having imaginary friends is very common between 2 and 3 years of age. Two thirds of the toddlers have imaginary friends. They usually disappear within 6 months whether or not the caretakers encourage the children of having them.

Normal social developmental milestones in toddlers

The following are some of the normal social developmental milestones seen in seen in toddlers:

• At around 15 months of age, children indicate desires or needs by pointing. They hug their parents.
• At around 18 months of age children seek help when in trouble.
• At around 2 years of age children often tell immediate experiences. They are interested in listening to stories with pictures
• At around 30 months of age children pretend in play
• At around 36 months of age children play simple games

Who are imaginary friends?

Imaginary friends are virtual companions of the toddlers. They come in all sizes and shapes. The imaginary friends of toddlers are based on someone the toddlers already know. They may sometimes be some of the characters of a story which the mother narrates to them or even a toy with which they spend most of their time. Toddlers can even have imaginary friends who do not resemble anyone but who are based purely on their own imagination. Whoever may be the imaginary friends of the toddlers, having these kinds of virtual friends is not a matter of concern.

Having imaginary friends allows the toddlers to experiment on doing things by various ways. It helps the toddlers to learn to play games in highly creative manner. It allows the toddlers to safely test various feelings and actions. It helps them to overcome stress.

According to various theories proposed by the psychologists, observing the conversation of children with their imaginary friends helps to know about their anxiety and fear as well their aspiration and perception of the world.  According to the American Psychological Association, toddlers having imaginary friends make them attain significant readiness skills. This can be used to prepare them for school. According to American Academy of Pediatrics, imaginary friends and make believe play can be a creative way for the toddlers to try out various behaviors and emotions, have conversations and sample different activities.

Toddlers and imaginary friends may be constant companions or the imaginary friends may be occasional visitors in their life. Also the toddlers may sometimes have imaginary friends only in certain places and not wherever they go and play. But however imaginary friends are not lifelong companions for toddlers.

When do imaginary friends appear in a child’s life?

Though imaginary friends may be seen in the life of children between 2 and 7 years, they are more commonly seen in the life of toddlers. They can be seen in children as young as 2 years. Whether these toddlers have a single friend or a group of imaginary friends, they usually disappear after a few months. They are not seen for ever. They usually disappear within 6 months. But rarely imaginary friends may be seen extending in to their adolescent or even adult life.

Why do toddlers have imaginary friends?

Imaginary friends allow the toddlers to explore a fantasy world which they create all by themselves. These toddlers have imaginary friends for various reasons which include:

• To have someone to listen to them and support them
• To have someone to do something at least virtually which they themselves cannot do it in real
• To have someone who is very special and belong only to them
• To have someone who do not judge them or find fault with them
• To have someone to spend time with them and play with them

These toddlers are in charge of whatever the imaginary friends say, do or play. Studies have shown that toddlers with imaginary friends are more imaginative. It was also found that these toddlers enjoy fantasy stories.

Read More: Toddlers Can Get Anorexia, Too

What to do when a toddler is found to be having imaginary friends?

The imaginary friends of the toddlers may appear or disappear for no apparent reason. The mother should worry or panic when she sees her child having imaginary friends. She should not think that her child is having some sort of multiple personality disorder. The way in which the children talk or play with their imaginary friends can tell what they feel. This allows the mother to assess her child. She can know about her child’s likes and dislikes, and the inner self.

It can be worrying or annoying sometimes for the mother when her child has imaginary friends. Some of the common circumstances when it can be annoying or worrying are:

• The child may mess up with something. They may do or say something which they are not supposed to do or say. When the mother scolds him or her, the toddler will put the blame on the imaginary friends. Though having imaginary friends is harmless, it is not appropriate in situations like these. This sort of behavior indicates that the child knows what is right or wrong but is not ready to assume complete responsibility for it.  The mother should be very strict when she encounters situations like this. She should tell her child that it impossible that the imaginary friends could have done it. Having said that she should make her child to clean up the mess.
• The mother should not allow her child to have only imaginary friends with no real friends. Social interaction is one of the important things in development. If the child likes only a virtual friend and does not mingle with any “real” child of her age, it indicates there is something wrong in the social development of the child. In these circumstances, the mother should seek help from a child psychiatrist.
• Mothers should avoid shaming or dismissing their child's imaginary friends, as this can harm the child's self-esteem and creativity. It's important to respect and validate these imaginative expressions, which are a normal part of developmental growth. Dismissing them could make a child feel misunderstood or embarrassed about their feelings and imagination, hindering their emotional and social development.
• Mothers can use imaginary friends as teaching tools by engaging in discussions about emotions and social situations, fostering empathy and problem-solving skills. They can also incorporate these friends into learning about responsibilities and routines, enhancing communication and storytelling abilities. This imaginative play supports moral and ethical development and helps in navigating new experiences, positively impacting emotional and social growth.