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This past saturday I had my abortion, something that was both scary and sad to do. I am writing this post for all women out there who feel this is the right thing for them to do, but are receiving to much negativity from others. I will be the first to say that no I never wanted to have an abortion at first because I was a non believer in the idea; that was until it happened to me at the worst possible time. I am a 20 year old who found out I was a few weeks pregnant and being college student already heavily in debt, a tuition bill past due, books to buy, rent to pay, and a new job and car to look for; the position to have a child I clearly was not in. Many people told me consider adoption and I did, but no I could not bear to know that someone else was going to take care of my child and possibly harm it. Yes that was a selfish decision on my part, but my husband and I both agreed we could never have our child growing up and wandering why their mother and father gave them up. When I went in to have my abortion I was scared, nervous, and a little sad but the feeling of my husbands strong hand in mine I took the step out of the car and into the building. As I walked up I heard a protestor shout " Jesus will never forgive you for taking his child" and that shook me to the core yes, but I kept walking on with the guide of a volunteer and my husband because I knew that I would someday have to be judged for my sin. In the same instance I believe that God forgives us all for our sins as we are his children, and for me this was something I had come to terms with. As I stepped into the clinic room and got ready to have my procedure I took one last thought and said a prayer to God to forgive me for my sins and that one day I would be forgiven for the hard decision I had to make. The procedure itself was a little painful and I got sick, but the attentive staff and wonderful attitude of everyone made it easier to lie down and wait until I felt ok to leave. The other women in the clinic were nice and all talked about why they chose this option, which made me feel less alone and not the only one making a rational choice. I will admit I do have regret and I always will because in 8 months I could have had a beautiful child, but I know that it was what was the best choice in my life. Whenever I see a baby in a car seat or walk past the baby isle in the store or even pass a maternity shop I get sad and teary eyed because I know it was hard, but ultimately what was going to save my college career. Finally I want to say to women out there sometime we all want to listen to our hearts and do what it tells us, but if you are like me and know that a life of debt and working two jobs isn't the lifestyle for a baby then don't be ashamed to do what you feel is best. I have been told its terrible and that I'm thought less of as a person, but if you were me and in the situation I am in then you would understand a lot better. I'm definitely not trying to justify abortion in the slightest, but in retrospect am simply saying that sometimes we need to follow our heads and not our hearts in order to survive. I've already decided that the next time I get pregnant the thought will never enter my mind; that is because this decision was already hard enough and another like it would be unbearable. As you can already tell I do have mixed feelings about this subject and probably will for a very long time, but I felt that some out there should hear it from someone who went against all her beliefs to do what was best. My heart is still sore and sad from giving up my child and I'll always carry that scar forever. Life is hard and the decisions we make are sometimes unbearable, but with time and support from our loved ones we all can get through it.

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So Eloquently put! BIG hugs! You did what was right, because of the situation, not because of any other reason! So to me that is one of the most mature things a woman can do! So GOD bless - and he does - and I wish you a speedy recovery of body, heart and mind!
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Thank you very much :-) I am so thankful for your understanding it's wonderful to know there are caring individuals out there. God bless you
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