I often question whether I really like sex or not. Any time I orgasm, through sex or masturbation, I just feel dirty, embarrassed, regretful and foolish. I sit there and think to myself "well, that was an awkward waste of time". Like, I just let my hormones take charge and get carried away. Why do I feel this way? I used to like sex when I was younger, but the past few years I just feel like I'm doing something wrong.
It's not like I'm a religious or conservative person, at all. I sometimes have very ambitious fantasies and go looking for people to have sex with on the internet, join sex sites, troll craig's list , make video's of myself masturbating or having sex, but at some point it always makes me feel dirty and ashamed and I delete everything. I even tried becoming a swinger with my fwb, but nothing ever came of it. Deep down I knew I could never do something that kinky. I'll watch a lot of different kinds of porn. I like to see normal people doing kinky things or just having sex or masturbating. I hate anything fake or with actors. I really like to watch people cum, but I hate cumming. Maybe if my first thought after ejaculating wasn't that I have to clean this gross stuff up it would help... But I just sit there with this gross stuff from my body in my hand, look at whatever porn I was watching and think "why do I do these disgusting things?". But, sooner or later I get turned on again.
Not that I'm always doing weird things like that. I get the same feeling from just being with my FWB.
So any idea why I seem to have this problem? Why I can't just enjoy sexuality like a normal person?
we are guys....its a healthy outlet