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Hi. I had an abortion 2 and half weeks ago. I was 7 weeks gone and pressured into it. My boyfriend just didn't want the baby full stop and his dad told him i better get rid of it too. (theyre very respectable people) my dad told me to get rid of it and said if i wanted the future i want then i cannot have the baby. Im 18 years old and i only new about the pregnancy for 2 weeks so my head was all over.
I booked the abortion and went for the vaccum procedure. My doctor forced the idea of Implanon on me and i signed the contract. When i went to get my blood tests i told the nurse i didn't want the implant in my arm because im terrified on needles and the thought of it just made me feel sick. she told me because i had signed a contract the doctor might refuse the abortion if i did not get the implant so i had no choice.
I went in for the operation and the implant was inserted.

Now all i do is sit and cry. i work in a shop with baby clothes and i just never stop thinking about the abortion. the guilt is so overwhelming and i regret it so much listening to everyone when i should have told them all where to go! All i want now is my baby back. But because i cant i just think about falling pregnant again and not telling anyone till it's too late but then i feel selfish on not keeping the first baby.

Im depressed all of the time i feel suicidal and i cant stop crying. i snap at my parents all the time and my boyfriend isn't here to support me as he's away at sea for 4 month. he left the day after the abortion and isnt back till december so i feel all alone. i try to tell people but they just think im being 'dramatic' when im sayin i wish id kept it and how i feel. i feel like noone is here for me and noone would care if i was gone.

i need help on what to do because im so close to snapping.

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:-( Im sorry to tell you this but ur only going to fell worse. Its Been 4years and i still cry every once and a while. Let me give u some advice dont get pregnant to replace that baby because i did that and it was worse im actualy mad at myself more because i have a kid now. When he was born i keeped thinking of what could of been with the other one and i got realy depressed so realy dont do it. Im still with the father of my dead baby too and to this day i secretly hate him for pushing me to do this all i honestly want is my baby back. i was 9 weeks and 3 days pregnant. And as for you woking with baby stuff well first off u need to work somewhere else or u are going to go nuts. Real get out of there as soon as u can thats not good for u. And another thing when ur boyfriend comes back u will fell better because if he realy cares about u he will confort u. Mine didnt :-( hope this helps u at least a lil,
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Wish you loads of courage to get over this painful episode. What has happened cannot be undone. Being a parent is a responsibility you have to shoulder all your life. It really matters if your partner is willing and ready, and not feel trapped by having the baby.
If your boyfriend is really the one for you then I'm sure you'll have a baby in due time, when both of you are ready to take on this serious commitment. Till then take care of yourself.
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