Lately, I've been having thoughts of killing people. Before, it had just been when someone had really angered me, then it would pass, but lately I've been daydreaming about killing people. I've been having thoughts of taking my family members and making them beg for mercy, and I'm really afraid of myself. I just don't feel anything. A few weeks ago my Aunt got injured. It was terrible she was screaming in pain. That wasn't the thing that scared me though. While she was screaming, I had this insane urge to LAUGH. I was enjoying her pain, and that scared me. Then, our cat died. Instead of being sad, I wanted to dissect it. I don't know why, but I just felt the need to cut it open, but then I realized that wasn't normal so I didn't. I've always thought of myself as a very sane and normal person, but I've been looking at stuff online and my feelings AREN'T normal like I expected them to be. I think it might be because my dad just walked out on us a few months ago and last month we got in a huge fight. He pretty much just called me a worthless b***h so my sister and I decided we had had enough. Then there's my sister who has tried to kill herself many times over the last 3 years. My mother has never really paid much attention to me, Devon was always the star of the show. I accepted that she loved my sister more than me a long time ago, but I think it might have effected me more than I thought. I don't have any real friends and I've never let anyone in. I've been trying to befriend one girl, but the more I tell her, the more weirded out she gets by me. I just want to be accepted, but at the same time I dislike being near people. I don't like to talk and I hate social gatherings. Maybe it's just because I'm 14, but I just want these feelings to stop. I just want to know if this is normal, I'm not asking for pity or anything. I just need to know if I actually need professional help or not, or if this is just a phase.
Uh...You need some professional help. You should be happy and want the best for people. Yes, being a teenager is difficult but it gets better with time. Teenagers act like they know everything. Believe me, I was once there 20 something odd years ago. Its not the answer. Put this negative energy aside, turn off the tv because most c**p is spewed from it and start reading books on health, spirituality, sports, something poistive. We have enough HATE. Hate stops with every person but only they have the power to do this. Belive me, You can do this. Don't give into th dark side. People laugh but there are two powers on this planet, one does not have your best interest and will jump at your weaknesses. Why, because I have been there. You just need to focus more on nature and find more intelligent people to talk to. Not everyone is your enemy.