OK, Ive made my decision, know exactly what to do now. but I feel so pushed to th side, so gutted.
My mum rang and is doing that controlling thing again. I think my (not that I can blaim my mum-as shes lovely) but her ways have a lot to do with why I reach for a drink in the first place. I mean, I say "no "to her, ,,,she does the pause pause pause, silent treatment and "well, Ill give you time to think about it" BUT, Ive just said"no" ...(whats there to think about )..Then gutted, total enormouse guilt reaches over me. So now, my partner speaks to me, but is just behaving strnge ( sorry thats ex) My sister isnt speaking to me, my children are demanding from me, yet lovely, and now i feel guilty for not even wanting to go to see my mum...I just cant deal with it...I cant go toher perfect little world. She lives inside a bubble, ( In my opinion) and i cant deal with it just now!!!
All my posts from another site i was talking on got deleted, made me fel like I should delete myself-thanks forum-mind you was band from posting 8-|
Okay, this will pass, and I will be enjoying my children this afternoon-but this is my point. If I go to my mums to start me offtowards a life of sobriety ( it WANT WORK!) aNY TIME iVE GONE TO MY MUMS, I COME BACK QUICK SOMEONE GET ME A DRINK!!! I dont really know why I am like that, but heres looking at the truth. i dont want my mum to know my problems, she isnt a drinker so unless youve been in my world , you wouldnt understand it.
Its like I feel guilty for not pleasing everyone, but usualy come last on the list to please myself. I mean, I lay on the sofa with my girls at 9am this morning feeling extremly guilty that they /we were all in our PJs, yet its the summer holidays and its my day off. Now I feel guilty after the phonecall, but I have to be able to say "no" in the beginning, so that I can start living a life that will eventually lead to compromises-does this make sense to anyone? Or am i just deep down there again-I dont think I can tell the diference. Okay Im going now.
My mum rang and is doing that controlling thing again. I think my (not that I can blaim my mum-as shes lovely) but her ways have a lot to do with why I reach for a drink in the first place. I mean, I say "no "to her, ,,,she does the pause pause pause, silent treatment and "well, Ill give you time to think about it" BUT, Ive just said"no" ...(whats there to think about )..Then gutted, total enormouse guilt reaches over me. So now, my partner speaks to me, but is just behaving strnge ( sorry thats ex) My sister isnt speaking to me, my children are demanding from me, yet lovely, and now i feel guilty for not even wanting to go to see my mum...I just cant deal with it...I cant go toher perfect little world. She lives inside a bubble, ( In my opinion) and i cant deal with it just now!!!
All my posts from another site i was talking on got deleted, made me fel like I should delete myself-thanks forum-mind you was band from posting 8-|
Okay, this will pass, and I will be enjoying my children this afternoon-but this is my point. If I go to my mums to start me offtowards a life of sobriety ( it WANT WORK!) aNY TIME iVE GONE TO MY MUMS, I COME BACK QUICK SOMEONE GET ME A DRINK!!! I dont really know why I am like that, but heres looking at the truth. i dont want my mum to know my problems, she isnt a drinker so unless youve been in my world , you wouldnt understand it.
Its like I feel guilty for not pleasing everyone, but usualy come last on the list to please myself. I mean, I lay on the sofa with my girls at 9am this morning feeling extremly guilty that they /we were all in our PJs, yet its the summer holidays and its my day off. Now I feel guilty after the phonecall, but I have to be able to say "no" in the beginning, so that I can start living a life that will eventually lead to compromises-does this make sense to anyone? Or am i just deep down there again-I dont think I can tell the diference. Okay Im going now.
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Hey daftydil,
i Just want to encourage you my dear . If you change a bit your life style it will help you a lot dealing with these things!!! Believe me im far more better than I was before.;;-)
Luv u xxx
Gil From Malta
i Just want to encourage you my dear . If you change a bit your life style it will help you a lot dealing with these things!!! Believe me im far more better than I was before.;;-)
Luv u xxx
Gil From Malta
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