I am a married mother of 2 young children and just recently remember sexual exploration around 11/12years old with same sex peers. i am having a very difficult time getting past this. It mostly involoved tickling our genitals with ribbon and I believe there may have been very brief kissing of the genitals. As far as I can remember this was completely mutual. One of the people actually told some friends in 8th grade and they made fun of me. I have never told anyone unitl now. All of the research I see shows this is normal, however I am still disgusted. I do not want anyone to every think of me as a child abuser. I am a very modest and conservative person and have only had sex with my husband. Please help. I am still acquaitances with these people, but we went to separate high schools and colleges. ANy advice will be greatly appreciated
Mutual sexual exploration with someone your age is not considered child abuse, definitely not when you yourself were a child. Child abuse occurs between a legal adult and a legally underaged person. Putting some distance between you and these acquaintances of yours will give you peace of mind.
The way they handled the situation was very upsetting but you should know that almost everyone did that when they were younger. I don't think I know a single person who did not experiment sexually with same-sex peers, so there is no reason to feel ashamed! Most people won't admit it which is why the internet is so nice for something like this, but believe me, it is almost universal! There is no reason to feel shame so...well, tell me what you think, okay?
THanks for the input. I guess my concern, is the little memory I have is there was no coercion or force, but what if they remember it differently. Knowing my personality, I seriously doubt there was. Like I said before, I have only had sex with my husband and did not even use tampons until I was in college. We were obviously very immature girls, because we played with our barbies until we were almost 13. There was one other girl who was about 2.5 years younger, but she played barbies with us all of the time. I think I just have to sort this out. I have a daughter myself, and I think that is what gets me the most. However, I will not be like my mother and I will be open with my children starting early.
I'm sorry you're beating yourself up over this.
I feel it's very normal. I think nearly everyone does it but due to the taboos impressed on us by our parents and society many don't want to admit it. In today's hyper sensitive society that practically goes on witch hunts about anything sexual, I surely understand your concern.
Society has a way of turning itself upside down, it seems. Many things that were considered pranks or just bad behavior when I was a lad are now considered criminal. Many things that were criminal when I was young are not, today.
I grew up in a relatively small town of about 6 to 8000 in the 40s and 50s.
My first explorative experience was with girls because I didn't have any boys to play with in my neighborhood. I was about 7 or 8 I think when one of the two girls I had for constant playmates said her older brother told her that boys have a bat and two balls while girls have two biscuits. They decided they wanted to see if that was true and since I was outnumbered 2 to 1, I was out voted. I certainly didn't mind being out voted because I wanted to see just as much as they did. I did manage to get the concession that I would get to see too. We must have enjoyed looking and touching because we kept doing it off and on for a couple years. It was always voluntary as in "let's play behind" that was our name for it, and we would go to a suitable place where we wouldn't be caught by grownups.
When we learned that women had milk to feed babies, I remember several times when I thoroughly inspected their nipples looking for the holes where the milk came out and they checked mine to see if I had any too. None of us ever found any.
When I got older my world expanded to other parts of town where boys I met in school, lived. I also learned about masturbation and many of us participated in masturbation sessions. We even had contests to see who could do it the quickest. How dumb is that? We did each other, sometimes in what were called "circle jerks" if the group was large enough, where we sat in a circle and you did the guy next to you. One time when a bunch of us were visiting a friend who was sick in bed our way of making him feel better was to line up and take turns stroking him until he came.
I remember two of us sitting in 7th grade history class and doing it under our desks to relieve the boredom. By 8th grade we had to stop doing that because we began having gooey stuff come out which was visible on our pants. I know other groups of guys who hung around with each other did the same things and I always figured the girls did too. They just didn't tell us about it and we didn't tell them about it.
By the time we got into high school we had other interests.
We just figured all that was normal growing up experimentation and curiosity.
I feel it's very normal. I think nearly everyone does it but due to the taboos impressed on us by our parents and society many don't want to admit it. In today's hyper sensitive society that practically goes on witch hunts about anything sexual, I surely understand your concern.
Society has a way of turning itself upside down, it seems. Many things that were considered pranks or just bad behavior when I was a lad are now considered criminal. Many things that were criminal when I was young are not, today.
I grew up in a relatively small town of about 6 to 8000 in the 40s and 50s.
My first explorative experience was with girls because I didn't have any boys to play with in my neighborhood. I was about 7 or 8 I think when one of the two girls I had for constant playmates said her older brother told her that boys have a bat and two balls while girls have two biscuits. They decided they wanted to see if that was true and since I was outnumbered 2 to 1, I was out voted. I certainly didn't mind being out voted because I wanted to see just as much as they did. I did manage to get the concession that I would get to see too. We must have enjoyed looking and touching because we kept doing it off and on for a couple years. It was always voluntary as in "let's play behind" that was our name for it, and we would go to a suitable place where we wouldn't be caught by grownups.
When we learned that women had milk to feed babies, I remember several times when I thoroughly inspected their nipples looking for the holes where the milk came out and they checked mine to see if I had any too. None of us ever found any.
When I got older my world expanded to other parts of town where boys I met in school, lived. I also learned about masturbation and many of us participated in masturbation sessions. We even had contests to see who could do it the quickest. How dumb is that? We did each other, sometimes in what were called "circle jerks" if the group was large enough, where we sat in a circle and you did the guy next to you. One time when a bunch of us were visiting a friend who was sick in bed our way of making him feel better was to line up and take turns stroking him until he came.
I remember two of us sitting in 7th grade history class and doing it under our desks to relieve the boredom. By 8th grade we had to stop doing that because we began having gooey stuff come out which was visible on our pants. I know other groups of guys who hung around with each other did the same things and I always figured the girls did too. They just didn't tell us about it and we didn't tell them about it.
By the time we got into high school we had other interests.
We just figured all that was normal growing up experimentation and curiosity.