I've been dating an amazing guy for over a year. The sex has always been absolutely incredible but recently he's been having trouble getting hard and staying hard.he's 40 and I am 28. We see each other about an average of once a week to every 10 days. The infrequent visits are because of our conflicting work and school schedules but it works out fine. We speak every single day, all day long, and every night. We are a huge part of each others lives. When we would see each other (up until about a month ago) we would have sex 4 to 8 times a night on average. He never had trouble getting an erection or keeping one. And it would always be rockhard. About a month ago that started changing. We would start a fooling around and I would pull down his pants and he would still be soft. Even when I started to play with it it wouldn't get hard or if it did it wouldn't get as hard as it used to get. The other night for example I was fooling around with his penis and after about 20 minutes of doing some of my best work ever and him not getting hard I eventually gave up and we ate some dinner instead and didn't even talk about it. I didn't want to embarrass him if something was maybe medically wrong and I already felt embarrassed like he wasn't attracted to me or something and I didn't want to bring that up if that was the actual case. But I've come up with a view possible reasons As to why this may be occurring. The first one being that I've gained a little weight over the past nine months since being in school and developing unhealthy eating habits. So it is possible that he's seeing me now with my wiggly bits and it's hard for him to be attracted to that...possibly. On the flipside he's constantly trying to get me to eat more and even seems proud when I tell him I've eaten something sweet or unhealthy. I'm not obese and I'm not in horrible shape but I'm definitely not as thin as I was last summer. Last summer I definitely had a awesome bikini body and right now I wouldn't be caught dead in a bikini. Anyways the other possible reason for this dilemma that I've come up with is that he could be cheating on me. He does travel quite a bit for work but I know this man, we talk all the time, I always know what he's doing and what he's up to so I am without a doubt certain that this is not even close to plausible. The final reason I have come up with is that maybe he's always taken Viagra or something in the past and now he isn't? This also seems quite ridiculous as he won't even take an Advil or cold medicine if he's feeling under the weather. But I just don't understand how we can go from being as hard as concrete, hardest I've ever felt or experienced in my life, to always being a little soft? It really bums me out and makes me feel like he's not attracted to me as much anymore.so what should I do? Why is this happening? Should I talk to him about it? I'm so scared the answers going to be something I don't want to hear or he will be too embarrassed to really open up and talk to me about it. And I don't know if I'm overreacting either. I mean this has only been happening for about a month so maybe this will pass? I don't know but any advice or perspectives would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Hi Lonesila,
Every guy occasionally has periods where they have difficulty getting hard. Stress and anxiety can cause it. You say he travels alot - maybe he's tired.
It is not you.
It could also indicate a health problem.
You'll have to determine if you think he's comfortable talking about this or not. Some guys aren't.
The other problem is that he may be worried he can't get hard and that can also make the problem worse. It's a vicious circle.
I'd suggest you don't focus on it and distract him for now. If he goes soft encourage him to work on you until he's hard again - and don't make a big deal out of it.
Good luck. Hope it helps.
One more thing...
There's nothing wrong with just cuddling. You don't always have to have sex. There's lots of ways to show how much you love each other.