I should also mention that I haven’t done much to help myself recover either. I feel like this time around I’m trying to be more proactive. After 3 years go figure but I honestly thought I was almost in the clear from all of this. I felt very defeated this time around :(
Hey! Definitely understand what you mean, I expected my mind to get over this sooner but maybe I’m just not doing enough physically. I really have to be more active and take supplements and eat better, not just because of this but to be healthy in general. I also have to work on my sleeping, I posted last night that I would try not to pull an all nighter but I did lol. It’s rough especially since it’s been like this since the pandemic began
Lol I will tell you this! Even when I was feeling better there were occasions where if I had a bad nights sleep the following day I would feel a bit off. So I do believe that would be very helpful to you! How are you doing today?
Of course! Sleep deprivation really messes me up lol and I think it’s very common in women like me with PCOS to either sleep too much or too little. It’s like a lot of times my body is exhausted but I can’t fall asleep, and sometimes it’s the opposite where my body should be energized yet my mind is just exhausted. I’m thinking of maybe trying melatonin because I’ve heard it helps. But overall I’m doing pretty well today, I’m not ruminating as much but I do have my moments. How about you?
Ugh ladies I’m having a bit of a rough night, it’s currently 2 AM where I live and I’m feeling anxious again. Funny how this happens to me now when literally 10 hours ago I posted that I’ve been feeling decent lol. So basically I play this game on my laptop (a hobby I’ve picked up thanks to the pandemic lol) and earlier I was playing it without any volume on. I don’t know if it’s just because I’m sleepy or if it’s because I’m used to hearing the characters talking but I swear for a split second in my mind (not out loud) I heard one of them say something random and of course this made me anxious. I know it sounds so dumb but since one of my main anxieties during all of this has been what if “go crazy” or develop a really serious issue, this triggered me. And I know that it was just a simple random thought but my mind is always thinking the worst.
I also have mentioned on here that sometimes I have random memories/words/images of places I’ve been pop into my head when I’m doing something completely unrelated, and it just freaks me out. Does anyone else get this? I learned that they’re called mind pops and reading about them sort of sends me into a spiral. God I want a new brain lol
I am sorry you had a tough night! I again had a rough night falling asleep, my boyfriend was having a tough time sleeping as well so fortunately I had company lol this experience you mentioned with the video game and the mind pops I have definitely experienced. Last night In particular I could’ve sworn that the tv in the living room flashed on and off and of course my boyfriend didn’t see it so I was like did I just make this up or what! It happens to me more often during points of really high anxiety! I’m not super strung out right now but I did have a rough day yesterday so I could see why it happened. I wish I could erase all of this from all of our memories!!!! But we will get through this!!!!
It’s awful right?!? I always end up making myself panic over stuff like that. I was so anxious for a few hours and then just ended up forcing myself to fall asleep and of course I woke up thinking about what had happened. The morning anxiety and checking how I feel is so annoying :(
And same here I wish every day that I could just exist without anxiety and all these issues lol. The mind pops have been scaring me the most lately, and I think maybe it’s because I think about them so much that I end up getting them more. I hope we can have a better day today!
And same here I wish every day that I could just exist without anxiety and all these issues lol. The mind pops have been scaring me the most lately, and I think maybe it’s because I think about them so much that I end up getting them more. I hope we can have a better day today!
I’ve been on a lot of OCD forums lately and I think some of us have developed pure OCD symptoms due to hormonal changes. Like I’ve had this crippling fear lately that I might go crazy and hurt someone to the point where I don’t even want to be around my boyfriend or my dogs. But the fact that these thoughts scare us so much is proof that it’s just anxiety/OCD forcing us to ruminate. If the thoughts didn’t terrify us, we could just let them go. It’s something I’m working on, just acknowledging my thoughts and moving on, but it’s so much easier said than done. Recovery is hard and some days will be better than others but I’m holding onto hope that things can and will get better for all of us!
I agree, back in 2018 my whole experience started with me having a panic attack about a pelvic pain I was having (looking back now that was definitely health anxiety because I kept obsessing about it until i went to the doctor and found out I was fine) and then out of nowhere I developed POCD (literally the most horrifying theme tbh) which was triggered after watching a show. Once that hit me I started doing so much research and on top of that I almost feel like my mind started latching onto the other themes I’d read about. I was so ashamed and uncomfortable around strangers, dogs, kids, my own family, etc. I’m not feeling as bad as I was then but I just get so afraid about setbacks and my mind forces me to think of those past thoughts again. Anxiety definitely is the worst because we know for a fact we would never hurt our loved ones or anyone else, but a part of our mind is saying the opposite. Overall I’m glad I’m more stable than I was when this first started but I still just feel like I should be over this already ugh
Wow! That sounds horrifying but I’m so glad you’ve opened up because I’ve been experiencing the same thing. For a long time my thoughts were about my sense of reality, and the meaning of life, and are any of us even real? Am I in a coma just dreaming all of this? Crazy stuff like that. And I thought those thoughts were the worst but then this past month during my setback I’ve been hit with even worse thoughts (POCD, HOCD) and even though I know I could never hurt anyone I get so petrified that Im secretly a monster. I haven’t seen anyone else in here talk about those themes so I was sure this was just the beginning of my mental break. But it’s such a relief to know I’m not the only one. This setback is also coming at the end of several months of great progress, but then I stopped taking all of my supplements and I feel that’s when I started spiraling again. So after several months of feeling okay and generally in control of my thoughts/feelings, this recent loss of control has been especially hard to deal with. I’m back with a therapist and my naturopath so I’m hoping to be back on the way to recovery soon. I’ve just got to remember that the next time I feel good, that doesn’t mean to stop taking care of myself! I hope you start feeling better soon. Therapy can definitely help.
Oh no I’m sorry you’ve been dealing with them too!! I 100% believe that our hormones play such a major role in all of this too. In July 2018 (I was 4 months off the pill, this is usually when post birth control issues begin) when my anxiety started, I remember my period had just ended and like a day or two later was when I began to freak out because of the intrusive thoughts. I think POCD and other scary themes haven’t really been brought up a lot on these forums because of shame/guilt, I even saw a woman on one post birth control forum mention that a lot of them would only talk about it in private messages. Just know you’re not alone, it’s very hard to deal with and to this day only my mother knows the full details of those thoughts because it gave me a lot of guilt and anxiety. I dealt with HOCD for a bit too but it went away completely. I hope everything goes well with the therapist and naturopath! I have a doctor’s appt next week so I’m gonna find out what’s up with my vitamin levels because I have a feeling my levels are low which could explain this setback.
Hi ladies I just wanted to chime in and mention that I too have suffered of both of those OCD themes, you are not alone!
Hey! Thanks for opening up to us. It’s so so scary and I understand why most women don’t really discuss it. Now that I’m 2 years in I feel more open bringing it up because I know the thoughts aren’t me and I would never act on them. But it’s just the fear of having those thoughts that makes it an awful cycle
Yes it’s hard to open up about all of this. But like you mentioned I’ve slowly become more comfortable with talking about it. I think that might have been helpful had I done so when this all first started but I was so confused as to what was going on that I couldn’t even bring myself to talk about it to anyone. This time around I’m much more vocal about it and I have felt like it has helped me! Hang in there ladies we are toughhhh cookies!
Me too, it was very confusing and scary so I didn’t even want to say the words out loud (or type them). Being vocal absolutely helps, especially since we all know who our true selves are and that we would never act on our thoughts. We can make it through!