Ive been seeing this girl for about a year on and off.Me and her have had a rocky relationship but always end up making up and getting close again.I really care about her.More then any other girl ive ever cared for.I havent had sex with anyone else in a long time and shes the only one i want to do this with and vice versa.The problem is that when we're getting into it everything is fine, we're doing great, im fully erect and ready to go.But when it comes time to have sex i just lose it.its like in the back of my head im telling myself this is really about to happen and i just get so nervous.I've had sex with a lot of girls before and a lot of them just out of nowhere and i've never had this problem.But this girl that i care about so much things are so different and it means something this time around.Am i having this problem because i really do care about this girl on another level? what can i do? this has happened twice.I know its just pressure but what can i do or tell myself to get over this? Help!
I just saw this post. I was researching this subject and noticed that it was dated yesterday. I am experiencing the same issue. I met this man 2 months ago. The attraction is there....the mental attraction is undeniably there. I have never felt this way about anyone before...and he feels the same. We literally spend any free time together. We have fun, we laugh, we talk.
So what is the issue? Sex...we have maybe done it fully about 3 times..it started with him loosing the erection, he told me he is intimidated...so I slowed down, became a little less aggressive. But with him loosing the erection the first 2 weeks, it made me feel unattractive, and I am a very attractive girl. Now I think we have done so much talking about why things are awkward and why we both are clearly experienced yet appears that we are in the 6th grade once we start. I do not know what to do on either end to help this situation progress in a positive way. He is worth the wait....I just need to know what to do now.
So what is the issue? Sex...we have maybe done it fully about 3 times..it started with him loosing the erection, he told me he is intimidated...so I slowed down, became a little less aggressive. But with him loosing the erection the first 2 weeks, it made me feel unattractive, and I am a very attractive girl. Now I think we have done so much talking about why things are awkward and why we both are clearly experienced yet appears that we are in the 6th grade once we start. I do not know what to do on either end to help this situation progress in a positive way. He is worth the wait....I just need to know what to do now.
Ugh.. I'm having the same exact problem. I've realized that it's all just psychological. I get nervous and think about whether or not I can keep it, due to worries about previous times, and I just lose it. It pisses me off because intercourse just feels so good, but I can't experience it! >:( Don't over-think things like I do. Also, involve your girl! If you both care about each other, she's going to want to help you out here. That's what I'm currently giving a try..
And to the second posting, the worse thing you could do is feel unattractive. Your guy is just worried about making you feel unattractive, so it just puts stress on him that you feel that way. Support him through it. Show him that you don't care about the sex, and just want to spend time with him ;].
And to the second posting, the worse thing you could do is feel unattractive. Your guy is just worried about making you feel unattractive, so it just puts stress on him that you feel that way. Support him through it. Show him that you don't care about the sex, and just want to spend time with him ;].
Oh yeah....if anyone wants to give me any advice, I'd gladly accept it =D. I'm just looking for a way to fix all of this.
Ugh, I guess it's good to know I'm not the only one. Sorry this is a little long, I tried to make it as concise as possible.
If anyone has any advice I'd greatly appreciate it.
I'm 19 and I have had a decent amount of sexual experiences for my age (over 20) and have had sex with 5 girls, all without any problems.
I have known one particular girl since 8th grade and I have always been attracted to her. We had an "unofficial" romantic relationship for a few months in 9th grade. We kissed and she gave me a hand-job once but we didn't do anything after that due to a variety of complications with other relationships. Anyway, we became really good non-romantic friends and started hanging out a lot, which we did right up until we went to different colleges. I consider her one of my best friends, definitely my best female friend.
Anyway, I just got back from college a few days ago and we had actually been planning on having sex. Last night we hung out for 8+ hours, went out to eat, watched movies and just generally had fun like always. At some point we started kissing and general foreplay and I was completely erect, but when we went out to her car to have sex (her parents were home), I just couldn't get an erection anymore, even though I want to have sex with her so badly. We ended up just sitting around naked in her car talking and laughing about it and other stuff and it actually wasn't that weird, just really personally confusing.
This morning she surprised me and came to my house and just got in bed with me, and after taking a nap (she didn't sleep last night) we started kissing and getting pretty intense. I was totally erect and ready, and we were about to have sex; I was feeling more confident than yesterday, I even told her I was ready to have sex, because I really was. However, by the time I put the condom on and went inside her briefly, I was already losing my erection again...it wasn't really that awkward afterwords because we are good friends and genuinely kind of laughed it off but I am unbelievably frustrated/confused about it.
I've never wanted to have sex with any girl so badly in my life and I seem to be completely unable to. UGH! Help??
Again, any advice is appreciated, it's really hard to see things from an outside perspective...
If anyone has any advice I'd greatly appreciate it.
I'm 19 and I have had a decent amount of sexual experiences for my age (over 20) and have had sex with 5 girls, all without any problems.
I have known one particular girl since 8th grade and I have always been attracted to her. We had an "unofficial" romantic relationship for a few months in 9th grade. We kissed and she gave me a hand-job once but we didn't do anything after that due to a variety of complications with other relationships. Anyway, we became really good non-romantic friends and started hanging out a lot, which we did right up until we went to different colleges. I consider her one of my best friends, definitely my best female friend.
Anyway, I just got back from college a few days ago and we had actually been planning on having sex. Last night we hung out for 8+ hours, went out to eat, watched movies and just generally had fun like always. At some point we started kissing and general foreplay and I was completely erect, but when we went out to her car to have sex (her parents were home), I just couldn't get an erection anymore, even though I want to have sex with her so badly. We ended up just sitting around naked in her car talking and laughing about it and other stuff and it actually wasn't that weird, just really personally confusing.
This morning she surprised me and came to my house and just got in bed with me, and after taking a nap (she didn't sleep last night) we started kissing and getting pretty intense. I was totally erect and ready, and we were about to have sex; I was feeling more confident than yesterday, I even told her I was ready to have sex, because I really was. However, by the time I put the condom on and went inside her briefly, I was already losing my erection again...it wasn't really that awkward afterwords because we are good friends and genuinely kind of laughed it off but I am unbelievably frustrated/confused about it.
I've never wanted to have sex with any girl so badly in my life and I seem to be completely unable to. UGH! Help??
Again, any advice is appreciated, it's really hard to see things from an outside perspective...
Hi everyone. I had that same issue some months ago. I have years of sexual experience, had great sex with a girl back in my country, but then I moved to Spain, and well, everyone back home was thinking I would be having sex almost everyday, due to the "hot Spanish girls" and all that. The fact is that I spent about 5 months without sex, and then I met a really wonderful girl and the first two or three times we tried to have sex this thing of losing my erection would happen. I spend a whole day self-analyzing me and I realized everything was because I accumulated so much pressure of having a debut here in Spain that I took sex like an examination. The problem is that the more I thought of it, the worst it got. Fortunately I finally solved this way: I spent hours thinking of something, something so important, so great that would fill my mind by just thinking of it. Something that, no matter how nervous, I would become instantly happy by just thinking about that. I am not telling what it is, but maybe that same solution works for you. When you are there, think about that, a hug from your grandfather who passed away, a smile from your mom, even something really sad may work, so long as it is effective at totally filling your mind and erasing every stupid overthinking you may be busy at at the moment.
Ive been having the same problem i can masterbate and be fine but when i get with her it doesnt either want to do anything or it gets a 1/4 of the way there and i get pissed and it goes away completely and even smaller than usual...my girl is gorgeous in everyway thought about taking extenze or viagra but its just odd that i cant get rock hard from masterbating...its def phsycological because we had sex for about 5 mins and i was sweating bad and my heart was pounding out of my chest
My boyfriend has the same problem. At first I did think "he doesn't get turned on by me", but when we mess around on the couch on our "movie nights" he's completely erect. I've given him a hand job and everything was fine, but when it comes down to us sneaking out and getting naked, it's like he shuts down. He gets so frustrated and I do too, but I don't let it show. I just tell him it's ok even though I'm kind of disappointed. We're each others first time so there is a lot of pressure for him I just want to know if there's anything I can advise for him
How have you guys dealt with this? Did it work itself out? Did you find something that helped?
Really could use someone giving an actual answer for this. Reading through this without an actual answer is just making me more and more nervous for having the same problem.
My girlfriend says its okay and normal and that she isnt in any way upset over it but seeing your posts about you secretly being frustrated is just making it all that worse.
I'd like to say that maybe viagra could help but dont you have to get that specially perscribed? Also that sounds way embarrassing.
If this is such a big issue then why isnt there more of a solution???
My husband and I have dated for 1 year, married for 2. The first 6 months of our relationship was hell. Everytime we would try to have sex, he would lose his erection. He's only had sex with one other girl and it was a one night stand. I've had sex with 2 people but I was with one of them for 2 years. I felt so ugly when he would loose his boner. I would always say" Is it me, am I ugly" I started to feel so ugly, and then I started to not want sex anymore because I knew it would happen everytime. Our relationship was tough, so much sexual tension it was rediculous. We just kept trying, eventually we worked through it and he hasn't had that problem in 2 1/2 years. It's all in youre mind, he was nervous about preforming because he felt like I was comparing him to other men. Women- be supportive of you're men, I was not. I was mean, hateful and I regret that.
I've had this problem once before but what helped was fingering her, just to listen to her moan gave me a boner easily
Dude, i don't think i can think about my grandmother's hug or my mothers smile while trying to have sex. I get the point tho, just sounded kind of funny :D
Omg, you know the "type in what you see", to check if you're human? in my comment section, it says "BIGGER" with capital letters. Ironic :P
Omg, you know the "type in what you see", to check if you're human? in my comment section, it says "BIGGER" with capital letters. Ironic :P
Really didn't expect there to be so many cases of the same thing. This happened to me for the first time last night. I'm 26 and have had sex with girls before and never had a problem, but I'm usually a little emotionally unavailable and they're just one night stands.
Recently I've been hanging out with this girl that I just adore in every way possible and I guess maybe the anxiety of disappointing her or being nervous got to me, I was hard the entire night we were on the couch fooling around or kissing, but then when the time came it was like a light switch turned off. I just lost it and I was so confused and obviously frustrated. Not sure what to do...hard not to stress over
Recently I've been hanging out with this girl that I just adore in every way possible and I guess maybe the anxiety of disappointing her or being nervous got to me, I was hard the entire night we were on the couch fooling around or kissing, but then when the time came it was like a light switch turned off. I just lost it and I was so confused and obviously frustrated. Not sure what to do...hard not to stress over
Ahhhh!!! This is happening to me to...... WHYYYYYYYYYY. Can't a man just have sex in peace.
I'm taking some drastic actions.... first of all, I'm getting rid of all porn. I'm not a chronic porn watcher... just every now and again but going to none now.
Secondly, I'm going to look into what I eat. Is there some food item that can cause this? Not sure.
Thirdly, natural supplements. I'm not ready yet to go full pharma on this problem as I think it's psychological and related to anxiety.
The anxiety of it all though is the strangest thing. It's not as I have ever experienced anxiety. All I know is that, just at the point of penetration, a feeling descends upon my mind and I can't get rid of it. At that point, it just goes full on flacid. Then there is no rescuing the situation. Game over.