I have tried to be quiet and agree with him in his barrages of insults - it makes him angrier and he will get in my face even more and scream and since his anger builds with time even though I am just sitting there, it can take hours and he keeps coming back in to yell some more - usually by that point I just want to shoot myself or crawl in a dark hole somewhere. Luckily we have no kids so they dont have to deal with this too - I grew up with an even more abusive father, as did he and it is hell as a kid!
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I don't see why you would stay but you both need professional help. I do not subscribe one bit to what the person you replied to has to say. There is no reason to live with that.
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sounds like your husband has some form of ADHD and insecurities. My husband is insecure regardless of what I say. Prior to marriage he hide it along with alcoholism. He doesn't see my comments as helpful advice but criticism which isn't why or how I was saying them. Stated directly what I saw him doing, and stated to him what the abuse was. It was not received by him. I would have come better from a man. Definitely doesn't value himself via the love God has for us as human individuals. But takes every thing personal or uses it as an excuse.
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There are many books out there about abusive men and their ways and healings. Frankly my spouse is the same way. ASS. The point of his behavior is to put you down to feel superior or make you pay. He wants to hurt you. basically beating you for his shame. My husband gets off on treating me this way. Later he feels something else because the abuse isn't fixing the problem, me. Not realizing the problem is in his own heart. You are the target, scapegoat. mainly men like this don't see anything wrong in treating their property this way and have no interest in changing their behavior, no matter how much it upsets you/us. Only 1% change; only after average 411 sessions with an abusive man counselor. (specialized in this field as other type of counseling give the abusive man a license to be that way or worse.)
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I know what you mean about walking on eggshells. At times I don't want to ask him a question because he takes things out of context all the time. I swear, he throws temper tantrums if he can't get his way, he even throws a b***h about not being able to find sometime in the fridge. He wants everything handy all the time and if we argue he says that I don't love him?????
Is there a professional therapist out there that can explain why he acts like this? He also laughs at me when I hurt myself physically.
Thanks in advance for your help.
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I too had a husband like that. Entitlement, narcissism, and arrogance. When I tried to talk to him he would dismiss me. I finally knew that there was nothing I could do for him. But, there was plenty I could do for my two children and myself. I left him. At that time 25 years ago, there was no help from the government or authorities to help abused women and children...but I left anyways and went to live with my mother in an efficiency, Best decision of my life.
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Wise advice..wise woman. Words spoke in anger are the sounds of anger...nothing more. Just sounds. If actions are taken in anger then you must protect yourself and those in your care. If it is only words then it is wise to let the other person vent and move on. By not responding you have given the speaker time to reflect on their words...not yours.
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