My husband is always angry

I'm married to a wonderful childhood sweetheart for 27 years now and we have 5 beautiful children. It breaks my heart to read how men or I'd rather call them very old boys treat their wives, girlfriends and children. I have been with my wife dating plus marriage going on 30 years. I have yelled at her during our time together probably once when we argued about something silly. I have never even thought of fighting with her. Perhaps seeing my mother get physically abused by a boyfriend is a memory I wouldn't ever want my wife or my children to go through. I don't care what excuse a man has it's not good enough for physically, emotionally abusing a spouse or kids. My mother didn't tolerate it. She and my dad got into it in the late 60's and she shot him 5 times. Needless to say he moved out after that and our life moved on without him. Please note that I'm not suggesting that you get a gun and shoot him. But I hope you can find some way to slowly but surely get your boyish husband to grow up and be a man. I wish I could talk to each husband of the hurting spouse who posted here. I know a Pastor in a Church who said if any woman in the church had an abusive husband he and some of the other men in the church would pay the husband a visit and straighten him out. Every abusive husband needs a visit from a few good men to get his priorities straight. Again, there is no reason for a man to abuse his family. Alcohol, money, health issues are still no excuse. If you are an abusive man you need to get help. I wish I could give you my phone number so we could talk. Ladies you deserve better. If you need some tips there is a resource called "Save My Marriage Today" that might give you some ideas.

God bless and wishing you a maturing husband!

***edited by moderator*** web addresses not allowed

I empathise with the women in this post. I have been married for ten years this year. We don't have children
as I am afraid that children will be verbally abused and that is not that i want for my kids. We do have dogs
and it would kill him to lift a finger for them and he yells, screams and throws things at them. They would get
hurt if I didn't shield them from his fists. I am tired of the screaming, yelling, throwing things
and breaking them. Worse still they are always my things or things that I have given him. It is never his
camera, cars, bike or playstation. He had a perfectly wonderful childhood much better than mine both parents
are very calm and kind i don't where his temper comes from. I have asked him to get anger management but he
won't even consider it as it is not his fault because it is everybody else's fault. He complains constantly about
everything from co-workers salary to the garden is a mess and of course he shouldn't have to do it like everything
else around the house as that should be my job as well as having a more than full time work and study. I am very
close to leaving him as I don't need this anymore and because we don't have kids there is nothing holding me here.
At the end of the day it would him that would not cope as he could not blame me and he would actually have to
consider that it is him who has the problem.

I have been married for two years and I am 13 weeks pregnant. I feel as though I have made a real mess of my life. I question myself why i married a man who is always angry with me or life. The only person or people he never shows his anger to is his daughter nor his family. He is always on best behavior. He can not stand my mother because mother will call you out on things. He hates my father because my father is onto his behavior towards me. He have been both verbal and physical with me. To later make it out to be a big joke that he grab me up by the throat or called me certain names. He tells me how irresponsible I am to the point that my paycheck has to go to him each pay period. I feel as though I am always walking on thin ice with him. Just like today he woke up in a bad mood and I sleep later than he does. So I have to pretend to be asleep and listen to him rant and rave about how awful I am. There is no speaking to him about it just like today later in the day when I said how upset he was this morning about whatever he was upset about. His statement to me is I know and that is me. The other morning when he was doing the same thing. I got up and said very stern lets get something straight one i did not do what you think on purpose it was an accident two do not speak about me like that and cuss my name. He said shut the f**k up and do not talk to me and slam the door in may face. The other night he got so angry with my 70lb dog he threw him across the floor almost knocking me down the steps into our laundry room. His daughter brought her car over this afternoon and blocked the whole driveway where I could not get in the driveway where if she had just parked it the car a little different everyone could have gotten in the driveway when getting home from work. When I tried to talk to him about it bc I work search and rescue and have to be able to get my boat out the driveway and we have asked her before not to block the driveway and just leave the car. He got angry with me about speaking to him calmly about it. The problem is I have no key to the car to move the car if I need to move it out of my way. So I was offering some solutions and I even told him I am not upset but if I have to respond to a call I need to be able to go not waiting on a key to show up to move and also explain to my supervisor why I can not respond to the call. I am very close to the breaking point of wanting to leave but I am so scared now being pregnant. He told me one time that if I ever left him and we had kids that I would not get the kids. He was not going to live a life of separation from a child again. He smokes pot. Not that I did not know that before we got married but we both made an agreement before the marriage that we would cut way back on the drinking and he would no longer smoke pot. He made a promise to me. He drinks just about everyday at least a 6 pack and smokes I have no idea how much. I told him the other day I needed some maternity clothes and bras. His response to me is you get 100.00 allowance use that. When we set up out allowance for each month the agreement on that was it would be for fun money not necessities but his daughter has come home for spring break and we are spending money on all kinds of stuff for her needs. Not to mention the money he gets for all his hobbies. I have been going to counseling for about a 5 months but seem stuck. I always talk about leaving and never get the nerve to leave. I think my problem is I settled in my life. I am afraid to leave. I am embarrassed to leave. I know I have just vented a whole lot. I guess I just am so upset and sad.

Leave, leave, leave! I have been married for 12 years and reading your post is just like reading my life story. Constantly walking on egg shells, pretending to be asleep while he screams about the m***n that I am. Well now three kids later, it is so much more difficult to leave. He makes 3 times as much as me and will fight tooth and nail for the children. It is a fact that abusive men get custody of their children at a higher percentage than the male general population. the reason is because the are very perisistent and fight to the bitter end. Leave now, while you are pregnant, tons of single moms out there. It is so much eaiser to be able to keep your child if you are pregnant. Trust me! TRUST ME, it will only GET WORSE! Leave now while you are young and have the chance to find a real man, one that treats you the way you deserve.

I just wanted to say that i too am married with an angry husband, he can be very wonderfull, but i am always thinking when is he going to go back in being angry. when he tries to undestand me and shows me he loves me, he makes me very happy. but when he is angry he makes me very sad and all i want to do is make him understand that their is no reason why we should be miserable. by the way i have been married for 1 year and 6 months. and three weeks ago he kicked me out because he thought i was unfaithful. but then he realized that it was just him thinking bad stuff about me and know wants me back. he calls me all the time and when i am with him he treats better then before because he now values me, but he still gets angry and does not trust me. i love him very much and i want him to get better so he can be happy but i am not sure if it is going to still work out with me. i do not want to live like this any longer so i decided that if i ever did get back with him it was going to be because he really does make me happy and because he changed, it would have to be a very dramatic change that i think will not happen. what i would suggest all of you woman is please think about how you would like to be treated and take a good look if you ladies think they will ever treat you that way, if you do not see it working out start slowly by telling yourselves that you deserve to be happy because. i know you ladies want to be happy with your mans, and i do too. but i am tired of getting hurt. all i know is that i am tired of being sad, mad, and unhappy for no reason. and when he does make me happy a couple hours later he takes it away by acting stupid, thinking unreasonal sh*t, and being so negative toward everything. so please if you are tired like me look at the pattern you girls have with your husbands and if it is as bad as my relayionship let it go because at least in my husband i do not see him changing. oh and what i have noticed is that his behavior is only getting worse as time goes by, he respects nobody but his friends, not even my family members or his, he is rude, unthoughtful, inconsederite,ungrateful, direstpectful and i am tired of seeing my family get hurt as well. they are such good people that do not deserve it. okay this is all i got to say i hope my story helped and god belss all of you and your spouses.

My husband has been getting really angry over the smallest things, he generally blames me for his lack of sleep but he sits there and yells at me before bed on how i keep him up and make him loose sleep and I can't say anything to make it better.. I say I am sorry and he says no your not... I have tried going to bed early and letting him sleep but it seems every night he has something to argue about.. and if I say anything he takes it as something bad or against him.. or if I don't say anything he gets even mader,, really don't know what to do anymore... really can't take it anymore and it's getting worse.. cry almost every night and get lots of verbal abuse. wish we could just be a normal couple and be happy.

how healthy is your sex life? I am an angry dude. I haven't always been this way. I wake up in the mornings steaming, for no reason whatsoever.

The only time I wake up feeling like i can embrace the world is after good, meaningful sex.

I know this may not be the easiest solution, considering the damage an overly angry male can do to the relationships in which he takes part, but if you can conjure the love you feel and have a good romp, you'll both feel better.

I really hope this helps.

guys, I just want to get something straight. I DO NOT condone physical violence against women. I would never take part in such a terrible thing, and if that is what you're facing, a good sex sesh WILL NOT solve your problem. I just felt I had to say that. Don't stay in an abusive relationship. And make no mistake, if you're suffering physical violence from your man, it is abuse. LEAVE.

first i was sad, i thought... god it's me making him mad - but it's everything he overreacts to everthing. He get's on his high horse and treats me like a child. so i turned it back on him and picked at stuff that he picks at me on.... he argues everthing is my fault - i cant do this, he make's snide comments about me.. I dont want to lose my family - but I'm about ready to lose him.

He forces you to see his side.. but wont try to see your side - I dont want him to agree with me - but to consider my feelings on things.

His exwife and I were talking the other night and he use to do the same mean things to her. God, I dont know why he's so mean. It's all verbal -but it's dirty/mean verbal attacks - it's killing me.

I'm a shell. I can't lose my kids, we need eachother. If I lose him - I lose the kids because they are my stepkids. this is so hard. god i love them so much - I use to be in love with him too. But now all I feel is anger, depression.. and how do get my share of the house... we've been engaged for 5 years... we have 2 cars and a house.

I want the man who didnt hate everbody back. I loved him so much, I liked being with him. sorry i'm ramboling... I'm tired and so sad.

~FIA

i have been with my husband for 4yrs and married for 2 yrs we have one boy of 2 together also i have his daughter living with me and my 2 children from my ex for the last 7/8 months since he lost his job a week before xmas he lost his job and since then he has been extreamly angry shouting swearing bannging door dragging me around and horrible to the kids all the time i feel like my confidance has gone i used to be out going bubby but now i dont even reconise myself he wont look for a job or if he dose its im not work for that wage i have to cloth and feed everyone on my benefits and half the time i want no runn away but i cant because of the kids i hate my life and dont know why is like this ! when i look at him i no longer feel the love i had for him and feel im being used and i feel unloved i just want to be happy again !

I have been with my husband for over 3 years. I have 2 daughters from a previous relationship and we have a son together. He STAYS angry! Nothing seems to make him happy. Not sex, not a new car, not closing on our home. He only has a smile for our son. Hes mentally, verbally, and emotionally abusive. I cant take it anymore. I find myself wishing he'd die in a car accident. It seems thats the only way out. He swears he'll take my son if we ever broke up and he'll kill me if I try and take him. He yells and curses at me and calls me a sorry excuse for a woman if theres a glass on the counter! He calls me stupid in front of the kids. I dont deserve this. He supports me in nothing I do. I just want out

:'( That will definitely be hard personally I have allowed my husband to put me through hell I've tolerated all types of abuse but I love him, I have tried to make myself strong and leave but he always says sorry and I always come back.

Hi ladies and the few guys who dared joining the discussion.
I feel just like everybody else, and I guess somehow it helps to note that you're not alone. My biggest problem is that I'm too scared to leave my husband, though I know that this is the only way to end the bitter fighting. My husband went to bed last night telling me (while I was pretended to be sleeping) that we were just together for our child, I agreed and slept on. This morning he completely went off before even saying good morning to our child and as mentioned earlier I was as usually the one blamed, blamed for being a controller, blamed for holding him prisoner (for asking him to eat breakfast or dinner with us). I am so tired, I cannot do my job and I simply do not know what to do. The only time we are not fighting is when we are not talking, being quiet together somehow usually works. He blames me for him always arguing with his mom, and every time he talks with his mom it gets worse. I cry and I cry in front of our child and what is a young child supposed to do. This morning she just told me to think about something else. She loves her dad and would hate to see us separate, I just don't know what to do anymore. He never hits me, but the verbal hitting is just as bad. I wish I could just sit quiet and not yell back at him, because that works much better, but I get so upset inside that I can't hold my anger back. So I am also starting to be angry and bitter, and that is hard to accept, since I always was a happy person. Now, I know a fight takes two people, but I just feel that no matter what I say it starts a fight.
The sad one

OMG! Reading your post takes the words right out of my mouth. My husband is just the same. Having dated for 12 years before marriage i sometimes feel i should have seen all this coming. He has always had picky tendencies but i was young and maybe naive thinking it WAS actually me. I have realized that its actually him! i get blamed for everything. He blames me for the condom shortage in the house when he is the one that makes the purchases, he blames me and shouts at me when he takes a wrong turn although he is the one behind the wheel. I get lashed at(verbally) on the kids lack of discipline. Everything is my fault. everything i say.. dont say... do .. dont do.. I am so afraid i will end up like my mother who suffers depression and at the same time i am afraid my kids will end up with the same fate as him if i leave him . He comes from a broken family. He is so angry all the time and i have to walk on egg shell everyday. how long more do i need to put up with this? As every wife and mother i try to be strrong and keep the family together and just keep taking in all the sh*t he has to offer but its really getting harder and harder. And i dont knw how all this is effecting or will effect my kids in the long run. Leaving him will cause 1 batch of problems but living together will cause another. i could just go on and on about how unhappy i am in this marriage but i took a vow on the alter for better or for worst so i plan to stick to it. unless he becomes a threat to me and my children i will do everything in all my might to protect them and myself. GOD has become my shoulder to cry on. sometimes i sit in the room and just imagine He is there holding me in His big loving arms in silence while i cry. When will we be allowed to just be human again.

you cant actually talk to these kinda of ppl. they see no wrong in themselves. its all just a cure for the moment only. the root cuase lies in the person himself. they will make it seem like they want to change and are sorry but in actual fact they love the fact of control through anger. NARCISSIST...