I have an issue that has two parts.
Part one: I am 21 years old and from age 14 I new I was a lesbian. I never felt ashamed or confused at all. I have been with two girls sexually and was never nervous or scared. But then I met a guy about a year and a half ago and really liked him and I thought if its OK to be gay it is OK to be straight or bi so I tried going out with him and we really hit it off then a couple weeks later he wanted to go to bed...and I did too. Or so I thought, when we got there I totally froze and it just didn't work out. And he was so cool and supportive about it...not at all like my Mom said guys were like. So after that we were just friends, but now he is in Iraq and he wanted to tell me how much he cared about me and that he fell in love with me. And I thought and thought and I still really, really like him. So we have been writing when we can and he said that if I want we could start over in the bedroom again when he gets back and I said yes. But I don't know if I really want to or if I want to want to. Also I'm still really scared when it comes to sex with men. I haven't actually told him that...and I know that is the first thing I need to fix. Then I kinda slip into The second part of the issue. When I started masturbating when I was 14 I never liked putting my fingers, or toys, in my vagina because it really hurt...and it still does. That was never an issue with the women I was with because we did lots of other things. But with men it seems like it would. And I did an experiment. I surfed the net looking at various porn...and everything with men was just gross...the only way it turned me on was when you couldn't see the penis at all. And blow jobs really gross me out. Any lesbian or even girl on girl made for men turned me on. I even looked at gay men stuff! It didn't turn me on but it didn't gross me out either. It seems like anything turns me on except when it is with a man and a woman and you can see the penis.
So what do you think? I tried asking my Mom...and that went...nowhere.
Thanks
Moony
Part one: I am 21 years old and from age 14 I new I was a lesbian. I never felt ashamed or confused at all. I have been with two girls sexually and was never nervous or scared. But then I met a guy about a year and a half ago and really liked him and I thought if its OK to be gay it is OK to be straight or bi so I tried going out with him and we really hit it off then a couple weeks later he wanted to go to bed...and I did too. Or so I thought, when we got there I totally froze and it just didn't work out. And he was so cool and supportive about it...not at all like my Mom said guys were like. So after that we were just friends, but now he is in Iraq and he wanted to tell me how much he cared about me and that he fell in love with me. And I thought and thought and I still really, really like him. So we have been writing when we can and he said that if I want we could start over in the bedroom again when he gets back and I said yes. But I don't know if I really want to or if I want to want to. Also I'm still really scared when it comes to sex with men. I haven't actually told him that...and I know that is the first thing I need to fix. Then I kinda slip into The second part of the issue. When I started masturbating when I was 14 I never liked putting my fingers, or toys, in my vagina because it really hurt...and it still does. That was never an issue with the women I was with because we did lots of other things. But with men it seems like it would. And I did an experiment. I surfed the net looking at various porn...and everything with men was just gross...the only way it turned me on was when you couldn't see the penis at all. And blow jobs really gross me out. Any lesbian or even girl on girl made for men turned me on. I even looked at gay men stuff! It didn't turn me on but it didn't gross me out either. It seems like anything turns me on except when it is with a man and a woman and you can see the penis.
So what do you think? I tried asking my Mom...and that went...nowhere.
Thanks
Moony
well. i can tell you, i am straight and i definately know where your comming from. usually, one gets turned on by what they know, feels good. such as oral sex to the female, in my opinion is the greatest sensation-- so when ever i watch porn, that is was turns me on the most. in your case, you have not experienced male and female intercourse so you have no clue why theese women are supposedly having theese orgasmic moments with a penis pounding in and out of their vagina which is very sensitive... right? it will definately take getting used to for some. it did me.. i would honestly say for you to have sex and get pleasure out of it, you will need to be teased the way you like in order for your juices all to be flowing for easy insertion of the penis. if you are not "wet"...trust me, you wont enjoy it too much... im assuming you get pleasure from clitoral stimulation... ... during sex, i really only get pleasure from my clit being stimulated. i will not orgasm while having sex without that being done. i have had 5 sexual partners, and one guy new how to penetrate me in the way he was moving his body. that was nice... basically for me, the penis is just finishing the job... lol but after knowing what its capabilities are, i definately have gotten turned on by watchin it do its magic.
you may want to see a gynocologist to see if you have a cervix or you just havent broken your hymen or maybe your hymen is to thick in which case a doctor can remove it and you will never feel pain again if it is the low cervis then there realy isent much you can do about it although there is something called the doughnut that is like a big spongy penis ring that either alters the way the penis goes in or stops it from penetrating to deeply and hiting the cervix you may want to try diferent sex positions they realy can help i sugest trying 3 diferent positions and see what you find best and then shoose from similar ones him on top(most comon) doggy style and on your back on the ege of your bed with your legs in the splits and then bent if none of these work you may want to try anal sex its not painfull if you prepair for it (ie letting him try sticking a finger up to strech and help you practice relaxing the musches around the anus although as you find blow jobs creepy then you may not find anal to apealing either
I believe that most people are to some extent bisexual - but we develop preferences over time. If you are in love with this guy then do whatever you can to make it work - but that doesn't mean you have to do things that you don't like. For example, it is quite alright to NOT give oral sex to your partner if you don't like it. There are lots of other ways to make love.
Definitely get some medical advice for the pain on vaginal penetration - there is definitely some sort of problem there as it shoudn't hurt that much.
The last option is that you may be bisexual and need to find partners who are okay with this.
Definitely get some medical advice for the pain on vaginal penetration - there is definitely some sort of problem there as it shoudn't hurt that much.
The last option is that you may be bisexual and need to find partners who are okay with this.
you and your bf can indulge in mutual masturbation, then you will not have to have your vagina penetrated.
get him to suck your nipples, and play with your clitoris for around 20 mins or so.
by this time you should reach your climax, he can make you have your orgasm this way, and he can watch as you clench your vaginal muscles as you reach your peak. he will enjoy controlling you in that way.
after you have climaxed, and calmed down a bit, u can look after his need for a release in a suitable way.
that way you both get pleasure. you both experience your orgasm. and there is no vaginal penetration, and you cant get pregnant.
hope it works out for you.
get him to suck your nipples, and play with your clitoris for around 20 mins or so.
by this time you should reach your climax, he can make you have your orgasm this way, and he can watch as you clench your vaginal muscles as you reach your peak. he will enjoy controlling you in that way.
after you have climaxed, and calmed down a bit, u can look after his need for a release in a suitable way.
that way you both get pleasure. you both experience your orgasm. and there is no vaginal penetration, and you cant get pregnant.
hope it works out for you.
Things about the unknown take a lot of getting used to. I consider myself a healthy heterosexual woman who enjoys being pleased by a man ( well, just one. I'm not one to fool around. So far, I've only been with one and lets hope it stays that way). BUT, when I look at porn I look at lesbian sex. People who are straight, would find that relatively odd but the only thing I can say to support what I watch is because I am more familiar with the female body than with a mans. Well, even before I finally lost my virginity( which the process hurt like hell because I was a super virgin) I would watch lesbian porn. I had a penisphobia and couldn't even stand to look at one so you can guess how it was when I first held one.
You being a lesbian felt much more control because you were familiar with your own body and thus was attracted to those of the same sex. But everyone has at least that one lesbian and straight side to them, and because you are not used to the male organ, you are afraid of anything to the sort. And I'm telling you right now, yes it can hurt and you do need to get used to it but if he is patient and you are willing to calm and relax you should be fine. You just need to feel much more comfortable so I think you need to play around a bit before the actual intercourse part.
Have him go down on you, go down on him, 69, etc. Just mess around so you can have some getting used to and you should within a month or so. It took me about a month to finally get used to one.
So, don't think it's unnatural because it isn't. Everyone has their preferences and of course not knowing or experiencing things for the first time can be a thrill and scary at the same time.
Just give it time.
Till then, good luck :-D
You being a lesbian felt much more control because you were familiar with your own body and thus was attracted to those of the same sex. But everyone has at least that one lesbian and straight side to them, and because you are not used to the male organ, you are afraid of anything to the sort. And I'm telling you right now, yes it can hurt and you do need to get used to it but if he is patient and you are willing to calm and relax you should be fine. You just need to feel much more comfortable so I think you need to play around a bit before the actual intercourse part.
Have him go down on you, go down on him, 69, etc. Just mess around so you can have some getting used to and you should within a month or so. It took me about a month to finally get used to one.
So, don't think it's unnatural because it isn't. Everyone has their preferences and of course not knowing or experiencing things for the first time can be a thrill and scary at the same time.
Just give it time.
Till then, good luck :-D