How to deal with an alcoholic boyfriend

Dear everyone. I just read your posts right now, and I'm completely heart broken. I'm sixteen years old, and just awhile back, I got out of a relationship. I've been with this guy since I was 14, and he's always been there for me. After Christmas of 2010, things got a little crazy. In the beginning of our relationship, he told me that he'd never drink or do drugs because he didn't believe in that. But then when 2011 started, he started drinking, doing "Triple C's" and coming home extremely pissed off at me, doing cocaine, smoking more and it was just awful. After we broke up, I found out that he started doing herion. He would constantly take out his withdraw anger out on me, and every time I'd try to help, he'd get pissed off and we'd get into an argument. I'm happy the bs is over now. I hope everything works out for everyone on here. I really do.

9 yrs with an alcholic and verbally very abusive, my heart and head dont agree with what we should do. So I feel stuck! I am happy for you that you are getting out and I hope I have the courage to do the same thing soon!!

Quick update....He and I haven't communicated in a couple months. At first it was really hard, I missed him all the time. Then I got to thinking, what did I really miss?? It wasn't how I was treated, cause he didn't know how to do that very well. I realized that it was having someone I can be myself with. However, as the days passed, I felt lighter and more confident that I was actually liking being on my own. Every so often I have a bad spell, and right after it I kick myself back into gear. Today I feel stronger than I ever have, and I look forward to meeting someone who knows how to treat a woman properly.


Don't give up! Fight to be happy!!

Posted by Ccruns
on May 30th, 2012 at 8:26 PM

I met a guy when I was first separated from my spouse ( of 18 yrs). The guy I met was polar opposite: exciting, rough around the edges, abit of a partygoer, BUT FUN. My Marriage was not emotionally fulfilling anymore and this new guy was a GREAT distraction. For two yrs we " dated". I say dated like that as we never actually went anywhere special. Local places to eat, low budget activities. I helped pay my share a lot.  We hung out a lot drinking and I begain to notice his work was suffering..... Nothing on his schedule, no jobs lined up. Very low motivation , telling me he does not need to advertise because he's that good.  Now, I teach and am busy from dawn till late in the nite grading and prepping. Money burned a hole in his pocket, But never for stuff for me. I felt like i begged for flowers, or birthday gifts. Everything was about him. He was 38 when we met.. Never married, no kids, living in a rented house with a roomie splitting the bills. He worked as a builder and work was on and off... So funds were always LOW.  I figured i wasnt his mom and besides he knew what he needed to do at age 38. He never had that "Buckel down and get cracking" attitude. He also was financially irresponsible. There were times when He would pay his landlord late or the electricity would be shut off. He'd get money and buy rims for his car, more beer then get the rent paid. It seemed to work for him. Of course i had reservations as i loved the guy and was thinking he was going to be in my life. I broached the subject of living together one time after a year but it fell flat.  
He drank a lot ... Wednesday nights shots w/ friends, Thursday nites at home, Friday at the bar, Saturday at a " party"....Sunday with TV,  Monday, Tuesday beers after work. I was invited at first , but he began to get jealous when he drank and accusations of me flirting then precluded me from attending his outings with friends. We would make tentative plans... Then he would blow me off after drinking at the golf course, a friends house, etc. I broke up too many times to count. I felt disrespected and manipulated... He would say he didn't want me there because I turn his friends against him, or I get him into fights.  I accepted that I was now PLAN B GIRL.
My ex was still in my life due to kids and their activities and my boyfriend would get pissed and make me do stuff that I wasn't comfortable with( like demanding my ex  not come to the house to pick up kids without prior approval when I was ok with it). He was Very jealous of my ex and my ex's connections with the Navy Seals. My boyfriend would tell me my ex was part of the NEW WORLD ORDER and  did evil things demanded by our govt. My ex was in the World Trade Center on 911 and suffered injuries and my boyfriend would repeatedly tell  me the US government was behind the bombing. ( true or not his views were hurtful and he never appreciated where I was coming from).
I felt I had to extend invitations to him to all my social events - while he would tell me which ones he wanted to attend but not be my date to others. He put my friends down. He would not invite me places not even saying, "Come over to hang out." He used the excuse of staying that  my social life was so crazy that I needed to tell him when I was free or when I was prepared to hang out. This was getting so old and demoralising.  Of course this would only work if he didn't already have drinking plans.
He's in trouble with the IRS and says he is trying to save money by staying in - but I asked him to go to a festival recently and  he purchased cheesy artwork and some collectible coin. ($130). He bought me a beer - he then answered his phone and told a friend on the phone he was hanging with an ex girlfriend who he still hangs with. Can you say HURTFUL

Wow my boyfriend is the same way!! I dont know what to do anymore. He will be 26 in august and talks about making me his wife, but if things are going to continue this way, i dont know that that's the best decision. I love him with all my heart and want him to get help, but he is in denial. I dont know what else to do. I've threatened to leave and that doesnt help....he wont get help. Anyone have any advice?

Bits and pieces of everyone's story hear are bits and pieces of my life as well.  I've been dating an alcoholic for over a year and a half.  He's also bi-polar and smokes ALOT of pot everyday.  He's 38 years old and has been drinking since he was a kid.  Lately, he's been getting back into the harder stuff.  He grew up in a violent family with both mother and father alcoholics.  He ran away from home when he was 16 and disappeared from his family's life for 15 years.  He has alot of "Friends" even though in his dark moments he says he has no one.  His roomate/landlord is an alcoholic, so they enable each other's disease.  They also work together and his landlord is his boss so his alcoholic landlord controls his life now.  Their circle of friends are enablers. They go to his house after work and weekends to drink and do drugs all night.  His roomate has expressed that I am not welcome in his house almost a year ago.  So, when they have parties and hang out all week, I'm not welcome over.  I only get to see him some weekends. But, when I see him, he comes to my house broke, pissed off about someone or something or me, and lately he brings the cocaine over with him and does it by himself at all hours of the night.  Last weekend he stayed up, got drunk and high, and kept waking me because he was upset he couldn't find his cigarrettes.  He got on his bike at 6am, yelled at me, and rode his bike about 15 miles home drunk and high. He doesn't have a car because of his previous DUI's, has served 1 year of jail time for drugs, been arrested for assaulting his ex girlfriend (she dropped the charges), used to steal cars when he was a kid, and used to get in alot of fights. He says he is calmer now, but it's still not good.  With me, he's verbally abuse, once when we were horseplaying in bed-he took it too far and jabbed his finger hard on my chest bone a repeated number of times until I sobbed begging him to stop and was bruised for weeks.  He was surprise at my reaction, but it felt like he really meant to hurt me. I don't want it to keep getting worse.. the verbal abuse and neglect has gotten worse.  We used to have a great affectionate sex life. Now, the power is in his hands.  We only have sex when he wants to and on his birthday he fell asleep during the act and didn't touch me on my birthday a month later. I quit smoking pot 4 months ago and don't drink very much anymore because I have to be responsible when we're together.  I don't want to chance succumbing to my drunk emotions knowing I'm walking on eggshells around him and I want to make sure we get home safe. I always have to call the cab, make sure everything gets taken care of, etc.  He acts lazy and like a big baby. He has to be taken care of when we're together.  He drinks ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT. He suffers insomnia, exhaustion, depression, delusions, and his brain just runs at 120 mph in circles until he does something to hurt himself that slows it down for a little while.  He's been in so many bike accidents (nearly fatal) in the past few months, broken fingers, gashed his head, constant bruising,etc.  If he's not angry with me, he's angry at someone else and then puts me in the same category with that person and takes it out on me because he doesn't pick arguments with his landlord, friends, and co-workers. I'm the emotional punching bag who takes the punches when he starts swinging blindly at the air because I'm the closest and I take it. I'm not proud of myself.  I'm an enabler. I'm co-dependent. I love him so much. I can't walk out even though I've tried.  I'm about to get on anti-depressants today. I've contacted Al-Anon for group support.  He's been texting me all night horrible things. Calling me yelling at me. Since last night and it's noon the next day.  He tells me to "f**k off!" calls me "stupid", "motherf**er", "s**face", and more...I'm tired of feeling so down.  I used to be in a successful local band and I don't even have the spirit to write or sing anymore.  I don't go out anymore, even though I used to be a very social person, all my friends tell me I've lost myself and they don't come around anymore even though I try to make plans to spend time with them> i'm so sick of just going on about my problems when I'm with them and feel like they're judging me or don't want to hear or are just sick of hearing it. I'm so tired. I just can't give up. I don't want this to be me in 3 years or even another year. I'm so desperate. Help me GOD.

Wow, I so understand how you feel! My boyfriend is a weekend alcoholic also and I'm so tired of this type of behavior. It has taken a toll on me. I have decided that I'm not going to compete with the bottle anymore. After dating for almost a year, I think that our relationship is over. As much as it hurts me, I do believe that it may be best for me. I'm so tired of feeling anxious when we goes on these benges. sometimes staying out all night too. If we do try to make the relationship work, I will give him a choice of the bottle or me and to get some help. Even though I did express to him in the past that i didnt like the drinking, I never suggested that he should get some help. Well no more nice girl, it's gonna be on when I speak with him again. He is such a kind hearted person. I love him so much...sad.

Update.... It's been 4 months on my own now. It was much harder a few months ago. But I kept asking myself, if I was still in the relationship with him, what would I be thinking right now. Undoubtably the answer would be "what the hell am I doing in this relationship and that I want to be on my own". Those thoughts always entered my head when I was with him. So, I figure, I'm not thinking that because I am on my own. And now after several months, the pain is there still, slightly, but I feel better. I haven't dated anyone else so I can heal properly. This man did a number on my head as well as my heart it seems. But, I see the silver lining. I am a stronger woman now.

Keep fighting for your own happiness!!

I was in an alcoholic relationship for 3.5 years. I tried to leave once, but loved him to much and went back. I left him for a second time a few month ago, and he started in on snorting pain pills (oxy) to be more specific. Everyone keeps telling me its not my fault, but if I hadn't had left, he wouldn't be doing this to himself. I didn't realize I was in an alcoholic reationship until I left, and I still love him and want him. But i don't know how to avoid that horrible feeling of losing myself and fighting a losing battle, while still trying to help him.

This comment in particular brought me to tears because this is what's happening to me right now at 18 years old. This is gonna be weird but can you text me? I need help. Email me? Sydneynlinkk@gmail and I'll give my number because I'm desperate for help

ive been with my boyfriend year and a half i didnt know at first the drinking problem he had just a couple weeks ago we stopped having sex he tells me hes to tired all the time or my attitude we even go stay in hotel rooms to be alone and no he just has no interested could he be screwing around/ he tells me he loves me and family assures me hes not looking for anyone he tells me that but when i ask he gets real mad about the whole thing just wants to do his own thing but when he wants a ride or money or booze he will call and want everything to do with me .i love him so much and i just am not sure if its me or the drinking my attitudes pushing him away or the alchol

I am 20 years old and my boyfriend is 21. He want's to hang out and drink with his friends who don't have to get up early in the morning and go to college instead of being home at 10 on week nights to get some sleep for school (which are the rules in the house he lives in.)  They people he lives with don't like him to drink because they know he is doing it to try to forget the pain he has inside. He is not an angry drunk nor is he angry when he is sober, he just doesn't want to stop drinking yet. He says he knows it is selfish of him and he knows he needs to stop he just doesn't want to. He has a strong faith in god I'm just worried about him and I don't know when this will stop. Can anybody help?

i am 25 years old and my boyfriend who is 27 is an alcoholic.  we have been together since i was 17 and he was 19 and we got engaged on my 21st birthday.  we had so much fun together and did everything together, he was so caring and sweet, we used to go everywhere and just genuinley have lots of fun.  very sadly when he was 24 he had 2 bereavments and 2 hip replacements in the space of 7 months, which effected him very very badly and he has never been the same ever since.  His whole attitude towards his health, his loved ones and life has changed so much he's a totally different person to the lovely one he was.  he was also made redundant a few months later and found it hard getting back into full time employment which meant he was at home more, and drinking more.  he became depressed and went to bereavement councelling sessions which helped but his drinking was still too much.

he used to be in denial about his drinking, and would say he drank to help him sleep (because he has had sleeping problems for a lot of years) then he'd admit he had a drink problem and he would be very upset and genuinley try to sort himself out.  but we realised his problem was so bad he couldn't do it without professional help.  he was drinking 3 or 4 litres of strong cider a day, as well as sometimes cans of super strength and quarter bottles of vodka. he'd be starting in the morning and drinking all day.  after about 18 months of his heavy drinking he started been really nasty to me when he was pissed and would say really hurtful things about my family and my dead relatives and my little brother who has special needs. he has been physically and emotionally abusive towards me and i know i'm a mug cos i stay with him, but i do it to try help him get back to his old self cos i know that he hates what he has become.  i don't really get any support off of his parents and find that i am dealing with him on my own. 

luckily he now has a full time job, and his drinking is better but it's still too much and i'm worried he is going to loose his job over it.  he sometimes drinks a little bit of cider before a shift or he'll drink loads all weekend and feel sh*t at work monday.  and not only that he also takes very worrying amounts of cocodamol and i'm just at the end of my teather with him.  i managed to convince him to go for alcohol councelling last year and he went on and off for a year or so, and did a librium detox earlier on this year.  i was so so proud of him cos i know how hard he found it and i saw how much pain he was in for them couple of weeks.  but as most alcoholics do, he just went back to drinking again.  we've had really bad arguments the last 2 weekends, and it upsets me that we can't go anywhere without it involving drinking, our holiday abroad was spoilt cos he was laid up in bed for 3/4 days with gastritis (cos of his drinking).  i have now told him that he is on his final chance and if he messes up again i'm off.  is anyone else in the same situation as me?

Sorry this has gone on so long, I just needed a good rant!! X 

I've been with my boyfriend for the past 4 years.  Within the first year of dating he got a DUI.  I was there for him every step of the way.  I drove him everywhere because he had a restricted license.  He joined AA and did really well.  He remained sober for a year but then he started drinking again.  He would drink almost every day and at least twice a week he would get wasted.  He never hit more but he would get really angry and yell at himself.  He also says hurtful things when he's plastered and doesn't remember them the next day.  Our nights usually end with me crying (also I'm dealing with depression).  The next day he apologizes and takes the whole day off from work to lay in bed with me and if he has a meeting he calls me every hour to check up on me.  He only gets plastered whenever he's stressed... but he claims its because he's bored.  He also gets drunk in social settings because he gets nervous.   I know deep down he has the potential to be such a good person but alcohol and low self esteem gets in the way.  I want to be there for him but I get so tired.     They say relationships are supposed to be hardwork... but is it this hard?

Please consider my words with all your heart and soul. The life you're headed down is always going to be miserable to put it lightly... It's hell living with an alcoholic. Your relationship with him is always going to be about his addiction and how to feed his addiction. If he ever gets a job again even with your income, you will always be broke because it will all go to his bottle. Please OPEN your EYES and deeply think about what kind of life you want for yourself now in the present and five years from now. This is only the beginning to a lonely, hopeless, depressed life. You will end up resenting him in the end. Living with a alcoholic is a permanent burden that gets worse with time. Things will happen that are beyond your reasoning that never cease to surprise you. He will tell you what you want to hear about stopping but until he ADMITS he's an alcoholic and CHOOSES to get into a recovery program, LEAVE him now! You continuing a relationship with him will only prolong agony and heartache. As hard it is to leave please do it for youself. You only get this one life to enjoy all the beautiful things in this life (building a life with someone you love, getting married, having your own babies) please do not waste your precious life on this guy. You deserve much better