After seeing your question, I want to make sure it gets covered. I cannot right now, but I want you to know I will soon. Your penis is not as small as you think it is. But I will explain when I get the chance.
I am sorry for the delay. I am having some personal issues and cannot cover this right now. You need some information on normal penis sizes, and measurement must be done from the pubis bone. So first of all, make sure you measure from there.
You could be a late bloomer or you could have a hormonal imbalance. See your doctor about this while you still have some growth to go. An endocrinologist can run tests to make sure everything is as it should be, and take action if not.
I am sorry I cannot do more right now. I will certainly see if I can help after these issues have been resolved. The problem is I don't know how long that will be.
You have my sincere apologies.
I have thought about this a bit since my last comment and I think it is the way start. With the concerns you raise I do think you should see your doctor and ask her if you seem to be developing normal and to discuss your lack of ejaculate. Raise all of your concerns and if she is not fully convincing when she tells you that you appear to developing normally as a late bloomer, tell her you really need to know as it is making your life miserable. Lowering your self image, esteem, and is a source of depression. Ask to see whatever specialist is recommended, an endocrinologist probably, to find out or at least set your mind at ease. If money is an issue and you don't have insurance, many office use a sliding scale for how much to pay. Plus, after explaining the financial situation, many doctors will charge you the amount an insurance company would actually pay. (They pay a lot less.)
I stand by my comment that your penis, even if 4", is not as small as you think. The normal ranges for penis size are actually pretty wide. While I am no expert, I think you are within the normal range. I mentioned measuring from pubis last time. Let me explain, there is a fleshy, maybe puffy are at the base of the penis which extends across the pubis. This is the apparent base of your penis but it isn't really. It can actually hide part of the penis length depending on your weight and individual characteristics. Push this area against the pubis before measuring. For example, place you finger and thumb in an "ok" position around your penis pushing down at the base, ensuring the measurement is straight from the actual base.
I understand your concerns. Not just the questions of development, but of the size itself. It is a serious concern and source of horrible anxiety for almost all males - the really well hung being the exception. There are no words that can do justice to the anxiety this causes men. I have been working on a post to point out some of these issues for those who aren't familiar with the issue of size in regards to males. It probably wouldn't help you since you already know the its effects all to well. Still, I might post it later when it's done for those looking at this post who may not be aware and thus aid understanding.
A few comments and questions:
The limited hair growth on its own would not necessarily be a concern. Genetics play a large role in this and in some family lines it just doesn't grow much. I have heard, but I don't really know, that some Native American families have this trait. My wife and I both have some Native American heritage and both of us appear to have less hair growth than appears typical. Of course, our heritage may not have any influence on this at all. But it is a thought.
I doubt your answer would change any of my suggestions, but if you are willing to answer, are you able to achieve orgasm during masturbation but you have no ejaculate, or is it that you cannot achieve orgasm at all? Either way, I really think you should have this checked out by you doctor. If you are not satisfied with the answer get a second opinion, or as many as you need to be satisfied of the answer. Insist on a referral to a specialist if need be.
There are treatment options if this is hormonal in nature. Besides the more usually used hormone treatments, human growth hormone (hgh) is sometimes used to treat issues like this. I am sure there are more, this is just what popped into mind at the moment.
I hope this provides some kind of helpful advice. And again, I apologize for the delay.
What do you think of this plan of attack?
Do you have to tell your parents exactly why? Surely they can understand you need some privacy? Perhaps you can approach the doctor's office yourself. Or tell your parents you are concerned about your growth but leave off the embarrassing details. Do they come in with you every time?
With the concerns you have, I really think you should check into this. It is not that I think something is wrong, but this is really damaging to your self image, esteem, worth, mental health, take your pick. If there is a hormonal issue involved, waiting may make it more and more difficult as time progresses.
Some things to consider, go to the county health department on your own without telling your parents. If you have an adult you trust and can confide in discuss with them how to you can get in to see the doctor privately. Try talking to the school nurse or counselor. You don't have to reveal everything to these people, just enough that it is important for you to be seen and you really are uncomfortable with others knowing. Emphasizing nothing is wrong really, just some concerns about growing up that you really feel uncomfortable talking about.
I really do think you can find somebody to help you get started on this without all the embarrassment you are worried about. In any case, considering the harm this is causing you, you might consider trying to get over your embarrassment and talk to your parents. Again, you don't need to reveal everything, just that you are really uncomfortable talking about but it is important you get some kind of resolution or it is just going to drive you crazy.
As an independent observer, I am concerned about how this is affecting you now and how if it will affect you in the future if your concerns are allowed to fester. And if you are having problems with erection and ejaculation, this no longer becomes just a concern for your mental health. This becomes a concerning medical issue.
The way you describe makes it sound like you don't get erections much and when you masturbate you are incapable of orgasm. If that is the case, then this is certainly not a good thing. Taken at face value that is abnormal. How is your sex drive? At your age it should be healthy. If not, you need to have it checked. Perhaps your pituitary gland is having a fit.
Let me give you an example of what happened to me. Do not read too much into what I say here as it will be very different from yours, this is just an example. I did not have developmental issues, but before the end of school I started gaining weight and I lost my sex drive for the most part. I didn't have it checked out and regret that I didn't. My pituitary gland stopped working. Since it is one of the primary control mechanisms for hormones by body just wasn't getting what it needed and caused many problems. A big one was testosterone. When low it reduces hair growth, erections, sexual sensitivity, number and quality of ograsms, etc. And that was due to only one hormone when I had many more off in la la land.
If you are having any problems with any of these then you need to get checked out, embarrassment or not: sex drive, erections, orgasm, sexual sensitivity, or either too much or too little weight gain. There should be more on this list but this is all I can think of at the moment. It should be noted there are other causes that could affect this including how you see yourself as a person and how you view sex and your body in general.
At this point, if I understand that you are having some of the problems, then I would strongly recommend you get checked out. Try alternative means but get in the direct way if needed.
Is there anything you would like to add to help me understand the problem? Can you tell me more specifically what the issues are? For example, are you in fact able to achieve orgasm or do you just not quite get there?
My vote right now is to get it checked if for no other reason than to just ease your mind. It is worth it in this kind of situation.
I mean until semen is ejected out of the penis. If you have not masturbated to completion, perhaps you should since you are concerned about these issues. You might consider this an important diagnostic step. I would call it just that in this case, important to find out. Do you need information about male masturbation?
I will be getting back to you shortly. I apologize for the delay.
I really don't know the best way to masturbate. I don't know if there even is a best way at all. Each person has discovered what works best for them through exploration and experimentation. Ultimately, what works, works.
There are many approaches to masturbation and I am sure there are many I have never imagined. I can mention a few but only you could determine what works best for you. As you said, you know how and understand the basic mechanics. Combined with visualization of some of your fantasies, you should do just fine. However, if you do need some examples, I can provide you with a few. But the best option remains your own exploration and experimentation.
What I am more concerned about is how you view masturbation. Not that you need to answer this, but since you have done little of it and are not sure whether you can reach orgasm or not, I wonder if it is because of concerns regarding it. For example: Do you have a religious objection? Do you think it harmful? Etc. Basically, why have you avoided it? Again, you don't need to answer the question. But this is why I ask if you need more information regarding masturbation. I am concerned you have been misinformed. There is a good reason to ask about your views as it can make a difference in figuring out what is actually going on. If the reason you haven't masturbated much is not due to misinformation but instead due to lack of interest, that would suggest a potential hormonal issue. Hormonal issues can be treated quite successfully.
I mentioned earlier that I was working on a post discussing some of the issues men face in regards to size. I don't know how much of it might be useful to you, but there are a few things in it that may shed some light on your size concerns. It can also serve as an introduction to the issue for those who might be interested. Hopefully I edited out the items not relevant here. It is posted below: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Men have a penis problem. They have penis on the brain, a big one. And it is so heavy it is screwing their egos into the ground. Unless one is well hung, there is little else - I am playing it safe here, personally I really think it is nothing else - that could cause more anxiety. The reason for this is, rightly or wrongly, this is considered a key indicator of manliness. A guy with a smaller penis is thought of as a wimp, feminine, or of questionable sexuality. On the other hand, the larger guy is considered the more masculine, virile, and confident man. (This last point is somewhat true, a larger man often is more confident if they know they are larger. Often times however, especially due to the prevalence of porn and the penile giants employed, they actually don't realize it and thus lose the potential benefits they might have had.) To a guy, penis size is a direct indicator of his ability to please a woman sexually and of prime importance in his attractiveness.
The issue is so ingrained in the male mind that penis size has an effect on just about everything, whether consciously or unconsciously. Naturally men are going to be concerned about how they measure up and will do some comparisons. Different sources list slightly different norms but they are close enough to not really matter. However, it appears the values we have been using for quite a while now have a fatal flaw, they're wrong. (netdoctor - Facts About Penis Size) It turns out the doctors doing the study did not actually do the measuring. Instead they let the subjects measure it themselves in private. With the tremendous anxiety surrounding penis size, with bigger definitely being better, anybody see a problem with letting them measure it themselves?
These measurements were going to be compared against each other to find the average and normal size ranges. Sure, they wouldn't be present so they wouldn't be embarrassed, but when has that mattered in a penis contest? Surely a little fudging won't hurt, right? With the intense social pressure regarding this, there is no minor differences in size. An eighth of a inch might as well be a mile. The result? Exaggerated statistics pushing the average way up. So all this time, men have been comparing themselves to this to see how they measure up, using data that is significantly skewed in a negative way. The resulting calculated average was something like an inch or a little more too high. This resulted in a lot of normally sized guys who thought they were sexually inadequate, and that women really wouldn't want a smaller guy, therefore they would not want him. Maybe when nothing better is around, but when something better - read that as bigger - does come around, she may very well leave him. I imagine this is part of the jealousy and control issues some men have.
This little error has done a tremendous amount of damage to male self-esteem. You want to know what made it worse? You already know the answer, porn. Porn makes it look like the average guy is actually pretty big. Us guys see that and realize we don't quite cut it. (Quite? No we miss it by a mile.) Now not only were they told they were inadequate, here was proof positive! All of these men were much larger, sometimes even larger than is considered the normal range. Did I say this was worse? I'm sorry, I meant this was devastating! In their minds, men now knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that theirs is smaller than any normal man, so now they believe they are freakishly short! What woman would want a guy like that?
Most men honestly believe that while porn may be slightly exaggerated - it isn't, it is hugely exaggerated - they still should come very close at least or women will not be satisfied. And those of us who know, and even know better, still feel too small as a result.
It can get worse, I haven't said anything about when he is flaccid. The size when not erect varies a great deal. Nature's practical joke on many men. For some it doesn't change very much, for others the change is tremendous. The penis may look like a child's and actually be beyond average when erect. Its can get even worse, remember that fleshy area I mentioned that might hide part of his shaft? As he gains weight, which is happening a lot these days, fat forms around the area hiding even more of the penis. Depending on his weight, and a little extra shrinkage on a given day, it may look like he doesn't have a penis at all! (This really does happen sometimes and it incredibly harmful to his self worth. And that is a huge understatement.) Yet I assure you, when erect it would be of perfectly normal size.
And no matter what we like to say to make us feel better, size does matter to many women. Just not usually as much as what we fear. A good part of the problem is our cultural obsession with penile penetration. We are led to believe - not taught because they don't bother with that, who needs an education anyway? - that it is all about the penis! So much so that guys don't seem to care how she feels because the penis is supposed to be enough for her too! If not then there must be something wrong with her, maybe she is frigid? (What a bunch of elephant sized dung hoppers!)
In addition, the same pressures put upon women shape a man's view of what is normal and expected of women. An important part of growing up for both men and women is gaining a more balanced understanding of these issues and the dynamics of interpersonal relationships. The reason I said more balanced is because they are pretty much left to figure this out for themselves and it is unlikely all these issues will be resolved by the time they enter into relationships with each other. Ah, education today! Ain't it grand? Alright, beyond the snark, there are areas our education system can be improved, this is definitely one of them. (And if you're not sure, I don't mean orgies in the classroom, which some politicians have claimed would be the result of sex ed. Relationships affect all aspects of our lives, and learning how to have better relationships certainly does not require hands on training in sex.)
Ladies, if you love your man, do not say negative things about his penis, not even as a light hearted joke. This is a really serious and sensitive issue and you can really hurt him regardless of your intent. He would not admit it, but could lead to long term or even lifelong mental hang ups.
Thanks for your response. I must have missed a message that you responded, so I apologize for not seeing this sooner.
At this point I am concerned this really is a hormonal issue. This would fit all the symptoms you have mentioned, from developmental issues to sexual desire. Maybe this isn't it at all, but I have to strongly urge you to get this checked out and soon. If this is causing developmental issues, you have a limited time to correct it and allow a return to normal growth. Development can continue into your 20's, especially brain growth, but it does slow down reducing your options.
Before going further, let emphasize I am not a doctor and I am in no way qualified to diagnose what is happening here. But I do know enough to be concerned. This may not have anything to do with your hormones. And even if it is related to some degree, it is perfectly normal for people to have a wide range of sexual interest. A lower sex drive does not mean it is abnormal in any way, and it could change at any time. Sex drive can be influenced by many factors including just being with the right person who brings out your desires. As you have indicated, you have a strong interest in women, so it would certainly appear you have a sex drive and experience arousal. So take what I am saying with the proverbial "grain of salt."
Having cautioned you again that I may be a quack, I do urge you to get this checked out soon. At the very least this will take a load off your mind and help you deal with the stress this is causing you. You do not need to reveal all of your concerns to your family and they should be able to understand and accept for your privacy concerns. Of course, your family may not fit this ideal. I urge you to find a way to get this checked and if necessary I would urge you to find a way to confide in at least one member of your family who could help you. If necessary, try to find a way to do this on your own.
You can even go to a clinic for sexually transmitted diseases. Now hear me out! I am not saying this is a STD, I don't believe it is at all. But a clinic for STD's typically provide much more privacy and are usually willing to see you without notifying your family. They should be able to understand your privacy concerns and help you get this resolved. The big problem with this is the possibility, although small, that it might get out and a rumor about you and a STI could get spread. I think this risk minimal, but that depends so much on the clinic. (Thank you Violet Cherry for this suggestion!)
Please think about this and make a decision, not rushed, but sooner than later, ok? If I can help you through this in any way, you have only to ask. We can try to game out a scenario where you discuss this with a family member if you think this will help. I don't know how good I would be on that, but I would give it my best shot. So please let me know, it would be my pleasure to help you in any way I can.