Husband lying about masturbating

I’m in the same situation with my wife and her masturbating in the bathroom. It’s not even the masturbation that hurts it’s the lies and rejection. I’m on the verge of giving up.

L

I do not understand we masturbate why are we lying about doing it.Giving other excuses of what we are doing.The next time someone asks me what am I doing I am going to respond I am masturbating.

My husband has a fetish - he likes women to stand on his body. This fetish is called trampling. While I have, in part enjoyed standing on him and in part indulged him, this has been at the cost of enjoying intimacy and intercourse. Our sex life had become like this: I stand on him while he masturbates and then I use a toy on myself while he sucks my nipples. This lacked the intimacy that I needed and we spoke about it. He is thoughtful and we tried some intercourse. He struggled to keep an erection. When I thought about our sex life I realised that he has always struggled to 'perform'.
Now he masturbates incessantly! It's always done to trample porn and by him looking at a profile of a woman offering services. I can put up with the porn but not the perusal of real women offering services. I spoke to him about this and he seemed to understand. Months later he did the same thing. We argued. We settled down and managed to agree that he masturbates while I'm out of the house. I really don't seek to control him but can't help feeling rejected when he's not choosing intimacy with me but porn, profiles and masturbation. How disconcerting to be lying alone in bed 'knowing' that he is doing that.

I think his habit is costing us our marriage.

He began by finding 'errands' for me to run out of the house just so that he could masturbate to porn & prostitutes' profiles. I felt manipulated (again). It was just like the night I wanted to watch a film in bed but he asked me to watch it downstairs so as not to keep him awake only to discover him masturbating.
Now he's gone back to masturbating to porn and to prostitutes' profiles while I'm in the house. When I ask him if he's masturbating, he looks me in the eyes and lies to me.

I think he's got a big problem with this. There have been instances where we've made love and he's ejaculated yet an hour later, he's looking at porn, prostitutes' profiles and masturbating.
There are so many stories I could tell. The lies hurt and the rejection is painful. But he'll always lie to me and manipulate me by telling me he desires me and wants to improve our sex life. But how can we when he's lying to me? After he's wanked for the fifth time, there's nothing left for me.
I am his third wife and I can see why. He's first marriage lasted a couple of years and she had an affair and left him. He was married to his second wife for nearly ten years and they had never consummated the marriage. And now there's me.

We've talked about counseling but it never materialises and I know that he is uncomfortable talking about his fetish / sex life with others.

I spoke to a close friend about our problems and because I've always sought to be honest with my husband, I told him. Well! The sh*t hit the fan!! He said he felt betrayed amongst other things so said I would not talk to her about his most intimate secret again. He expects me to honour him in this way yet he chooses to dishonour me by going back on our agreement and lying about it.

I feel anger at him now as I feel that he's denied me the chance of motherhood.

Recently, he's stopped drinking alcohol and hasn't come near me. He talked about lack of labido being one of his side effects but yesterday he masturbates to trample porn and prostitutes' profiles at least twice in the day!! Low labido?! Here goes the manipulation.

Options?

I feel your pain, which had prompted the 'Guest' post from me about my situation.

I wish that my husband was as honest as you would be.

I have been married forty one years and we have gone through incest,pornography,cheating.We did get counseling and worked it out.
I know it will be hard to admit that he has a problem and just like a alcoholic you need to admit to yourself that you have a problem.
If you get registered here on the site and get the required posts to be able to send personal messages I am here to listen.

It sounds as though your relationship has gone through a lot. I'm am happy that you've come through on the other side. I reckon good counseling is the key to mending things and working them out.

You are absolutely right. The first step to healing is the admission that "I am an addict".

It was very early in the morning and I was in bed wondering why I bother with relationships, contemplating becoming a nun in outer Mongolia when I decided to take a drive to help me to think properly. So I woke my husband to tell him that I was going out. He woke with a start and asked me whether everything was all right. I told him, "No.". I told him that I was going to ask him a question and that I wanted the truthful answer. At the time I thought that if he came clean then the relationship could be saved but if he lied to me then I would leave him as he was yet again not showing any respect for our relationship. So I asked him if he had been masturbating in the bathroom again despite our agreement not to do this private act when I was in the house. And guess what? He looked me squarely in the eye and lied to me once again. I screamed at him, "I've seen you! I've f*#king seen you!!". I told him that I was leaving him. He froze. Then the truth came pouring out.

Yet again he lied and only came clean when faced with the evidence - I had burst in on him on the toilet yesterday and hadn't seen him masturbating but cleaning himself up.
At the time he'd thought my bursting in on him very strange; I don't normally do these things but knew I had to be armed with 'evidence' if I was to get any truth from him.

I reckon he thought he'd gotten away with it.

I'll look into registering.

In our house we have a open door policy.Nothing was hidden from others and total honesty was the main ingredient.So if my wife needed extra stimulation she got it.If we needed to have more foreplay then that is what we did.Open communication.

I'm on the verge of tears everyday for a lack of sex life in my marriage. All the emotions it makes a person feel. I just rather work more then be home hurting. Men like you we need more of.

My husband has been masturbating for years and when he gets caught he can't tell the truth he lies to my face bold face lies to me it hurts and he told me when we first got married that when he used to do it when he was with his second wife he was thinking of me now I got to wonder who is thinking about now is this a sign that he wants to cheat but don't have the guts to do it outside the home

i am so sorry...but i guess all guys are the same...

“I just don’t know if i can be with someone who lies to me.” That is a challenge. You need counselling."

That's hilarious - she is dealing with a spouse who lies as a matter of course - and SHE needs counseling? lol She need to get the f out of that relationship ASAP.