Everything with my husband is now walk on eggshells, Crossing him has cause peoples bodies to be tore apart and he puts people in hospitals. Three years ago he came home from three other years of physical rehab. He came home, demanding the return of 31 years of what he felt was a stolen life. All because he would never accept the decisons of others over jobs, shifts, vacation times, holidays off. It was ever a denial to have time off it was trying to get him to take his as a one for one exchange when there were needs more important than his.
In 1987 he had done as asked when he returned home from the navy 2 years before. he did not press his sex wants after his return as hard as he could have after I told him he couldn't use the Seniority rights that had Accrued under his UAW contract while he was on a military leave, he was going to push a young girl with six months seniority to his 9 years off days to second shift his second day home, Seconds kills social lives, so I unformed my husband we could pick up starting our marriage in 2 years when the dust settled from his and 150 others returning from various services. It was to try and alleviate the chaos of this group from disrupting lives and plans.
Two years later I finally got my husband to stop asking me when I was either going to be a real wife and contribute something, and stop being a mercenary b****. DOING HIS FATHERS AND HIS FRIENDS BIDDING.I got him to arrange a large group trip to Rome as his first vacation and time off in 8 years. It was one of his union perks that got the trip for about half price. He was looking at the two weeks in Rome as the honey moon we never had due to the needs of the navy. A month before we were to leave his father came over after he left for work, told me the same girl that the first argument was over was wanting the vacation slot my husband had to Go to Rome with her fiancé to get married. We had to figure out a way to get my husband to stay and work doubles for the both of them.
I went hat in hand expecting the roof to blow off the house with my request, I said so much would be owed for just this one favor, He went into my room and stopped and pounded on the typewriter for thirty minutes. He even called our notary Neighbor over with her seal. He made me raise me hand and the other on the bible I took to church, I swore upon my return home from Rome with the repayment of the funds he had already paid. 9 I had to ask my mother and she gave me a gif to give him to go i was less than half my share. I would go any time, any where and any way he pleased and be a willing sex partner and travel companion. I was not expecting him to set the rest of the scheduals in his department back three weeks just because we had asked him to not go at that time.
He also indicated he was tired of us considering him a slave to our bidding, We got to the airport and his father told him to get his rear out of the drivers seat and get ourtr things to check in while we got our paperwork in order, He Screamed off leaving everything in the road with his finger out the window, the return was just as bad when we got back and we realized he was not going to take our suggestion. of waiting until after the Christmas shut down any three weeks he wanted until Valentines day, he could even combine it with his personal time. I could make up for the shutdown and him working through it by not removing the tree and acting like it was Christmas for him at that time. instead of him making lesser seniority work the shutdown producing an assembly bank.
I was told he knew I was not going to keep my promise. We had discussed this in Rome over several dinners and I felt he had a gun tom my head with that promise, I wanted him to just think of everyone other than just himself. But he handed me the savings, Gave me a bus ticket to my mothers, an embarrassing letter telling her he was returning me in the condition received not a wife. A filing for divorce he was making the following Monday. and he was not letting any one have any say, so much so his father had him put under a court order for the good of the community he had to accept all offered work hours That remained in effect until 2001, The same judge denied his petition for divorce 2 times, my husband actually broke his fathers ribs when he was presented that order getting them home and things just got worse until 2009. in 2001 he destroyed four men over a job bid after ruining the judge that put the order on him.
Then the next eight years we started getting hurt for using fire arms to intimidate him into working holidays and by the time of the tri year vacation in 2009 we had stolen his passport to keep it locked from him in a safe deposit box. We had stolen his boarding pass and his passport to get him to let a younger man go on The express that worked right next to him. We were thinking at the time he had worked the last 30 years without a break he should be able to do seven more months with out trouble. I was using 24 years of vacation funds he had planed to use but never did and force him to a vacation starting January the second ending on valentines day 2010. % weeks in St Croix, instead he threw me across a TSA office at the Airport begging him to calm down it was a different vacation other than what he wanted. He also had to be stopped from strangling his father to death retrieving his passport.
The St Croix vacation still has not happened he was retired January the second with 35 years service to the company. He was laying in a Rehab center with Vancamiasin plugged into his chest after MRSA invaded his spin causing his spinal cord to be crushed and partially severed. His return home in 2013 was bad, he was not in a wheel chair. He also came home with no intension to negotiate a sex life. No thought of accepting any compromise's. he was not going to allow us any time to try and work out a way to include him in traditions and other family times, over a time frame, A reset to 1985 and we could do it right this time, I was not expecting him home that evening and had accepted an invitation to an event with his mother father and his fathers best friend.
I had just completed getting ready to go to the invitation only dinner when I heard the patio door open and close. I went out to greet them thinking it was his father, and ran square into my husbands chest, He was staning there with this warlocks cane carved with a dragons head with titanium teeth. HE says good I was ready to go it had been since before our wedding in 1982 since he had seen an evening out.
He knew I was not dressed for him. I started crying telling him I had promised this event. I could not drop it now. He asked and just how many promises and copromises had he made in his life that broke, he listed off everything thart he had supplied for 31 years, Vacations, a roof over my head. My wardrobe and everything else in the house had been supplied by his blood, sweat, and many times pain. He said Just what had I returned, HE was yelling when he said I had returned nothing, no family of his own, just constant drivile about what he owed others, He said we blackmailed and forced him into letting us steal his llfe and he was taking it starting that evening, I was not going with his father and others. I had hundreds of prior promises I was going to keep to him first.
I was begging him at that point handing him 100 out of my purse, to just pick a place to meet in 4 hours where we could call everyone and get them there to try and find solutions that would satisfy all. He continued to yell at me he did not have to consider any one else especially me. He ripped every stich off me with me begging him things did not have to be this way. I could cancel the event just to try and talk things through. but I did not want our sex life to start that way. He did not care. HE forced the issue the next half hour, He hurt me. taking from me what he was not offered that evening.
Then he took everything out of every ones hands the last three years. In 2014 He would not allow me to go discuse 2015's cruise to try and find an alternative to his going, To Many had already found themselves on the wrong side of his fists and cane when they interfered. They forced him at pistol point on our porch to let me go to breakfast with them to talk over the problem without his input, He tried to kill the two men that held him at bay with pistols by laying their faces open to the bone with his cane in the middle of a dinner, he was threatening to impale his father with the same cane, He had recorded the whole morning and when the officers that took him down asked,. his father said we left him unharmed on his porch and if he had something to say then he should have kept it in the family, at home instead of doing this in public. I was given the choice, I could stay and not go home ever. or I could leave with him.
In the last three years not one time has my husband decided to be agreeable with the needs of others, Me, I just Cry a lot hoping he does not think I am interfering in his wants now, HE was even mean at his mothers memorial last june. His Sister arranged a private service for him after the main one but he showed up for the main one. A friend of the family put his hand on my husband chest telling him to come back latter or else, my husband said you don't have an army back there do you because if he did not step aside and get his hand off he was going in, The friends arm was broken in four spots. He looked like the incredable hulk slamming him around. His father recoiled in horror when he sat in the front row and my husband informed him, one word he was going in the grave before his mother.
I am just looking for a way to diffuse his anger about the way he was treated. To many are getting hurt over it. When all this started in 1985 I never imagined that somebody would resent no time off, the promise of sex if he stayed compliant. keep such track of every promise and slight committed and every thing he had supplied. over 33 years. I just don't want any one else to hurt when they try getting in his way.
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This is unacceptable. Isn't it? How much can I try to understand when it means I'm bullied and frightened? And the kids? He does yoga, running, mindfulness etc yet is still on a short fuse. I barely see him but we just row. I've tried all sorts of tactics to help us. He lied in counselling, how do you get over that?
So much more I could say but as much as I want marriage to work, his conduct / anger doesn't support it. I'm scared now and for the future.
For you, what do you feel if you imagine your wife is scared? Of you?
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What do you mean unable to be decent mother, friend, sister? I feel this way too...because of walking on eggshells with angry verbally abusive husband who has taken me off checking acct, didn't want me to work for all these 17 years, now is screaming for me to get my lazy ass a job. I take meds for epilepsy, and am getting older. Its hard to find good work at my age taking medication. I have no education, only high school. My teenage son hates his dad, he hates seeing me cry, he is depressed like me, it's very sad. I have no money to leave, am very codependent. I try to leave but can't, I freeze when I think about it seriously. I now lose my temper with my son who gets sassy to me because I am a nervous wreck, then I feel like a loser and go back and tell him how sorry I am. I have given up all friends, and am never there for my sister because husband is jealous if I go anywhere.
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my husband and I have been together almost 18 years also, he has been telling me for years, every time we fight, that he wants a divorce and tells me to get out....and I never tell him that, well I should say I did one time....but he has said it more than I could count....and I feel the same as you...stuck till our son reaches 18, he tells me his whole family hates me and his son from previous marriage hates me, calls me b***h, says f**k you b***h, and says he hates me and has for years...I tell him back that it's a shame cuz I love him and his family and have never hated them...Anything he can say to hurt me then he will say it. I'm sorry you suffer this way...It really hurts, I know.
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