How to deal with an alcoholic boyfriend

I too, am in the same situation as you all.... I have an alcoholic boyfriend and an alcoholic father... It is the most frustrating, painful, confusing, hurtful thing anyone can ever go through... Typically they don't admit they have a problem, and even when they do, they don't change their behavior... They get angry, extremely mean, volatile, hostile, combative, argumentative, with serious mood swings and tendencies to lash out... They both tend to not remember things after, or have selective memory.... They both drink extreme amounts.... Any liquor in sight they will drink... My boyfriend in particular always wants to be violent when drunk, never toward me, but often towards other men... At this point all I can do is pray for them... Dealing with them both is the largest cause of stress and heartache in my life right now... I have told them both upfront they have alcohol addictions and need help before they lose everything... They say sorry, and repeat the same actions over and over... I feel like I need a psychiatrist at this point, due to the stress I feel... It's the hardest, most depressing thing when you watch ppl you love self destruct... But can't cut them off because you want to help and support them... I pray for us all...

A year ago I met the man of my dreams; it was love at first sight. He was sweet, funny, kind, caring, smart, handsome, an all around catch. I knew at our first meeting I would love him forever. A few months went by, everything was fine, he drank every night, and playfully joked about being a, "responsible alcoholic," because he still went to work everyday, still paid the bills, etc. So I thought nothing of it, knew it was something he enjoyed, and I didn't want to be the person who took his crutch away from him. But as time went on, it started to affect our relationship in a negative manner. My man is a strong, extremely muscular human being, and we would get into fights where he would use his physical demeanor to intimidate me by literally puffing up his chest and looking down on me. Then, he would yell and scream, tell me not to touch him, to get away and leave him alone. While he has never gotten physically abusive with him, he would slam doors, throw things, kick things as hard as he could. He would threaten to leave the house, to walk down to the bar in the middle of the night and take however many shots of whiskey he could without passing out on the floor. Most of the time this is what occurs,  as I rarely have been able to talk him into talking it through with me. It really started to get bad when I started to monitor his drinking. To me, it felt like I was helping. First we decided to eradicate the hard liquor, and stick to beer and wine. But then the amount of bottles and cans that went out in the recycling began to increase (as I should have known; less alcohol content=drinking more to make up for it). We are now at a point where he is starting petty fights to go out and drink. It's incredibly depressing, I feel like I'm causing him to drink. I'm only 19, and am not at all qualified for this. I need help; I know the drinking is not his fault (came from both an alcoholic mother and father), but he hides behind this fact, and I am unsure of how to approach that subject without it blowing up into something even bigger. I love him with all my being, but I have no idea where to go from here. 

I am 32 years old.  Almost 2 years ago I got out of a relationship with an alcoholic.  A few months out of that relationship I met an incredible guy!  He was everything I was looking for, or so I thought...  It turns out that he was a really good liar.  He told me the he owned his own company and he had a great job and lots of money and so on and such forth.  The first few months of our relationship were great so he asked me to move in fairly quickly.  I guess I never really paid much attention to how much he drank, either that or he hid it really well.  I was working full time at a really good job at that point and he was not working due to a supposed injury at work (he said he was on workers comp...) He ended up making me lose my job and it turns out that he was NOT on workers comp, so neither of us had any money.  Bills weren't getting paid and we started fighting a lot.  I then started noticing that he drank quite often, and drank a lot.  He was drinking so much that he ended up passing out while using the toilet twice in one week, forcing me to pee outside (we only had one bathroom).  He started to get really verbally abusive to me when he drank (so basically we were fighting every night because he was drinking every night.)  He got so bad that his dog ended up getting really sick and almost dying twice because he refused to believe me that she was sick and he also didn't have the money to take her to the vet (because buying booze was more important...) We have broken up and gotten back together several times over the past year and a 3 months.  One of the last times we broke up he got me back by telling me he was going to cut way back on his drinking.  That lasted all of about a month.  At this point I still have no job (and I am trying like HECK to find one!!!) and I have no way out of this situation.  My parents have gotten sick of me moving in and out of their house.  I don't have the money to get a place of my own.  I have vowed that as soon as I get a job and can afford to get out, I am DONE with this!  He is so bad that when he drinks (which is again, every night) he picks fights with me just so he can drink more and he thinks things are happening and being said that in reality, are not.  He gets mad because in his head he thinks I am doing all of these mean things to him, but I'm not.  Even when he wakes up first thing in the morning, before he drinks, he is grouchy to me most of the time.  It's like no matter what I do, it's never good enough for him.  Everything has to be his way all of the time.  If he does something for me, it's begrudgingly and he lets me know that he is not happy doing it and makes me thank him over and over.  Rarely do I get thanks for anything that I do.  I am home all day so ALL of the chores end up being done by me, including feeding his 3 animals.  He "works" during the day.  I say "works" because he sells used cars and only makes a commission off of what he sells, which is not all that much.  Most of his day is spent hanging out with his buddies, not doing any actual work and getting drunk.  He comes home late almost every night saying he had to "work" late, which actually means he was staying to drink with the guys.  I am having a hard time dealing with him.  I know I have to just suck it up until I can afford to move, but man oh man is this difficult!  I usually spend most nights crying.

Ive been reading all these posts and I have been in a similar situation with my boyfriend for 21/2 years. When I met him there was such a strong connection soulmate like I always thought. Ive never met anyone that I had such a huge emotional connection with and ive been married and divorced once. I met him while I was divorcing my ex. It felt so good and right being with him. We were both very in love. Everything between us was perfect except one thing...his alcohol abuse that I chose to ignore the signs of in the beginning and the constant manipulating lies he told over it. I gave everything of myself to him. I had nothing left to give. After countless efforts of anything from begging crying pleading threatening and actually leaving him three times for a short while inbetween to try and make a point thinking it would work...nothing did. I finally realized I had to leave for good and ignore him completely or else id keep falling back into his trap. He even manipulated and lied to his best friends and always went back to his enabling family and disregarded all the right people including me who he claimed to love so much with all of his heart. The problem was he really was in love with his beer cans more than any one right influential person in his life. It hurts and I think about him every second of the day as he still tries to contact me on a daily basis. I have to ignore ive had to learn to cut him completely off from my life and if he ever decides to get the right help and it lasts him a lifetime then only God would know that. I pray every day about him. But it was either I continued down this dead end path loving him or loving him but leaving and doing what I needed to do for my own mental health and future life that I truly want. My gut tells me its too much effort to change and that it is easier for him to continue manipulating people and getting his way with his smoothness and continue to have his drink too. This hurts and always will. But I will say for you to follow your gut especially when the same pattern happens continuously. I was following my heart for almost 3 years with him and im in the very same place I was when I first met him. Nothing in my life advanced with him. And it wont with an alcoholic...it will be the same cycle for the rest of your life unless they get permanent life changing help...follow your gut...we know but sometimes admitting it to ourselves and doing what we know we need to do hurts the most but sometimes is the only way.

I've been with my guy for 2 years and a month now (friends for 5 years) and he was a drinker before we started dating, but he never drank too much maybe a few times a month and not every time he drank to get drunk. But in the past year and a half its gotten unbearable. He drinks with his mother (who is also an alcoholic) and he will drink everything in the house. He doesn't know his limits. I can buy myself a bottle of rum while his mother and himself have a 40 of whiskey. Him and his mother will drink the entire 40 and he will drink half my 26er. Every time he gets completely smashed, he treats me like c**p. He takes everything I say to him as an attack and will lash out on me. He also punches holes in the wall, destroys tables and last night he ripped his door off the frame entirely. He has broken stuff of mine, thrown stuff in my direction and spit at me. When he picks a fight with me, some how his mother always seems to blame it on me. It gets so bad that I want to cry. Everytime he does this I can NOT WAIT until he passes out so I may get some peace and quite. He NEVER remembers what he's done. He's punched holes in our friends houses and has made an id**t out himself too many times to count. Every time I forgive him, he says he's going to change and I'm so sick of waiting. I'm sick of being second to the bottle.

My boyfriend drank much more when I met him but I figured 5 years later he'd be over it. Tonight was the last straw... He keeps hiding jäger in the garage and making excuses why he's drinking so much. Tonight I'm sleeping on the couch since I can't stand to sleep next to the smell of booze. Tomorrow I may move out. I can't take it anymore.

Well I must be the queen of "how long" I have been with an alcoholic boyfriend, nearly 11 years in August.  He was my highschool sweetheart, senior prom date, first sex partner and I was madly in love with him when we were 17.  His dad was an alcoholic and my boyfriend was allowed to drink in his parents home.  It never dawned on me that the alcohol would be a problem all the way to age 51, yep thats how old he and I are.  At any rate, after highschool graduation we both got scholarships for college, mine was in the hometown, his was away.  There were rumors flying he had gotten another girl pregnant, which turned out to be true (he confessed it to me and said it was a one-night stand).  Of course we broke it off and only saw each other occasionally during college breaks and no more after I graduated and had another boyfriend in 1988.  Well, flash to 17 years later after I got divorced from the college boyfriend turned husband with 2 children in 2002, I drove past my hs sweethearts house in the old neighborhood and caught a glimpse of him grilling on his mom's back porch (he did not see me).  I went to a phone booth and called him.  He thought I was someone else at first, but making a long story short, after my divorce was finalized I moved back to my hometown here and stupidly let old boyfriend move in with me...i was madly in love all over again...we both were 40.

Well, he had since got another child with the first girl he knocked up, said it was because of "loneliness" when he moved back home here after his dad died.  He was a railroad employee with good money and moved back here with "nobody to talk to except his first child's mother". (Crock of shyt to me).  So, he was still drinking 3-4 beers a day just like when we were teens.  He found out that his older child was not his (his mother told me) when the boy turned 16.  He was almost thrown in jail because of back child support for a child that was not his because he signed the birth certificate.  Well you probably want to know what does all this have to do with his alcoholism?...Well I have tried to rationalize his problem away in my own head because of all the "issues" he had when we were apart with his dad dying of cancer and his child's mother deceiving him.  However, the biggest deceiver is the alcoholic himself.

 

Right now we are living together.  I am miserable because I dont make enough to pay my mortgage and his job does not pay much more than mine so he does not give me the money I really need to help pay bills.  If he has anything left over it goes to beer.  I am praying and working feverishly to be able to make it financially so I won't need his money.  I have enabled him through allowing him to stay at my house because I dont like being alone for long periods of time.  At any rate, I am starting to finally realize after looking in the mirror at myself that I have got to really try to cut him loose for good.  The nearly 11 years we have been living together has been hell, the mood swings, impulsiveness, threats about not giving me money, telling me "he does not date me anymore because you fuss all the time.  Near payday he goes to his disabled mom's house where is sister and her 3 kids live, gets smashed, calls me and lies about coming back home that night and rings the doorbell the next day with bloodshot eyes smelling like dope or cigarettes.  I apologize for the long rant but ladies it feels great to know I am not alone.....God Bless All of Us

 

 

 

 

 

 

I finally found a man who doesn't need to live in my residence, and live off my income.  I am older now - but we live a 20 minute drive apart - I work full time, still have two teens at home I am responsible for and I run a house on my own.  He barely works, and doesn't need to work a lot.  However, it seems to be me who is the one running out there, rushing around doing my errands on my lunch and after work, so I can go to his place to spend time with him.  He starts drinking most days after 2:00 p.m. so of course can't drive anywhere.  He will ditch me and not contact me all evening because a "friend" stopped in and they go out and drink and snowmobile, so I am at bottom of totem pole.  He has all week to clean his own house (I do it most times I am there), and work in garage, ice fish, "play" so to speak - I don't have that time.  My question:  He is 8 yrs. older - I do not need to settle, and am feeling that this is not right at all!  I am not that special to him, and am at bottom of the totem pole for him.  So, don't settle.  Everything does work out.

 

well your lucky because mine drinks 24/7

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 10 years now and let me tell you ladies that think things are going to change or that he's going to put the booze down and pick you or your kids you are so wrong. Me and my son have always been second while booze stays number one. He has been mentally, physically, and emotionally abusive, but the only thing that keeps me here in this relationship is that my son is not bilogically mine and if I left him I would be worried that his daddy is doing something to hurt him. We have been involved with DCS before because he has hit his son in the face and broke his glasses. His son doesn't have a relationship with him at all and is scared of him. I know I'm only one person, but I would never allow him to hurt this child he would just  have to hurt me or kill me first. He has been in and out of jail for DUI's. He has two older kids that don't want anything to do with him because of his drinking and they call me and talk to me about how abusive he was to them as little kids and they have to live with those memories the rest of their lives and I so prayed that our son wouldn't have to, but he is. Things don't get better they get worse. I work and he stays home drawing unemployment, but will say that he is the one taking care of us. My son has so many mental issues and problems getting in trouble in school and just not able to do the things he should because of his dad. He has had good jobs and lost them because he stayed up all night before getting drunk and listening to music that he just didn't go to work and got fired. I have lost many nights of sleep because he listens to the music so loud and I'm a very light sleeper. I pray that things get better for each and every one of us ladies or that God just gives us the strength to leave. Good luck ladies.

I'm going thru the same ...been with him for 3 yrs ...all he does is drink and beats me up .....plus stil in love with his ex

I just want to say I was recently in the same situation. I was on the lease of an apartment because my boyfriend's credit is so bad...why? Because he is an alcoholic and cannot hold down a job. I knew this though when I met him yet I still fell in love with him. My boyfriend was my best friend. he was charming, smart, funny, a heck of a cook, but every morning instead of coffee he would crack a beer and so his day would begin "by getting his blood alcohol level up" as he would say. In June, I got fed up with being the only one who worked while he sat home and drank, plus he began to get physically and emotionally abusive during our few fights (which were over him texting his ex girlfriend. That was a red flag I should have seen)..It has been a month since we seperated and I miss him terribly but I no longer feel as if I am enabling an alcoholic. Now he needs to do something every day besides drink and watch t.v

I have dated an alcoholic for almost 9 yrs. ON & OFF. He is thoughtful, would do anything for me and loves me. I love him BUT when he is drunk he will find something wrong that I've done and becomes verbally abusive which causes mental abuse. It HURTS and then ANGERS me. He has even thrown out some of MY things that I kept at his home. He refuses to get help (I don't live with him) and I realize that I will NEVER be able to live there because I don't know if I'm going to find the man I first loved or someone totally opposite when I'm at his home. I know my family wants me to get out of it and I KNOW IN MY HEART that I can't live like this but I don't know how to break it off without a lot of "ugly" on his part. I did break it off for a year and a half with no contact dictated by him. He has a dog that I've loved since a puppy & he would not let me see her. I had a very unexpected death in my family at that year and 1/2 mark and didn't know who to seek comfort from except him. I went there and things slowly began again. I'm in the same place - IT WON'T WORK- If you ladies will get out as soon as possible do so. It's terrible to love the sober man and literally hate the drunk one. I have to decide how to handle getting out of this relationship and the pain that I know it will cause. Then again, it's painful being verbally and mentally abused and it's affecting my health.

i think so you can check your bf habit .he is a daily drink or not.

I have been with a alcoholic bf for 4 years, trying to end this many time and I am still working on it to end this whole thing. 

This is what I read about after doing some research:

1) Most of the alocholic will not admit, but even if they admit they do not want to fully stop.

2) most want to drink like social drinker or think they can be some functional drinker and they want to tell themselve they can control, they will one day manage to control it but they cannot, it only get worst because they are not equiped to be normal for their case

3) drinking more and more causes more memory loss as the chemical is damanging their brain, the more toxic they put into their mouth the more their brain become worst and also lost the power to change / stop

4) drinking more and more causes anixety and anger, so the more they drink, the more angry and more anixety they will get when they are sober (after effect) and this make them feel stressful due to the constantly anger inside them that they build up, so they go back to drinking again

5) depression - why they have depression? drinking make them high, the longer they drink, the more they need to drink to reach that high level. so when they do not drink every moment is a suffering or tortune or stess day or depression day for them as they want to go to the alcohol because it RELAX them (short cut)

6) vodka and hard liqor make them mean and angry when they are drunk, they will be more abusive

7) beer make them nicer when they are drunk, not so harmful but beware as they will pee and soil the bed because they need to drink a lot of beer to get high (they will not be so abusive compare to drinking hard liqor)

8) the younger they start drinking the harder it is for them to stop

9) will the next generation have alcoholic problem - yes and no.

the gene will pass from parent to kid depending how much he have been drinking

but if the kid is bought up properly and have strong mind set they can control (my dad is a alcoholic and smoker, he drink & smoke until he died but I am normal yet due to my dad I keep attract such alcoholic into my life so you do have to teach your kid and love your kid a lot more if there is alcohic in your family, their most dangerouse age is 1-18)

10) due to the embrassment and suffering - most of the gf and wife will have no friend or either our friends will get tired of our repeat story and feels that we deserve this (since we make the choice not to leave them)

11) family & gf need a lot of support but not easy to get support from their own circle friend

12) they create drama when they drink - they will blame you, they will fight you, they will do things to make you angry, they will be defensive with bullish excuse and then forget what they have done

13) unfaithful & cheating & womanizing - when they drink they want to have fun and company and other woman that is not stess by living with them are happy to provide that thinking they are just drunk (note that most alcoholic are good looking and they are high and they sweet talk you to do what they want), even when you confront him he will claim he forgot what happen.

14) money - he will slowly stop working and you will love him so much and pay for all, then you resent him because you are working so hard and he is only drinking, and 10 years down the road he is still the same

15) gulity - you feel bad that you have to leave him behind, you want to help but it is so much pain that you need to help to heal yourself first

16) homeless - many alcoholic are scare to be homeless so they need to attach to someone to take care of them, and to put a roof on top of them, and baby sit them when they detox and recovering. are we a slave or being make use of? yes we all are. we all know that but we do not want to spell out.

17) most alcoholic will not stop even if you die infront of them, not even if their parent or mum or kid die infront of them when they are drinking, they will use that as an excuse to go on to drink more. their brain are not functioning at that moment

18) can you change him? the answer is no.

19) can he change? yes. god give human a thing call choice. so human have the choice to say no, it will be very hard because only he can make the choice. 

20) is this a disease - yes it can be in their gene

21) is this s sickness - yes it is because their blood and brain already being poison and the more they take the harder it is for them to control, the earlier they stop the easier they can still help themselves.

22) promise - will they keep their promise? we all know how many disappointment we have gone though, it is enough to tell us they will not keep their promise, it means nothing to them, it is just words, they are in a stage to lied to get to the alcohol. 

23) are you the cause of all these? no you are not. and do not let him put you down.

24) yes he can also disrespect you infront of other woman, but you should be happy to let that woman take over him so you can walk away and start a new happy life.