Husband has been smoking marijuana daily for many years--has no motivation or emotional responses

Hi WOW stumbled on this in google needing help. I also have this problem. He has left the house because i have started to stand strong. We have been married for 15 years he has smoked pot the whole time up and till 3 years ago. I asked him to stop. He did stop for a couple of years but know he is back into it hard again. Im 36 he is 39. We have 2 teenage boys who are not close to him because of it and are dissapionted in him. I also feel used. No help with housework, does not like me going out, sh*t sex. I raised his daughter to a previous for 15 years dealing with her horrible mother who did not want raise her daughter but controlled everything that happened in my home and my husband let it happen. Never backing me up or sticking up for me. I have no self esteem left or anything left. Yes and he still turns it all around on me that its something Im not doing right and I have to change. He has started to be very paraniod and trying to tell me Im not up to scratch in the relationship department. He is not going to win this time. The funny thing is that he still thinks Im going to come around and let it slide.....hahaha not anymore

It's amazing to see how many people are in the same relationship. I'm a man that has never really enjoyed pot but started smoking it regularly a few years back. I sat my lazy ass on the couch, had no interest in sex, complained that she got tired of my video games, and was basically every other part of what you described your husbands as. This put me around like minded people and I was privy to the events of their relationships. All the same. I would regularly hear them tell their significant others how they were trying to change them, and I would hear them tear the poor women down and then talk terrible trash about them as they left the room. Most of these idiots have no idea how trashy they sound. That's what set me apart from the rest. I love my girl. I do t want her to have to foot the bill for everything. While the women are out barely making a living, these children are sitting at home stoned. Honestly, from a guy that has been there, we dont deserve you. I am not these guys and my small bout of depression that landed me on the couch didn't last long. These guys will not change anytime soon. I'm really urging you to start saving your money when possible and get enough to leave. Anyone that works as hard as you do to be happy, should be happy. You are all beautiful and you are a gift to the world. Realize it! Act like it! You are being taken advantage of and it's not going to change. I'm afraid that you will eventually grow older and realize just how much life you didn't get to live because of this situation. LEAVE! ASAP! Go find a man that will treat you as you should be. I cannot stress that enough. Don't waste your life anymore.

[This might be longer than your original post...]I feel very sorry for the women in this thread, I am a 21 year old male that has been diagnosed with Bi-Polar, at certain points in my relationship (which has been tumultuous up until a year ago) I was the partner you are describing. I have smoked pot all day every day for months on end. I wasn't interested in sex at all, I occasionally masturbated, I would sit and watch an entire TV series before I got off the couch. I was an emotional zombie, and often degrading and abusive my girlfriend.Sound familiar?

The difference is I was with the girl that you women can't be (mostly because of your responsibilities and tastes), these men want a best friend, a buddy, someone to smoke pot and play video games with. But at the same time as my girlfriend being my best friend, I worked on being emotionally open with her, worked on our sex life, control my temper and I still to this day am doing my best to make up for any shortcomings.

Now the reason I included my mental condition to begin with is that marijuana boosts serotonin, alleviates mood disorders and f**k, I enjoy the hell out of it.

IT'S AN ESCAPE.

Before I was diagnosed I smoke upwards of 4 grams of hydroponic weed a day, I was either heavily depressed or so manic I couldn't stop talking about utter BS. I got some help, I got off the laced, dirty hydro, I actually quit pot cold turkey and started taking a fairly tame doses of Seroquel, an anti-psychotic with a anti-depressant edge. While these dealt with some of the strange behaviors associated with bi-polar, I felt the emotion begin to drain from my life.

I didn't withdraw from the pot, nothing bad happened. Actually nothing at all happened until I smoked a couple bowls at my best friends house, (where I lived previously, putting him through the worst of my mental disorder) and at once I felt myself again, I was cracking jokes, LAUGHING? (which unheard of at the time). And best of all I picked up the guitar that had collected way too much dust.My girlfriend and I moved away from the city, to where you can't find hydroponics, only natural bush grown pot. I stick to my meds, smoke a few bowls with her at night and our relationship/sex life and future have never been better.I believe wholeheartedly that the men or "boys" you describe are either disillusioned, depressed, unhappy with you as a partner or suffering from something similar to my experience. What else could it be? Marijuana made their wonderful lives horrible, and locked them into the couch? Speaking from the view of a chronic stoner, its not that hard to put the bong down and get up and do something.. But its got to be more interesting than smoking pot and there has to be real motivation.If you cut your losses, you may very well benefit from the change.But the man of your dreams is very likely still in there, wanting to get out but not knowing how.Their behavior is akin to the angst, confusion and depression of puberty. Your not his wife. Your probably his Mom.

Sorry for any spelling errors, grammatical mistakes. Errors like "abusive my girlfriend".You get the gist.

My fiance does the exact same things. He only wants to masturbate to other girls on the internet. He smokes about a thousand dollars away a month (not exaggerating). He won't talk to me about anything. AT  ALL. He prefers to spend all his time smoking and hanging out with the guys. Which also include some girls (but he always forgets to mention that.) He'll tell his friends anything though... while I'm there. But if I try to join the conversation he just shuts it down and is like lets go smoke. (Which I don't do) I'm not saying that I haven't tried it. I've smoke several times just because he said I can't ask him to quit cuz I've never done it so I can't hate it. So I asked him if I did it.. completely sacrificing my morals and didn't like it if hed quit and he said yes. Well, that never happened. I'm sooo sick of it. No, I don't think there's any underlying reasons that they do this. I think they are addicted assholes and I'm to the point that I tell him to his face and we get into arguments. I have a feeling if things dont change soon, we aren't going to be going out much longer. 3yrs wasted.

Hi there
When i was looking for 'husband smokes pot' and read ur story which s very similar with mine;/ i m 30 yrs old my husband s 33 he smokes it everyday if he runs out he s a bad temper very bad one he tells me of constantly tells me how useless i m i know when he doesn't have it. I always felt sexy as a woman but he turned me into woman who has no confidence in herself. I had 2 operations to feel much prettier hoping he d live me more and show me attention but mistaken;/ sex life does not exist anymore i found lots of porn cds at home no wonder why he s not into sex we stopped trying after he couldn't have an erection 3 years of our marriage i believed it s my fault that he didn't want me it s all my fault that we argued but now i know it s not me it s him and he s the one without confidence i m planning to leave him but scared to death to make the first move how to do it when???;/

I really feel u u re not alone i hope we can both be free from this hell soon we definitely deserve better

I know that this is very late, but if you haven't already- divorce him. I would never stay with a man that is that big of a burden. To you, to society. Damn, I'm speechless.

WOW im that pothead...I Love My Girl very much an want to get a grip on my usage, 

found these posts an sadly girls you are not wrong... not by a hair...

only thing i can say is that i dont verbally attack her, i pump the brakes...

but the isolation, loss of interest, never seeing goals through, intimacy all that stuff is true...

this is a big eye opener...

now if you'll excuse me i have a girls heart to win back an a life to change...

Good bye Marry... xo

 

Word to the wise for pot smokers:
1. Pay attention to how cannabis affects you personally, both mentally and physically. Tailor consumption to best suit your desired performance.
2. Know your goals. If progress isn't satisfactory, cut your dependence on the 'detached' perspective.
3. If your significant other doesn't smoke frequently, you probably shouldn't either. Being in comparatively different states of mind hinders communicative clarity and mutual understanding.
4. Cannabis is best enjoyed with notions of peace, creativity, and unity.

It really isn't that hard to use cannabis responsibly, yet some men (and, yes, even some women) continue to abuse it, allowing their habitual dependence to become so outstanding as to cause serious problems in their daily life. Many would argue that negative behavior resulting from serious cannabis dependence shows an even greater lack of character than behavior resulting from highly-addictive substances such as alcohol, methamphetamine, etc., since cannabis withdrawals are far less exhaustive and, therefore, the user is more aware and in control of their own destructive actions. Cannabis can and should be used responsibly but abuse of any drug can destroy relationships as well as the individual. The guidelines set out above are, in the opinion of myself and others, an excellent policy for moderating usage to a responsible and, perhaps, beneficial pattern.

On a personal note, I've been smoking for eight years but typically only once per day, sometimes twice, and usually in the evenings. During this period, I've been promoted to management at one job, got another full-time job in management and have held it for five years, got an Associate's degree and am currently pursuing a BA in Philosophy, practiced mixed martial arts for a year, studied various fields of interest and frequently engage in debate and discussion with academics and other field experts, have sex with my girlfriend daily, hardly ever masturbate, work out at least twice a week, eat right, don't drink and enjoy social gatherings of all types (so long as I'm not required to get drunk). That said, I can totally relate to some of the comments here. There have been times where I used to smoke all day but, fortunately, I would never tolerate becoming a burden to anyone. When you smoke throughout the day, you are stoned throughout the day and aren't likely to get anything done. When your hormones are fluctuating with cannabis (testosterone, for example, rises greatly immediately after smoking then declines for hours afterward), it won't be easy to match the libido of your non-smoking counterpart. Hence, if you're going to smoke frequently, find a partner who enjoys it as much as you do. Otherwise, cut back. In either case, don't make it a problem.

Cannabis has helped my life, immensely. We live in a world where material attachments are ruining our capacity to work together as a species. We lack empathy, consciousness and creativity. Used in moderation, cannabis can help. Once we abuse it for our own vanity, we are back to where we started.

The men who get stoned to masturbate and play video games while their wives work full-time are not remotely capable of supporting their own lifestyle, let alone supporting a woman. This is obvious. To the women who have allowed themselves to be used, I'd say: shame on you.

To the women who cheat because they aren't satisfied with their relationship: you are filthy and disgusting. Honestly, if you don't have the strength to break up with someone before having sex with another, you are no better than the person you condemn. I have no sympathy for either of you.

Get rid of him he's just a smack head if he loves you he d give up

thats totally messed up why do all the assholes get the loyal girls, pot isn't his problem its what he is feeling deep down and what he wants thats surfacing. i smoke pot everyday since i was 18 now im 21 i have normal sleep habits play games to pass time but knew my priority when i had a girlfriend for 2 years i quit smoking and if i did so i would never let her see me or get high while spending time with her its all about her and what makes her happy the pot brings that out in me the caring side and a bit of dark emotions along with it but i shun them aside its 2013 i still smoke at least once a day but when i get a steady job and if i ever get a nice girl again pot is done its just your will and motivation, some people lose theirs during the period of pot smoking i have started to feel that way so im planning to quit shortly as should he hes far ahead of me in the pot smoking area

OMG! I thought no one else had that problem but me! I had a husband who smoked a lot of pot (not as much as yours, but a few bowls every day). He instead watched porn CONSTANTLY. He downloaded it onto his computer and ripped it onto DVDs. We had literally thousands of porn DVDs around the house. I'm no prude, but that much porn bothered me. The pot + the porn affected our sex life. He wanted me to do the things the porn stars did. Some of the acts made me uncomfortable. He had trouble getting it up, also. When we first met, he was quite overweight, but was in the process of losing it. He was handsome at the time of our wedding, but quickly gained the weight back. When he got up to 350 lbs (at 5'10"), he developed diabetes. I was NOT attracted to him at that point. Despite my protests, he ignored his blood sugar and continued to eat triple cheeseburgers, giant Cokes and french fries. I was tiny at 115 lbs. The he got where he wouldn't go to work, just smoked pot and watched porn all day, and depended on my small salary to support us. Our financial situation quickly went down the toilet. I had it and divorced him.  

I have dated several potheads, and had several friends who were potheads, even thought I don't smoke. I'm high strung and liked their relaxed attitude. At first. EVERY pothead I have ever met has ZERO motivation and doesn't get anywhere in their life. They don't seem to realize it either, and are in total denial about any possible connection that the pot may have with it, or even that lack of motivation might be an issue with them. I graduated from college and graduate school, and my current husband, who has never smoked, is a successful engineer. We make over $100 K/year. That of course is not conclusive evidence, but it convinces me, for sure. I suggest you divorce your husband, because it will never get better. I also think that porn can be addictive. My ex-husband even belonged to a porn rental service, like Netflix. Good grief.  

Hello,

It is so sad to read all those posts by women, who have tried to live with potheads for so many years. All I have got to say is you women are so brave to even be able to contribute so much time into changing the relationship, and it shows your loyalty for the marriage. I am in a similar situation myself, even though I have been married for only 6 months so far.

I had never smoked weed in my life before meeting him. He used to be a pothead back in the day, now he enjoys it regularly. I have always been against weed, and even though I have tried it myself couple times, it still makes me stand strong against it.

The night we got home from our wedding ceremony, he told me that he is not into smoking anymore, he will quite it and it will only be a once in a while thing. But starting the next morning I went through a month of misery, because he was smoking 24/7 nonstop. There were so many times I walked out of the door, yet  his text massages that this is his way of quitting and by the end of the month he will stop it has always got me back to the house, because I love him and I wanted to trust him. Then he took a break for couple months. Now we have moved to our own apartment and things have started over again. He does not smoke all day, not even everyday, yet he smokes every time he gets an opportunity to, I even found him lying to me because of weed and sneaking out on me. He even started making plans to hang out with his pothead friends without me, and now rarely includes me in group hang outs...

I do love him, and I have tried to compromise with him on this topic so many times. We have agreed to keep it at least couple times a month, but now he has already planned several weekends in a row hanging out with his pothead friends without me... Now i guess I won't even have weekends to spend with him. That makes me think that weed is so much more important for him then me.  

I am very sad about this relationship. I want my marriage to last forever, I love him and I want to improve stuff. Yet he says that I nag, I am trying to change his true self and that I do not love him for himself... That makes me wonder: does he love me, because he hurts me so much by realizing it.

Is there any solution to this? What shall I do? Shall I just wait, be patient and see where the things take, or is it just going to be a wast of time?

Please help me out. Email me.

Omg I'm so glad I'm not the only one going threw this.my fiance is 30 and been smoking since 16 and refuses to stop.he has a great career and have no emotions to life or anything.we've been together for ten years and have two children.we suppose to get married in august but I cannot deal with this anymorei.ii need some help as well.I set up counseling but he's always angry.

hi ive been going out with my boyfriend for 14 years and have 2 children with him . he also smokes marijuana everyday. he smoked it before we got together but i didnt realize just how much. It constantly makes me feel down . Ive asked im to stop so many times to the point i actually feel like im going mad. I cry most of the time nowadays. He wont even compromise and just have a couple a day. His world just seems to be all about the smoke. My oldest daughter knows about it but i dread the day my son who is now 8 ever finds out. I dont smoke , but i have an occasional drink at home someimes just to take the edge off watching him always smoking. I stand at the kitchen window washing the pots and look out and hes just sat there puffing away . when he comes in he brings that disgusting smell back in the house which lingers for ages. i just hope we dont have visitors cause i would be so embarrassed. He never ally wants o do anything outside the house like go for a walk with he kids or just show some kind of interest in them . He does work though everyday 8 ill 5 and has done for the last 13 years . hes always provided for his family so i cant faul him on that . In all the time ive known him he hasnt taken me out once . Now as he years have passed im feeling very down and trapped cause i have his children and coming from a family myself without a dad bringing me up . I feel as a mother i have to stick with it for my children so they can have a mother and father there for them. T he thought of being on my own again and finding new love also scares me. all i can say to you if this is an early marriage and there are know children involved its probabley best to get out now!! mine too plays on video games all the time which i find to watch boring. the bedroom department ok but only when he wants it. so hes very selfish really.!!! I dont know what im going to do yet but i know he will never stop smoking that stuff so i dont no what our future holds.