i dont want her to feel that pain while losing her virginity

Your gettin ahead of yourself first of all. When you consumate your marraige your wife may not feel a thing, and she may not even bleed. You make it sound like the pain is going to be excruciating and she is going to bleed like she got harpooned. She has to take the good with the bad and soon after her first few times she will be fine. There may be a pain, but it doesn't last long, there may be some blood, but it wouldn't be enough to freak her out. This is a natural occurance and should never derail the need for sex with you, her husband.

Is it you or her that is having a hard time starting your love life together?