I know everyone has a hard life and stuff but I just feel totally alone. As long as I could remember I thought about death and how when I'm old I'm going to have to die. Every single time I break out in tears, I've tried talking to people over the years but they always said don't think about it and it's not going to be for a long time. I just can't stop thinking about it, its over bearing.
Other than that, my parents divorced when I was young I dont remember it and my earlier memory is when I first moved in with my moms new husband almost immediately after the divorce. After that my mother ignored me and only took me to doctor and dentist appointments and left me to do whatever I wanted to do except for the strict times of watching television and stuff. I grew up alone, and sheltered and when I was put into school no one played with me and was called weird. I'd always get into trouble for attention and such. The depression grew on me over the years and in my last few years of middle school I was made fun of because I was a sheltered child not knowing anything of relationships, sex or other things. I have horrible self esteem because I was one of the only overweight kids in the school. It only got worse in high school, I started hanging out with a group of "friends" but they never invited me to o anything unless I asked but even then I was only a third wheel I wasn't a part of their group since the beginning. near the end of my high school experienced I felt horrible depressed, unwanted and just wanted to feel loved. After that I got into some abusive relationships and such but I wont get into that. I have nut allergies, dry skin, eczema, ibs, chubby frame that never goes away with exercise... I just feel shitty all the time, and nothing makes me feel better. Over the years my thoughts of suicide increased and eventually started cutting myself.
In the end I am 20 years old, socially awkward and spending most my time online. I want to make friends and be a "normal" person but I find this difficult. I am often depressed, not really caring, and always worried what people think of me when looking/talking to me. A few years ago I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder... I don't like talking to a psychiatrist or therapist it does nothing for me, and I have tried medications but they have made me feel worse.
Anyone have any suggestions for me to turn this life of mine around and actually start having a good life?
Other than that, my parents divorced when I was young I dont remember it and my earlier memory is when I first moved in with my moms new husband almost immediately after the divorce. After that my mother ignored me and only took me to doctor and dentist appointments and left me to do whatever I wanted to do except for the strict times of watching television and stuff. I grew up alone, and sheltered and when I was put into school no one played with me and was called weird. I'd always get into trouble for attention and such. The depression grew on me over the years and in my last few years of middle school I was made fun of because I was a sheltered child not knowing anything of relationships, sex or other things. I have horrible self esteem because I was one of the only overweight kids in the school. It only got worse in high school, I started hanging out with a group of "friends" but they never invited me to o anything unless I asked but even then I was only a third wheel I wasn't a part of their group since the beginning. near the end of my high school experienced I felt horrible depressed, unwanted and just wanted to feel loved. After that I got into some abusive relationships and such but I wont get into that. I have nut allergies, dry skin, eczema, ibs, chubby frame that never goes away with exercise... I just feel shitty all the time, and nothing makes me feel better. Over the years my thoughts of suicide increased and eventually started cutting myself.
In the end I am 20 years old, socially awkward and spending most my time online. I want to make friends and be a "normal" person but I find this difficult. I am often depressed, not really caring, and always worried what people think of me when looking/talking to me. A few years ago I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder... I don't like talking to a psychiatrist or therapist it does nothing for me, and I have tried medications but they have made me feel worse.
Anyone have any suggestions for me to turn this life of mine around and actually start having a good life?
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My wife has bipolar disorder and at first it was difficult to determine which meds worked best. At first the doc thought it was Major Depression so they treated it with antidepressants which made her really hyper. After they determined it was Bipolar that stopped the antidepressants and starter her on Lamictal and she has been doing great for years. You may want to see if there is a Bipolar support group in your area, that helped her a bunch too. Don't give up on your therapist either. If the one you"re using isn't working or you just don't have faith in him/her, look around for another one.(I know that's a pain having to explain everything again) As far as the social stuff, a good foundation is church. Many Christian churches have a loving accepting environment and lots of fun social activities that can connect you to people in a positive way. Good luck.
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hi im 15 and i self harm and want to die as well my parents divorced when iw was 8 i had an operation when i was 9 an 6 h 30 min one and then when i was 10 my mum got a horrible boyfriend who is nice when drunk and nasty most the time when hes not he physically abuses me and my um i have masive arguments with my mum as well and i have special needs and adhd which pisses me off a lot and makes me feel like sh*t none of my friends know i am just overweight but hate my ginger/blonde hair body i dont eat properly anymore cry everyday i fel like sh*t so you should try going to clubs and that i dont cos i am to shy and just like to be left alone to cry i just want to be loved and i want my mum back to the way she was but i cant tell the police anput her boyfriend because then i will ruin her life and my dad is messed up he sexually abuses me he pokeds my boobs which i hate a=i hate anything to do with sex and that so yeah try fun excercise clubs and stuff like that hope i helped i probaly didnt ure not the only one :) :( x
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I have Bi- Polar disorder. I have been on many medications and to be honest with you, the worse you think you are, the worse you get. This is meant in the nicest possible way; You need to get your head out of this ridiculousness. There is nothing wrong with you, you are making excuses for your behaviour. If you want something you have to go out and get it yourself. Stop letting people walk all over you and do what needs to be done. Dying is going to be a part of your life... but honey you aren't living right now so you don't really have anything to fear do you?
Live your life and stop worrying about these stupid things. Don't bother going on any pills. Go to a counsellor and get over yourself. The only problem that there is is that you can't let go of this because you are scared to be independant.
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Hey, im 14. I use K12 (an online school) and I dont get to see people that much. I have had suicidal thoughts too. I get depressed but I dont know if im diagnosed. I havnt seen a doctor or anything about it. My parents divorced before I even turned 1. I totally understand this.
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