Am i a virgen?

Dear Janey

If you have not had sex with a guy, then you are still a virgin. However you may have ruptured your hymen.

You need to be more specific when you say "I got a big ball of toilet paper and put it inside my vagina. Not inside any hole though" Because to get in your vagina, it goes via a 'hole'. Did you mean 'vulva' rather than 'vagina'? It may have stretched the vagina orifice and so tore your hymen.

Where do you live? What are the cultural or religious implications for you? In some cultures, an intact hymen is expected as proof of virginity, and a woman's hymen is sometimes then referred to as her virginity.

Hope this helps. Ask if you want more help

Hi and thank you. What I meant to the toilet paper is I wrapped alot of toilet paper around my hand and i wiped way to inside of me, it looked like a big ball of toilet paper and it felt pleadurable, thats when the pain came, ive also had bicycle accidents when I was around that age where i hit the garage door and the tip of the bicycle hit me inside, im pretty sure I may have tore my hymen then. Im from California. im Mexican and Spanish. My family and I are religious in a way of believing in god but not much in having religion. I have chose not to have sex because i rather wait till im married and sure of everything. My mom, sister, and cousin never bled when they lost their virginity. So i was confused if i had lost my virginity that way. Thank you! That helped! :)

Dear Janey

I'm glad I could help. You have made a wise decision to remain a virgin. Although you have ruptured your hymen, your wedding night will still be (and feel) special because of it being the first time.

Take Care

Thank you! Will I still get pain after my first time even if i have ruptured my hymen? Or not anymore?

Dear Janey

Not everyone gets pain even with an intact hymen. It depends on the hymen. Also with a ruptured (or partially ruptured) hymen. There again it depends what else you have done. Do you masturbate? Do you insert anything in your vagina when you masturbate?

If nothing has stretched your vagina, you might still get some pain or discomfort on first intercourse, especially if you are not lubricated. Penis size can have an impact! But I would not expect the sharp pain that you have already experienced or that some women get on first sex. But I would need some more detail to be more definite. Does the aspect of pain worry you? Do you need any advice on it? There are ways to reduce the likelihood of pain.

Umm well I have kinda masturbated twice... But i didnt insert or use anything I just played with my clitoris a bit. (i dnt knw how to) it kinda burned a tiny bit after for like a second. After that no. I just dont want to become very lose down there. And dont want pain after my first time either. Is masturbating a bad idea if i yet havent had real sex?

Dear Janey

Masturbation is a decision you have to make for yourself, taking into account (inter alia) your cultural, religious and moral sensitivities. Many do not masturbate at all, but many do it a lot. Some get into it because of pressure form others. You seem to be taking a sensible view about sexual matters.

There are advantages in not masturbating, or just playing a bit like you have done. Stirring up your sexual desires can lead to wanting more and more, and can mean that further sexual experimentation takes place, which could lead to sexual intercourse earlier than intended. Sex is a powerful thing mainly intended to bond spouses together. What starts as a controlled solo activity can lead to powerful urges which are difficult to control. Pleasant feelings lead to a demand for sexual release. It can lead to always looking for more ways to get sexual satisfaction which are never fully satiated.

Simplistically, female masturbation can be external (vulval) or internal (vaginal), apart from breast stimulation. Vaginal masturbation (inserting fingers or objects) will impact on the hymen and loosen the vagina generally, which may be regretted by some on marriage. Also, it can remain a focus of sexual attention after marriage, detracting from spousal interaction.

On the other hand, masturbation can be a way to learn about your sexual self, and can keep your desires under control. Rather than engaging in partner sex, solo sex can be a good way to gain any needed sexual release, yet still retaining virginity. It can be done whenever you feel like it (within reason). It is safe from STIs and you will not get pregnant. That is provided whatever you masturbate with has not come into contact with other people's sex-related fluids!

Your discomfort on the couple of times you have masturbated may be due to lack of lubrication, or too direct clitoral contact.

I hope this helps. If you want to discuss it further, feel free (in private if you prefer)

Im sorry I keep asking so much, its just I feel weird asking those close to me about it. Its nothing cultural. Its just I dont want to regret a wrong timing. If it isnt a bother, how can i talk about this in private? Im new to this website. Dont really know how to work ot much. But im finding so much about this.

Dear Janey

Its no bother.

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