At the beginning of this year, around late January, early February, I started smoking weed for the first time. I really loved it, and continued to smoke on and off for 8 months ( I had long intervals in between). Then I completely stopped for about 2 months. The last time I smoked before the 2 month period was around late May, and it was one of the most beautiful, euphoric, happy highs I've ever had. In early August I picked back up again, but this time, it was completely different. I was in my house and I smoked maybe half a g. Everything was going fine, until suddenly I blacked out and found myself in another room with no clue how I got there. It was terrifying and that's when my body went into full panic mode. My heart started racing, my mouth was completely dry, I started trembling. I had no sense of time, and my thoughts kept repeating, and I would walk around my house and then forget what I was doing and how I got there. Finally I was able to call my friend who had ate some bad pot brownies and had the same experience a few months before. She told me to just lay down, relax, and drink lots of water. I stayed on the phone with her for a while to distract myself and get some positive vibes. When we got off the phone, I was able to fall asleep fine, and the next morning I was feeling a whole lot better. I later found out that the weed I had bought from this new dealer was bad. Then last Friday, I was feeling like I could start again. I was a little hesitant though because in the back of my mind, I was worried it might happen again. Nevertheless, I bought some more from a dealer I trust (this was the one that gave me the weed that I had a really great high on back in May). The weed that he gave me looked like it was good weed, and I'm pretty sure it was. Anyway on Friday night I smoked just a pinch at my house again to try it out. I wasn't feeling much, but what I did feel felt pretty good. So 2 hours later, around midnight, I had a bit more. I was feeling okay, but I kept worrying that I might have a bad high again. And once I started thinking that, my subconscious mind took over and made my high even worse. The same thing that happened in the last bad high was happening again except for the loss of time and memory. The cottonmouth was a lot worse though and my muscles started to shake uncontrollably like when you're cold. I didn't talk to anyone this time, and I kept drinking lots of water, which also made me feel like I was going to throw up from drinking so much. And I couldn't lay down and relax because if I stayed still, bad thoughts would start running through my mind and freak me out even more. So I kept myself busy and tried to focus on the tv or music. It didn't help much and the "comedown" phase didn't seem to end. I was constantly worrying if it was going to last forever because it had been 4 hours and I still was feeling paranoid. I couldn't fall asleep until 6 am! I woke up at 10:30, getting only 4 and a half hours of sleep. I felt a little better after waking up, but still felt like I was in a dream. And ever since then, I have been having continuing mental problems. Like a mix of bipolar disorder, anxiety, depression, and depersonalization disorder symptoms. The things I've been feeling are:
nothing is real
detached from the world
time is moving too fast
like i'm in a dream
happiness feels fake and temporary
like i'm not myself
I've been wanting to see a doctor or therapist and get evaluated and get some treatment because this is the scariest feeling in the world. I feel like I can't feel any emotion and I'm slowly going insane and losing myself.