Do parent's really love their children the same? Because I don't feel like they do!

Sorry honey! I had to go out for Fathers day cards! Even if you are in the middle of sex or sexual activity and you say "NO!" it ENDS then! Period! Many young people get carried away by the videos and movies etc, that they think that THIS is IT! And NEVER shows on these videos about a girls right to say "NO!" So it doesn't matter honey IF you feel violated then you have been! BUT there are 2 sides too it! Boys - I believe for the most part - are NOT told that they have to stop NO matter what! That said boys/men KNOW when they have crossed that line! What did your boyfriend do exactly honey!?

Okay, you scared me...is this the right place to say everything!?

Yes! No one knows who you are or wear you live! And also believe me honey, unfortunately you are NOT alone with this! Millions of us have had similar or worse occaisions in our lives honey! And my old addage "better out than in!" So don't worry honey!

okay, well the part about when I was 10...I remember all my family were at my grandmas house, I can't remember why we were all there. But my little cousins were only babies, so myself and my brother and my two other cousins who are around our age decided to play a game of hide and go seek in the dark in my grandmas basement. We always played that game! well this time I think my brother was it, well I hid in their laundry room beside some stuff and then after my older cousin, he would have been 15, decides to hid with me. But there wasn't really any room so he got my to get up and sit on him, which was fine, but then I remember him humping me or something, so I wanted to get up but he pulled me back down and told me to shhhh! I don't think he knew that I knew what he was doing! And then after he pulled it out and stuff... :-(

Well he's not my boyfriend anymore! But one night I went over to his house, and his family wasn't home, but I was like whatever, because it wasn't the first time we were there without anyone around. Well normally we would just watch movies and talk and hang out and make out. So this time we put a movie in and were watching it...and then we were like making out, well then he went upstairs and came back and wanted to do more stuff. So I was like okay...so there was more touching and stuff, which I was fine with. But then after he wanted to have sex. And I didn't want to, ever did it before then, so we just carried on. But he kept bringing it back up and really wanted to do it, so we talked about it because I was scared, but eventually he convinced me. So we like started to do it or whatever...and I hate this part!!...and it was really hurting me and he knew that, so I asked him to stop and he didn't! so I was like crying because of the pain and tried to get up and he pushed me back down!! and I told him it hurt and he said "its okay, its suppose to, it'll get better!!" and he kept going, so I was like wreslting trying to get away and he pinned me down! :-( stupid jackass!! so eventually when he was 'done' I got up and ran to the bathroom and then ran home! :'( great first experience!

BIG HUGS! :'( Just know honey, that you WERE assaulted SEXUALLY assaulted, he knows it and you know it! IF you want to press charges that is one thing! Like I said earlier, there HAS to be boundries drawn with both boys AND girls! Like I have told my boys! "The SECOND she says "NO!" STOP!" But really how many parents have that sort of talk with their boys? I think they should, BUT that was from my personal experience - which is like yours but with a stranger! I d't about you iidn't want to tell anyone, because I would have had to state that I was a virgin! Isn't that crazy? So this guy gets away with raping me, because I didn't want to explain I was a virgin AND also tell my unforgiving parents. So unless you want to go further with this pig that's one thing!

NOW your cousin! Did he rape you honey? Was it oral, physical what was it? I am off too bed right now! BUT I want you to write down what happened and when I can get back too you I will! You NEED to get this ALL off your chest and I will help you in ANY way I can OK? You are NOT alone with this! And don't have ONE second of guilt about ANY of this! This isn't about you its abput PERVERSION! Spo don't give them 1 second of power over you, OK? Big hugs and kiss on the forehead honey! I'm here, I just wont be on till later on tommorrow afternoon! Get it out there kiddo! Take the skeleton out of the closet!

So I barely slept last night, everytime I think about it my vagina gets so tight it hurts! Is that even possible!? or am I imagining that!?

Its not easy getting up early and making breakfast for everyone! But I guess thats part of making Fathers day, Father's day. And I walked down to Tim's to get him a coffee, that made him happy :-D I hope you and your family and husband have a happy Father's day!

You know whats gross! Hearing your parents have sex! - Vomit! And they know i'm awake in my bedroom!! - Double Vomit!

Why would you have to say you were a virgin!? I want him to pay for what he did, but I was stupid and didn't tell anyone and didn't go to the hospital and ran home and sat under the shower. So there goes all the evidence! And I don't want my parents to know! And I don't want to have to go in court and tell everyone what happened and point to him and say "yup, he did it!" or have it written in the news. So that's why I don't want to do anything! :-( I should have just stuck with not wanting to have sex.

Yesterday me and my mom went out shopping for father's day stuff and some how my cousin ran into us. So thats what made me think of that, because everytime I see him thats all I think about! He like hardly goes to any family functions, hes like strained from the family, so thats kind of good because I don't always have to see him. He like really only goes to thanksgiving stuff and christmas stuff, but yesterday he asked my mom when we were going over to my grandmas house for a BBQ, because he was going and wanted to know what time to be there for. I was mad he was going.

But you know what, my uncle, he never did anything to me, but I ALWAYS get a strange vibe from him. When I was 12 or 13 I went to my aunts house to babysit my cousins for a week while they were at work. And then spent a week with them. Well he was always weird around me. Like he would pick me up when I didn't want it and stuff. And we too would play hide and go seek, and I hid under then bed and then he got me to move over so he could hide with me. (i'm never playing that game again!) and was just really touchy and stuff, so much so, that even my aunt told him to stop and that it was enough. And I never said anything so even she thought it was weird. And he drove me home, and wanted to take me to dinner, but I was so uncomfortable with him that I told him no, to just take me home! And another time he has his dad's old fashioned car and brought it over and wanted to take just me for a ride but I really didn't want to go but my mom like forced me too, even after that my dad said how he was weird and I told him he made me uncomfortable and my dad thought so too. But then maybe i'm going crazy and just over sensitive because of my cousin.

Sorry but what does perversion mean? %-)

A pervert! Like your uncle and cousin - is your cousin your uncles son? IF you have a vibe LISTEN! I always tell my boys "Listen to your Spidey Senses" We are the only animal that will walk INTO danger and not listen to our bodies and instincts!

NEXT time you see your s**m cousin, I want you to go up to him and whisper! "1 day I WILL expose you! You know what you did, from now on do NOT look at me, talk too me, ask about me NOTHING, OR I WILL spill everything that you did!" Also with your uncle, tell him in front of evyerone that he is making you uncomfortable! I have a feeling that your aunt is fully aware of how perverted he is! And is trying to protect you! Perversion does not just start out of the blue, it's a build up!

NEVER blame yourself for being sexually assaulted honey! NEVER! You had NO intention to be violated, and hind sight is 20/20! No woman OR man knows what to do or how to handle it, untill AFTER!

DONT listen to your parents having sex! You don't listen to them in the day so continue!!! ;-) XD XD

O, No, their not blood related at all. I don't want to go near him to say anything to him, I can't. I just want to forget about it and move on, but i don't know how! :-( Today at my grandmas house, all my cousins were in the basement and my little cousin wanted a drink and asked me if I could get her one, shes going to be 10! So I said okay of course, and had to go in the stupid laundry room because thats where the fridge and freezer is, and thats exactly what I hid beside. I was almost freaking out, I got in and out of there so fast! And my uncle doesn't really make me feel that way anymore, just when I was like 12-14. But I think because I became so standoffish he stopped.

And I see the stupid ass all the time at school!! I hate it! And everyone always asks me why we broke up! He's so disgusting! Makes me want to cut again!

So then what do I do!? Like how do I stop thinking about it? What did you do? Did you ever tell anyone!?

Believe me! I did not want to hear them having sex!! And I put some music on!

O and why did you get rid of your quote!?

Now do you have a better sense of just how quiet I am and how shy I am and how much I stick to myself and don't want to be near anyone!? It sucks! :'( and it frustrates people because they don't get it! And I can't explain it! I'm so mad!!! a f*****g 10 year old should not know what a real penis looks like or what to do with it!!!! I need to go throw up!

There are certain words that moderators take off!

When I was your age and younger I was violated ALL the time, by fathers of kids I babysat! Dads of my girfriends! I even was set up once by an ex guy friend of mine, whos dad was in love me with! He was like in his late 40's and i was 16! My friend "chris" called me over to his house. when I got there the door was open, I went into the room and this guy had roses and wine! And said he loves me and wanted to marry me!! I RAN like you wouldn't believe it! Chris thought it would be cool for me to be his step mom!!!!! :-S o.O So I KNOW how you feel honey! And believe me there are some studies say that upto 90% of women have been sexually violated in some way!

You are 16 right? I think you can get counselling without telling anyone = you need to get sexual assault counselling honey! I KNOW you don't want to do anything, BUT your cousin NEEDS to be brought to justice for what he did! And the rest of the family has to know to keep their kids safe! Do you fear that you wont be believed? I think you need to put more faith in your parents! And also next time they get it on, knock on the wall or floor! Believe me they WONT say a word!

I didn't tell anyone - BUT that was 29 years ago honey! And to this day and FOREVER my girlfriends will NEVER know about what their dads did - as this would destroy them! I just put these slugs on notice!

When people ask you why you split up, say "he hurt me having sex and wouldn't stop when I asked him too!"

You need help with dealing with your trauma honey! I was a complete alcoholic at 14 - through till 19! I went along with rumours, that I was loose - I wasn't at ALL, but for ALL the times it was tried on me, and when guys would "Brag" I went through with it, because I didn't want anyone knowing I was a virgin! NO child should know about penis's PERIOD! You need to get this off your chest honey! This is NOT your fault! So don't harm yourself too feel OK? You need to hear from experts and others in your position, and IF your parents need to be involved so be it! I PROMISE you honey! That this is affecting you FAR more than the abuse did! It is in your nightmares, and in your essence - which they have destroyed! NO amount of showers will get you clean, untill you forgive yourself for being a child and unaware of what to do! Parents don't want to talk to their children about "The unthinkable" They hope and prey that it wont happen, they don't tell them what to do! I - being a survivor DO tell my boys ALL they need to know! My boys are SO street smart, they could write books!

Look in the mirror and say "It's NOT my fault!" and even if you have to sit your parents down and tell them you need to tak to them about something REALLY serious, THEN it's up to them wether to step up to the plate - which I believe they WILL! They will beat themselves up, and possi bley each other, BUT they need to be your parents and help you through this hell! It is NOT your fault at ALL! And I am sending you the BIGGEST hug possible! I am VERY proud of you Claire! And there IS light at the end of this tunnel honey I promise! You have to just take back YOU, one step at a time!

Holy c**p people are gross!!

Ya, but its so much easier to tell people and talk when you don't have to look at them in the face and they don't know who you are! And i'm scared that if I do, something would happen! I can't tell anyone!!!! I don't know, but it was six years ago, and they would probably say i'm exaggerating or something. And do you know what that would do to my family!? It would split everyone up so bad, my mom would probably lose her sister and I know that would break her heart! And I don't want people to know, they would look at me weird or be like "why didn't you do or say anything" and they would be right! I did nothing but go along with it, how stupid am I!

So you never talked to anyone!? So then I can get through it without talking to anyone! well i'm talking to you. How do you put them on notice? Like what you told me to say to my cousin?

And do you know how badly I would get laughed at if I said that to people!? Like I say we had a fight, or that I don't like him anymore, but everyone wants to keep knowing why! But I can't say 'why'.

How did you get the alcohol!? I cut when I was 12 and stopped when I was 14. But then a month ago, when all that c**p happened, it made me want to cut again. And it doesn't help with my family problems, and feeling unloved...but I don't just feel that way because of them, how can someone hurt someone they 'loved'? but I haven't cut again, and I don't want too...thats why i'm talking about it with you, so I don't do that anymore.

What did you mean when you said "this is affecting you FAR more than the abuse did!"?

I don't want to tell my parents, I really can't do that.

you know what sweetness?! IF just talking to me will help you then I'm HERE! I would never push you to doing something you don't feel right doing! Me not telling my girlfriends - for fear of decimating them - is what you think too about your family! So I GET that!

You see because I am at the other end, I am telling you what to do NOW! Instead of thinking back to when it happened to me - I didn't tell a soul! Like I said before hindsight is 20/20! So no worries about that OK honey? Just yap away, and I will listen and help you in anyway I can! You ARE me honey! In many ways our lives are quite similar! So If I can grow up into a semi conscious adult ;-) SO can you! ;-) XD

I just want to say to you that MOST people nowadays understand child abuse and what happens when a young person is violated! And they WOULD believe you! BUT you aren't ready or willing, but just know you WOULD be believed! It's FAR different now then when I was your age!

Regarding your ex - you see as a mamma bear, I want you to do what I WOULD do to this little puke, but your not 45 and a mother, so I get that! What about saying "He's just a pig!"

I'm not going to tell you how I got alcohol honey! BUT I was a BAD alcoholic! and that is why - I had NO One to talk too! IF I had told my guy friends, they would have attacked the men! IF I told my girlfriends, I would have lost them! And I couldn't tell my parents, because they NEVER allowed me to talk to them in THAT way! Cutting is a feeling thing, you are SO numb you need to FEEL! BUT it can be one of the worst things for you - mentally, physically, emotionally! You HAVE to forgive yourself! When I was 19 i was Raped :'( ! And after that I thought "I MUST be putting something out there with ALL these dirty pigs being after me!" THEN one day, a guy in a store was being REALLY abnoxious, and he said "Is that ALL Madamme!?" I said "OOH don't call me madamme! - thinking it's OLD" He turned to me and said "What do you want me to call you, B**CH!?" I punched him in the face!!!! o.O From THAT day forward I took my power back and from that day forward NO one was going to get away with belittling me or violating me! I told my oldest and dearest friends dad - when he came up to give me a "hug"- I whispered in his ear "IF you EVER touch me or look at me again I will CASTRATE you! And I WILL tell EVERYONE Just how dirty you are, do you understand?" To this day - he NEVER looks at me or talks to me at family functions! And I am TOTALLY fine with that!

So one day you WILL get to this point, that 1. it is NOT your fault or anything you did or didn't do! 2. It is THEIR sick mind and you will NOT stand for anymore!!! It is a VERY empowering feeling to get your essence and strength back and you WILL honey I promise!

What I meant about affecting you Far more, is that when you are abused, that is an incident that takes minutes or hours! BUT what happens after takes, days, weeks, months, years! It takes facing your demons in the darkness of your dreams, it takes holding your breath when you see THAT thing! And it takes away your innocence! So that is what I mean! It continues painfully on UNTILL you come to grips with it and TAKE back YOU!

I will just let you know something - so you don't think I am leaving you - my youngest son is having surgery tommorrow! So I will only be on here intermittently throughout the week OK? But of course I will be checking and responding to you! BIG HUGS your Cyber Mom! ;-)

You know what, I don't trust anyone...never have...but for some reason I trust you! And its so dumb, beacuse when I start opening up to people, like my friends or something, and they say one little thing, I go back to myself. Like how before I think I said how I couldn't trust my mom so I started to talk to my dad, but then he started to tell what I said to my mom, so then I backed off because I couldn't trust him with what I was saying...so its a constant battle, I open up, and then retreat back to myself. And this is so dumb and so embarrassing, but thats why I love my dog so much, I can tell him anything and he can't tell a soul! And he knows when i'm sad and will come to me and he's like the only one I can hug, because hes so innocent, and can't hurt me and will always love me...how pathetic is that!? And I hate change!! It makes me feel insecure, unless I change something, so I guess thats where I get my power and control. From cleaning and organizing, I swear I have OCD! no lie. I check things so many times, and clean so much! I like things to be perfect (even though I know nothing ever is) its dumb but I guess by making things around me sane, makes me feel sane and secure. And I guess because i'm so quiet and insecure i'm like a walking target! Like those guys in the park almost did something! And this is so stupid too, but I sleep with my blanket wrapped under my feet so nothing can get at me or touch me. And I always sleep with the door closed, and one night my dad opened it for some reason and walked to his room (he might have been sleepwalking or something) but I woke up in a second and almost had a panic attack thinking what is he doing in my room! Its so messed up, my thinking :$

But I wouldn't even know where to get help, or make it so no one knows. Or how would I even get there? And look how long its taken me to tell you everything, (and I hate that everyone is and can read this!!) Do you regret not getting help?

lol just know that I wasn't asking so I could get some, just trying to figure out how a 14 year old got it. So you were numbing your feelings and i'm trying to feel!? I know it wasn't my fault, like I know that...I know they did this too me, but I always keep thinking like I should have just left, but then i'm like no I tried too and couldn't! Or that I should have screamed or yelled for help, and I never did that, but then i'm like no he told me to be quiet! But why did I listen. And if I wasn't ready for sex, I should have just stuck with that! And I did but then I gave in!

:'( So thats what gave you the power to punched a guy! good for you :-D That little puke is all yours! hes just a few hours away! XD

Wow! I didn't know that! I will pray for your son :-D Don't worry bout me, take care of your baby! :-D I have exams this week anyway and need to study...but I take breaks here and there.

My dogs name was Red! I talked to her EVERY night and she slept next to me, because I was and still am MORTIFIED of the dark! My parents knew NOTHING till only a few years ago!

I vacuum 2 - 3 times a day and have to have the lines side by side! I do each stroke of the vacuum 5 times! It is ALL about having SOME control! And that is why you have the tendancy to be clean! I would shower 2 to 3 times a day - to wash "them" off me! BUT that stopped when I got ME back and it wll for you too!

Y0ou see honey, things are different now, there was NO ONE to talk to about this! Now there is! You can phone the Kids help Line - they can tell you phone numbers etc! This is TOTALLY confidential1 And a GREAT resource for kids! I know it upsets you to read this! BUT our conversations could potentially help SO many other young people and even older poeple come to terms with it and get some help!

When you are about to loose your virginity, you have SO much pressure from the likes of videos, tv, movies etc, and you THINK "Everyone is doing it so why not?" And then you think "Well this is horrible and I want it too stop, BUT if I do then I will be ridiculed!...." It is awful thing for teenagers!

The way you feel is TOTALLY normal honey! Honest! It is your rational and emtional self at it's base! So you second guess EVERYTHING! I am counselling another woman who was "attacked" the other night! She too feels this was her fault! We ALL do! "I should have fought harder, I should have said no louder, I should have NOT hid, etc etc etc." what we are ALL saying is this "This should NOT have happened to me!!" that's what it is honey that sense of violation!

Just know that it WILL ge tbetter, and that you will NEVER allow anyone to violate you again! It gives you the strength to take on anyone!

That's why i'm scared of him dying! Because to me, thats like loosing everything! He protects me like no tomorrow, if me and my dad play fight and I say ouch, he jumps at my dad and tries to bite him, and if I hit someone, he will help me out. He doesn't let anyone in my room, and I love that! (like its not really good, but its what I need) And he follows me everywhere so i'm never alone. But hes old, 11, and has bad arthritis in his hips, neck and spin. So you did tell your parents then, eventually. What made you tell?

well I hope your house is small then, so you don't have to vacuum too many rooms. I do everything by routine, and never break it, its something constant in my life. I check my alarm clock everynight over and over again, sometimes 5 times sometimes 20. I check to make sure my dog is breathing all the time. I have to have things folded just right. And things put back just right (which no one in my family does and that irritates me like no tomorrow, i'm constantly fixing things over all the time.) I rewrite my notes in school so their just right. Everything needs to be clean! I only like even numbers. Wash my hands at least twice everytime. I'm like you with the vacuum lines, shoes need to be line up just write, and the remote control, and everything needs to be organized. Again which is really hard to do when no one else in my family is like that, so i'm constantly picking up after them, and sometimes they gross me out. But I was never like this before, I remember my room as a kid always looking a mess, cloths on the floor and dolls. Now I panic if things aren't right, like my mind literally freaks out that sometimes I need to walk away to figure out where to start. And now I panic if i'm in tight places, like the mall or something during christmas is a no go!

And if someone touches my stuff, I freak out!!! People have touched me, but never my stuff!

Maybe one day I can give them a try, but not right now. I panic just thinking about it!! :-(

You know what, I really didn't think or know it would or could hurt! Because like you said, you never hear or see it. And doing all that stuff with him brought me back, and I just wanted it to end! And when he wouldn't, I got double freaked out! He pulled me down the same way, that when I couldn't get away, its like I just gave up on myself and took it. :'( who stops fighting!? no one! but I did. I don't want it to ever happen again, but i'm so scared it will, because it has.

My friend found this thing online and told me about it today and laughed at how funny it was, it wasn't funny to me, but a great invention. Its a condom that a girl wears so if she is ever raped it grabs a hold of the man, and the only way to get it off is to go to the hospital or rip it off!!

Is that lady getting help!? Maybe she should come in here?

Good luck tomorrow! I hope everything goes well :-D I prayed for him. Hugs from your cyber daughter ;-)

You NEED order in your life, because that sense of order was taken! What you and I and MILLIONS of others do is the SAME thing - to get back order and protect OUR stuff!

I told my parents, because of things on the news - like Karla Homolka etc! And they said "well I wish you had told us" Which I was never told too! As I tell my children, "IF anything happens and people tell you that you BETTER not tell, tell them you wont, then tell me everything!" I would take out anyone IF anyone hurt my boys! I PROMISE you honey, this will NEVER happen to you again, 1. because you have foresight! When you were a baby (10) how the hell would you be empowered enough to know the rules of man? And when it happened again, you were frozen in time! ALL the women out there that have fought back, screamed bloody blue murder, scratched, punched etc, STILL ended up being raped! It didn't matter because of one thing - they were caught off guard and didn't know what to do and were overpowered and froze with fear! IF you go on the premise that you were attacked and didn't fight back, what about boys/men who are raped? They would definitely have the physical piwer to fight back, it is that FROZEN in fear and soul decimation that brought them down! NO Victim can EVER be blamed for being raped! That is why laws were brought in! Because in my life time, a girls past was used against her - even prostitutes who were raped, were raked over the coals!

Here in Alberta, there is a lady who has 3 therapy dogs! HUGE beautiful dogs, and they listen to children's dark secrets! Ones of severe physical and sexual abuse, that CANT tell adults! So to help them they tell the dogs and hold on to their fur! They hold ALL the darkest secrets and this helps the children to eventually move on! This is why we need to be heard! I always call it "I need my day in court" As a victim of violation, I ALWAYS need to have people suffer for the slightest slight against me or mine! It's because I wasn't validated and heard when I NEEDED to be! So when you are ready you CAN call kids help phone and you WILL conquer this and move on I PROMISE!

I'm off to bed, his operation is at 7:40 and we need to be at the hospital by 6:30! So BIG hugs 'daughter" and just know with talking about it, you WILL be releived of this! OK?