I am fifteen years old and have been dealing with homosexuality for a while now. When I was five, I would try on dresses and paint my toes; but by the time I was ten, I played sports and had crushes on girls. When I turned twelve, I started masturbating by thinking about two people having sex. I’m these fantasies; the two would both take their clothes off and then partake in sexual intercourse. But as I matured, the fantasies became stories of domination; where the man forces the woman to have sex. When I found out about oral sex; all of my masturbations became a fantasy where the man forces the clothed woman to give him head. And so through the next two years, the “couple masturbation” turned into me only thinking about the boy. I have romantic feelings for girls; but am sexually attracted to boys during masturbation. I have wanted to kiss girls; but would only want to see boys naked. Growing up in a religious home; I haven’t shared this problem with anyone, including my parents and friends. I believe that being gay is perfectly fine; but I am scared of the consequences of coming out. I also would love to live with a wife and raise a family; but if I’m gay I couldn’t. I think other people being homosexual is fine; but personally would not want to be. I have no romantic feeling for boys; and am only sexually attracted to their dominance and chest/penis. The problem is: I have no attraction whatsoever to boobs, female butts, or vaginas. In fact, I find them a turn-off. All I’ve ever wanted was to be straight; and I’ve prayed to God hundreds of times to help me. I’ve looked up sources of whether or not it’s possible to change, I’ve tried to stop masturbating, I’ve tried watching straight porn, I’ve tried every trick in the book and I am still gay. I just want someone to tell me how to stop this before it’s too late. I am miserable, depressed, and have contemplated suicide. I need someone to tell me how to be straight!
Coming to terms with your sexuality can be very difficult as you already know.
As far as changing what is natural for you denial might be the only option.
Learning and accepting that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay like you said is fine for others but unfortunately your not able to include yourself as part of the LGBT community.
That family you would like and and being in a meaningful loving relationship with kids can happen if your straight or gay.
You have been working so hard to change yourself and no doubt go to great lengths to keep your sexuality well hidden from everyone.
It may benefit you a great deal to work on coming to terms with your sexuality rather than trying to change it.
Talking to your school counselor or checking into what LGBT services are available in the area where you live is well worth considering.
Your school counselor will have some options that may work for you if your not comfortable with LGBT support services maybe private counseling will work better for you.
If you could talk to others in the LGBT community you would find that there are others that are going through the same thing as you are and they could become a wonderful source of support and understanding for you.
Like you said in your post being homosexual is fine but its not only for others it can and should include you as well.
Your sexuality shouldn't change how your true friends feel about you and the love of your family isn't conditional on your sexuality.
There are support services available and its okay to use them.
Glad to hear that you are coming to terms with who you are.
Often what others expect of us influences how we feel about ourselves.
Your still the same person you have always been your friends and family support and love you because of who you are and your sexuality shouldn't change that.
I hope your coming to terms with who you are is a positive step for you.
Any time you would like to chat happy to try and help.
Type out your question and hit reply it will show up in this topic.
honestly, you shouldn't resist homosexuality if it feels right for you. I am lesbian, so is my girlfriend of five years, and we are happy together. we plan to spend our lives together and if we want to have kids, whats to stop us from going out and getting done by someone we don't care about or adopting? if two men in a gay relationship want kids, they an adopt! simple as that! don't resist who you are, be who you feel you should be!
At your age your hormones are giving you very, very confusing signals but you have made some progress in trying to come to terms with what sexuality means to you. For a start you have accepted that there is nothing wrong with being gay or straight.
The next step is to realise that the pigeon-holing system of 'straight', 'bi' and 'gay' is very unhelpful. You are what you are and that is all there is to it. You do not need to wear any particular label.
In my experience (I am 70 y.o.) sexuality is very fluid. In my teens I hated the female body and thought of myself as homosexual - I liked the boys I knew and in particular their bodies whereas girls were a mystery and their bodies not attractive at all. Later on I began to want sex with women, though many still didn't have sexy bodies (neither did a lot of men!). I knew what I liked, at least. I met a man and had a relationship with him for 30 years yet during that time I still occasionally found women attractive and enjoyed 'straight' porn. Now I would still like a long-term relationship with a woman.
My sexuality has been fluid all my life but I have never chosen which badge to wear. From what you say you may well be in the same situation. A lot of men are.
At the end of the day the most important thing about any relationship is that the partners love and understand one another rather than the type of equipment they have between their legs.