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Hey, I've been married to my husband for two years now and we have an 8 month old together. I've recently discovered that he's been going in the bathroom and masturbating. When I caught him in the act he lied and when I caught him afterward he lied too. That bothers me so much! Does he prefer his stinkin hand over me? Am I not good enough for him? He won't tell me anything and he won't admit to it. Why lie if it's so harmless? I even once told him I wanted to have sex, he said he wasn't in the mood, which is completely fine. But, then he went into the bathroom and I caught him. He doesn't realize how insulting that is. And I told him I want a vibrator and he ignores me. Is it normal for him to Masturbate so much?

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99% of men masturbate, the other 1% lies about it.
There's nothing wrong with your husband masturbating, all guys do it.
He lied because he was embarrassed.

Now, choosing masturbation over sex with you is a definite red flag.
You two need to communicate about this.

My masturbating is always secondary to sex with my wife.
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I agree that he lied because he was embarrassed but is he athletic? Maybe he gets tired too early during sex and doesn't want to have quickies and leave you wanting more. I know if I had a partner right now I would have to hit the gym or have her get on top the whole way. I'm strong but I need cardio excercise BAD.
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The other question is what kind of shape are you in?

I hate the be the @$$hole of the group here but many many women let themselves go after they have kids. So if I were you I would do three things (but not one without the other)

#1 Look yourself in the mirror and see if you can tell yourself you look the same as you did two years ago and keep a straight face.
#2 Communicate: be the coolest wife ever and say "this is not a trick question, do you think I need to get in shape."
#3 Suck it up.

ON THE OTHER HAND, if you are in shape. then just communicate.
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I think sometimes his wife giving birth can be harder for the man to come to terms with than it is for her.

Throughout the whole process, he is an onlooker, and yet it changes everything. Sure, he had some part to play in conception, but it can be quite a shock to learn, quite out of the blue, that 3 months after a 'quickie' in the backseat of the car, this little person is coming into the world and it's all because of you! There is a hiatus between cause and effect that can be hard to come to terms with.

And don't forget that sex is still a taboo subject in our culture. It is still regarded by many as something quite shameful and 'dirty'. Which is why I think some men find it hard to reconcile in the one person (his wife), the idea of the mother/virgin on the one hand and the sexual urges he has on the other.

There she is, his wife, this goddess, this sacred vessel of life, who has by dint of some miracle no one can properly understand brought into the world his beautiful son/daughter. He is still having sexual urges, but suddenly has no idea what he should be doing with them.

Maybe he fears that to have sex with you would be somehow to desecrate you, 'pollute' you with these dirty impulses he's been having.

It might be the complete opposite, however - maybe if he witnessed the birth first-hand, he was so repulsed by the fleshly reality of it, by all the gunk the baby came out covered in, all wrinkled like a ninety-year old midget, that it has put him off sex.

The point is, when you are speculating about such things, it can be argued either way.

If you really want to know why he is masturbating rather than having sex with you, you have to talk to him about it.

And as for whether it's 'normal' or not, that's a moot point. It is clearly upsetting you, and so the situation needs sorting out.

My advice is to talk to him. Don't start off by confronting him with the 'evidence', and trying to force him into a 'confession'. From the sounds of it, he's already feeling defensive about it - ashamed - and bullying him will only reinforce his defensive behaviour, and make it harder for you to communicate with one another. Just talk to him about it, calmly, casually, like it's no big deal, like it's nothing for him to be ashamed of (it's not).

He will only open up to you about it when he feeling safe from recrimminations or blame.
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Like everyone says, it is normal for a guy to masterbate. I would have a problem if he refused me sexually.
I'm guessing that he may be tired from work all day. Instead of doing his thing with you, trying to be considerate of what you like, taking the time and energy to make you happy sexually, going thru the motions in the bedroom which takes a while (at least it should) and trying to do all the things that you like, he just takes matters into his own hands (sorry) and gets the job done for himself. It doesn't take much effort for him to masterbate and it's probably over in a shorter amount of time that it would take to satisfy you.
As far as a vibrater goes, go get one. He doesn't need your in put on his masterbation so why should you?
Are you on birth control? Some dads don't want to take the chance of having another baby so soon.
Try and really get a firm hold on him and make him tell you what's up, (sorry again)
If you cought him in the act, he really can't lie to you. Catching him red handed is demeaning to him. That is something we do in private not thinking we are gonna get cought.
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i understand your feeling and your hurt ......me too , my husband always do Masturbate when i am busy at work ....he keep many link and files from Japanese whores sex or some nude pictures from them sent to him in his mail .....or go to look sex video on his Asian groups ......then feel them and do with them ....so i am very hurt .......but when i ask him he will hit me ...and say No ...he lied to me but i am know he did . :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
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Sounds like you have bigger issues than masturbation!
Check these sites out. I will pray for you and that you are safe.
helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

allaboutlifechallenges.org/spouse-abuse.htm

http://www.essortment.com/all/spouseabusedom_rnjw.htm

Blessings!
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The penis experiences different sensations from various kinds of contact. Your husband may find a manual stimulation more exciting, hence you can pick up from here by offering this kind of activity. Left-handed or right-handed masturbation can even feel different, as with forehand or backhand.

Talk to him. He may be avoiding contact due to emotional conflict or he may suspect he has VD & doesn't want you to get it.
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Listen I understand that masturbation is very normal for both men and women whether single or in a relationship, but why are we always making excuses for men.....It's always maybe your not putting out enough or he's too tired. Where's the respect? If this is how it's making you feel or any other women or man for that matter, as your partner who say's they love you they should respect your feelings and lay off using the hand or toy's. I am not saying all together but do it respectfully and have sex with your partner to show them you still find them attractive and love them. That way everyone is happy!!!
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Seriously! I just found out that my husband of 5 years has been masturbating regularly and lying to me about it. I always asked him because i thought all men did it, but he lied and said NEVER. What really upsets me the most, i would always ask him to have sex and want to try new things, but he would turn me down. We would have sex once a week MAXIMUM and finding out that he is masturbating really hurts. My needs are going unmet and he is justifying this by saying "its just something that all men do." that is a load of c**p. If the man has a woman that is willing to give him anything he wants, anytime he wants and is even willing to help him masturbate so it can be a quickie...there is no friggin excuse. I feel like this is a betrayal in the marriage especially since he lied to me for 5 years. I just don't understand why all these women are letting the men get away with this behavior. It is rude and it hurts.
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I wouldn't worry too much about husband masturbating as long as he considers to be the one. My wife caught me masturbating me today and yes, I feel embarrassed and started checking on the internet as for how women feel about this topic.

Let me explain you my point of view on this topic: I love my wife dearly and she is the one who is going to be with me for the rest of my life. The issue I am facing is: I work for 16 hours a day and I hardly can afford any resting time (6 days a week). I need to relax. Unfortunately having sex with my wife, although is an exciting experience, is VERY tiring. She likes to be on the bottom and I need to spend a lot of energy doing the act which really drains me even further. So, sex is not fun anymore to me. It’s a serious effort! Given the kind of stress I have in this economic situation, and the kind of hard to reach goals I have in my life, sometimes I feel so under. That’s when a quick 2min masturbation elates my spirits. If its sex, I need to get into the mode, lure my wife into the act, do the foreplay, get her high spirited and do the act… this is way more demanding compared to the 2min jerk off. However, if you ask me how I consider my wife… she (and her soon-to-come out baby) is my first priorities in my life.
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I don't agree at all with you.

Let me start at the beginning for me.

Sometimes my other half and I would fight really bad. And he'd come to bed and want, nono, EXPECT to have sex BECAUSE he needed to work the next day and wanted to be tired. Only two times I put up a fuss and I learned my lesson quickly. So, even when I didn't want to emotionally, I put out. It's not at all fair to say that because you work you deserve to pleasure yourself quickly.

Pregnant women, feel hideous. I feel outright disgusting. It is a LOT of work being pregnant. The two things I think we deserve... are massages, and sex when we want it.
If this was the other way around for you, and you found your very pregnant wife absolutly irresistable... and she had no interest, YOUD BE JERKING OFF. So either way you can justify doing it. Its not fair. At all.

My other half has finally told me no more sex... and that its him and not me.... fine. I want it all the time... I want to FEEL not just hear Im beautiful, so I asked one thing in return. I asked him not to jerk off, because he knows it hurts me. This should have been a fair exchange...
But no, I got told we wernt talking about it anymore.

He insists on going to bed alone at night so he can fall asleep guickly to go to work, and it makes me wonder....

I sit out in the living room tired waiting to be able to go to bed.... crying because Im not enough. Or that he cant just give up one thing for one more month MAX and Ive had to give up my whole body image, my energy. I dont like being a burden and I dont like needing the front seat on a bus.

I cant cry around him when it's because of him... he just gets angry and then we fight.

I know that Im not crying for no reason, I know he does it, and it hurts. (I've found boxers that have been used for cleanup) So, For the poster, your wife is likely very very hurt inside. If you dont want sex, dont jerk off. If you have sex with her, maybe in the morning before work, jerk off later if you can go twice. Or jerk off in the morning and have sex later.

Not comming for a while is okay. If us women can do without, so can men. We have to deal with just as much if not more (being pregnant) without NEEDING a release.

Just take her feelings into consideration because being pregnant... is a roller coaster... and some women like sex more and its not like being pregnant lasts forever with that aspect.




-If I dont sound reasonable to the men OR women, let me know. Im very insecure and feel like Im asking too much. (Even though I can justify it)
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If you're pregnant the only things you should be doing are eating sleeping and banging. If my girl could handle it I would have sex with her 10 times a day, and I go all out balls to the walls. We go for an hour minimum usually, so if your not getting sex you need to figure what your not doing that he needs or set him up with a gay dating website cause he is now a homosexual. Every girl is beautiful in a unique way and deserves to receive that physical and emotional attention involved in intimacy, otherwise the vagina would be just for show. But seriously why in the world would u talk about masturbating to your husband??? To someone thats seen people come out of you, you've now made it awkward. Thats private stuff, don't ask if you don't want problems, buy the best vibrator you can find and go to town all day. Encourage eachother to get off, sex only entails more sex, the more you do it the better you feel and the better it gets. Buy him the porn he wants when u go get ur vibrator too. Let him stick it in the backdoor too i'm sure thatll get him going. Good luck!
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My boyfriend and father of my children is obsessed with masturbating. Masturbating is not good in a relationship unless you have been fighting or away from each other for an unbearable amount of time. This c**p has ruined my life! First it was porn... then it was him looking at people I know on facebook!! My friends! Then (my dumb@$$ still didnt leave him...) it was back to porn. He never quit even though it was ruining our family. Well he finally quit looking at porn but I am ruined because of all of this. He told me 5 months ago that to get off he had to picture being with a porn star. He had been doing it every time we made love for a year and a half!!! So all those really intimate times we had together.... I was a blow up doll! He was not making love to me, he was making love to her...(who ever she is). And I know I look good so thats not the case. After that it was over. Cant make love without thinking if hes doing it still. I have even acted like I want sex almost every day (even though sex makes me feel useless and even worse now) just to try and make him stop the porn and the masturbating. He admitted he is a sex addict and now is getting help at group meetings. It is amazing he has that self controll and is so honest with me. He is my best friend and we can tell eachother everything. But unfortunatly as long as I am with him I dont feel that I well ever feel up to par. I will never have perfectly round, large breasts or perfect skin. I will never have long beautiful hair. I will never look like those women on those videos. I'm me. Im in perfectly good shape Im 22 for christs sake! Now I have to seek therapy because of how he made me feel about myself. Because of how jealous and controlling it made me. I need to go to meetings now because he messed me up that bad. If it doesnt work, we will have to split up and our children and family will be ruined. It is on me now. Even if he stopped like he said. Even if he completely stops masturbating... even if he cures himself and puts this addiction in the past....Its about me now. Will I ever be cured? Will I forgive him and will I ever feel sexy for him? If I cant do it and cure MYSELF it will be a shame that I let my soulmate go because of porn.
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