caught my daughter having sex, she's 14

Seeing that she is only 14, your rules still apply here, but now that she has had sex, there isn't much you can do other than try to make sure that she is on birth control.
I know it's a shocker for you, i cringe when i remember back when my girls had their experiences.
After your done melting down in the privacy of your own room, pull yourself together and face her with it. Yelling and screaming will get you absolutly no place, and as much as you probably want to snatch her out of her Nike sneakers, don't. 14 is young, but not un heard of today. Go over what you will say to her and don't attack to much. You are entitled to be angry, you have every right to be.
By this time in your mom/daughter relationship, you have probably had "the talk" and many moms dread that special time where they sit their little princess's down and discuss the birds and the bees.
Well mom, your baby girl probably knows more than you do. School, friends, movies, magazines and the like have taken over for us parents.
We seldom get the chance to delicately say to our children, now honey, you know that when a man and a women, etc. etc. etc..... instead of that, they get, yo dude, hooked up with Susie last nite, i popped that p***y real good, etc. etc. etc. I have heard the way the kids talk as i sat in the parking lot of my daughers school many times at dismissal and actually felt myself turning red. Thank God she has graduated. But this is how many kids communicate, it's like they have a language all of their own.
Anyway, you can make it as hard as possible for these two kids to be alone. Make sure you let the boys parents know that they really shouldn't be left in the house alone as well. But in reality, if these kids want to proclaim their newly found "lust" for each other, they will find a way. I remember when i was a girl, i would have climed a tree to have sex at the top if that's where he was.
Get her to tell you if bf used a condom, this is for her own health. Now that she is sexually active, she is ready to see the guy with the cold speculum and casually forgets to run it under hot water. This goes with the territory. Now you need to be vigilant and watch a little closer. Make sure she is protected. You can let her know that your not happy, cuz your not. Just deal with it, make sure she is safe, and don't dwell on it all the time, this will push her further. And remember that keeping them apart is really not the answer, they will find a way, just don't let them be alone.
You will survive, i did after 2 sons and 3 girls. I have made many mistakes and have many regrets, as i am sure you do to. Think back to when you were that age, i was 15 when i lost my virginity. I had to be the horniest kid on the block, but i paid for my stupidity with 2 abortions before i was 18. Chin up mom, you'll make it, i promise.

Look, you are scaring me. I have a teen girl, she is almost 14 as well, and I am really scared that I don't know how to deal with teenagers. I think that losing a virginity in that age is really early, I think that young girls are not aware of the risk that they are doing with this. But she is under your roof, you need to set up some rules, you need to tell her that this is not safe and that it is too early. I mean, I would do that, I am planning to do that. Sometimes, I am wondering why the parents are running away from their responsibilities, why they are avoiding to talk to their kids. In my opinion, it is not normal that a kid is having a sex in that age. I don't know what I would do if I were you...Talk to her, she needs to listen to you! 

I agree with what bbfeet9 said. I think that you should try to be as reasonable and as rational as humanly possible in this situation. I understand that this must be very stressful and scary for you right now but yelling and having your daughter wanting to rebel will not help at all. I can only imagine the thoughts going through your mind right now. As bbfeet9 said, yes that is a very young age but it's not unheard of these days. The only thing you can do is sit her down and explain why this isn't something to be taken lightly and that is can have disastrous effects. Also, for your own sanity, you may want to sit down and write down EVERYTHING you are feeling. You are more than welcome do write it down here and we can all try to help you rationalize your thoughts as well as help you become ok with what is happening. Just know that she is only human, we all make mistakes, I was 16 when I lost my virginity and I still regret it. I'm older now and looking back on my past is painful so I would also try to explain that to her as well. I hope that the talk goes well and just know that she is probably more terrified of the talk than you so try to keep as level headed as you can manage! I hope we've helped at least a little!

i am 19 and i grew up with heaps of my mates (predominantly chicks) losing their virginity at a young age. Unfortunately, there is nothing that you can really do to stop her at this age. she will either do it behind your back where it is less careful and 'safe', or she will just not come home for days at a time, staying with others doing it there.
i feel that you need to sit down with her and come to accept that this is her lifestyle and tell her how much you are against it, discourage her and give her a thorough awareness of STI's and using protection but tell her that you will support her and maybe even offer her protection. keep yourself on her side otherwise she will do something stupid.

I agree with what most people have posted here. You have to deal with the reality of the situation first and foremost, and then ensure that she is on birth control and using a condom every single time. I am sure that you do not want to deal with a pregnant daughter! I'm sure that by taking all the sexiness and taboo out of it by talking to her that she will probably be much less inclined to have sex in the future. But talk to her about it. Talk it to death!

Kids are going to have sex... there is nothing you can do. Talk about safe sex. and talk to her... dont yell and say she cant...shell do it behind your back. its better to know so you can get her on the pill.

when i was her age i was doin the same thing and my mom totally freakd out on me... she was tryin to get me to listen and not have sex until i was married or atleast old enough to be on my own and take care of a child. that just made it worse. i was gonna do wat i wanted, which i did and just did it other places. the best thing to do is tell her ur concerns about it and c if she will start to talk bc

all you can really do without her freaking out is to talk to her about being and having safe sex. and put her on the pill for her own good,

you have to be calm reasonable and listening. the only thing that can help her is to talk. you can talk to her but do not yell. do not tell her she cant have sex anymore. because she will anyway. tell her the percautions and get her protected. give her condoms. make sure when she is doing it she is safe. she is going to do it one day er another.

Coming from an older sibling who's sister began having sex at 14, i understand how you feel. They are not ready for the consequences that come along with having sex. I myself am 19 with a 3 mth old daughter. Even being at a more mature stage in life, it is still very hard. The best thing to do is talk to her about what could happen as a result of being sexually active-pregnancy, STDs, etc. Get her on birth control, because chances are she will continue her activities. One woman I worked with made condoms readily available for her children, not to encourage them to have sex, but to protect them if they made the decision to. As stated by others, yelling and fighting with her will not help, and depending on how she is, it may make her rebel even more. Just make sure that she is informed and prepared. And for anyone else who may be in this situation soon, or thinks that they may be in this situation soon (i.e. children nearing their teenage years), all I can say is start the sex talk early, because our babies are trying to become women too soon. They may not want to hear it, but it WILL help.

So, I don't have a 14 year old daughter, but I do have a 15 year old sister who just turned in October of 08. Let me tell you about THAT experience. Corrine had her first boyfriend. I was in the vehicle with my boyfriend of 2 years, and she was in the back with her boyfriend(who was 21, mind you. I didn't agree with this at all. There was hell). When Chris(mine) and CJ(hers) went into a pizza shop, she asked me straight out "How do you kiss someone?" and I tried explaining to her that it'll just come to her, but if he forces you, just say something. Well, she never said anything. He tried kissing a few times(yes, I had my eye on her) and I broke it up, but eventually it happened. He stayed the night, and the rule was that the boys sleep in the same room, as the same with girls. Somehow, the two slept out on the couch, and when I woke up, I freaked out. It was the worse solution. That same night, I was watching a movie w/ my hunnie, and I heard a bang. I went to see what it was, and found my 14 YR OLD SISTER climbing off him. I got into it bad with the guy. He ended up running outside. I pulled her into the room and asked her what was going on, to find out that she had sex with him(this is her FIRST boyfriend, so her FIRST time ever) the night BEFORE. That night that she "met" him. It's very complicated lol.

All I can tell you is, try to be calm with it, even though its REALLY tough. Eventually it'll happen no matter what age, its just that you had to see it. Try not to be awkward about it, even though you are the parent. I'd just sit down and sorta guide yourself into the conversation about it. I wish you the best..Try to be calm and relaxed though. Don't automatically think that shes ALWAYS having sex. She(probably) feels bad though you caught her. I wouldn't want anyone seeing that. She knows what shes doing. If she truely doesnt know about condoms and birth control, even though thats not likely, have a real true conversation about it, but don't force it on her. She knows. I found out the hard way that if you are all uptight, its going to be a big mess and your going to make her feel real bad and not want to talk. You can do it=)

It is always hard to be in these kind of situations. But like many here said you have to think with your mind clear.
This has to happen some times, and you have to prepare her for that. The main problem is it happens when you really don't expect it, and you don't get her ready for that. To show them how to use condoms or other ways of contraception. The more things are clear the more they will understand and will be able to protect them selfs.

from the day I turned 13, my dad always had condoms in a spot I could easily take one, I know he did this so I would use them, though I didn't actually lose my virginity untill I was 16. My parents never really had "the talk" more of really my dad just accepted that I'd probbably learn about it from my friends, I think this was a great course, beacause he basically said "I know your gonna learn about it before I have a chance to tell you, but still be safe if you do it".

so what if your daughter is having sex she has to find out what it feels like someday just tell her to use birth control.