I have been on suboxone films 4 1/2 months now, experienced the withdrawl from it for a few days due to running out to early, and never want to feel that again. I have been on a taper plan for nearly a month now, and as of tomorrow, will be down to half a strip a day for a week, then nothing. Opiates have been a part of my life now for 8 years, stopping them consistently for a year due to being pregnant, but somehow found a way to welcome them back into my life after that. They have been the reason why I have lost jobs,why I have stolen things from people, why I have lied about having various illnesses and injuries, why I have had unnecessary dental work done, tests and procedures as well. Why I have hurt my family, my husband and kids, the guilt I feel at times causes me to sometimes reflect on ending my life, I am a slave to Opiates, I feel as if I'll never be free. I have 5 kids, I have to work, and I am so scared of trying to do this and go through withdrawls. My husband knows of my past opiate problems but has no clue I went and got on subs. After all I have done and put him through, I have no doubt he will leave me if he realizes I am withdrawing from something. My life is a complete and utter disaster right now, I have never been so stressed out and anxious as I am now. I won't go into details, but I'm also looking at some possible jail time in the near future, over stupid things I did. And some of the things I have done just to be able to get the pills and things I need are completely horrifying. There is nothing left in me, I am a shell of a person I once was. The Opiates at first gave me comfort, a feeling of complete peace, when I first took them, it was like this feeling I had been looking for all my life.I had a bad child hood, which kind of affected me more then I realized, and also have a genetic predisposition to addiction as well. But what this boils down to is, I absolutely would do anything to not have to feel the horror that is withdrawl. I don't mind being uncomfortable or ill, but it goes beyond that with withdrawl. I'm literally scared for myself because I can not control myself when in that much misery. And I can not tell my husbsnd, so any advice on how to go through the sub withdrawl and play it off as some sort of virus or cold? From what I hear, the sub withdrawl last as long as a month?? No one has the flu or a cold for that long, so how do I function during this? I'm just some lost scared anonymous person in the world throwing this out there, as I have no one to tell or talk to it about in real life. This is a very sad, lonely disease I have come to realize.