Hello everyone!
Ok , personal issue. I have been with a guy for 2 years now. Im 26 and Im still a virgin. It was my choice, Ive been with great guys who respected my beliefs and I never regreted it or felt pressured which is cool. But now Im happy to move on, (about time ;-)) and have been wanting to have sex for a while except....after many MANY attempts...its still very painful for me. I love my man and he has been so gentle and patient, i don't know what the problem is. Some of my friends are just not understanding how painful it is every time we try! I hear its painful, but in my case its as bad as a stab wound!... We tried everything, even lubricants its just really painful. He has inserted one finger and that itself is painful (not uncomfortable but painful! (sorry for the details..) I know it was a bit tough for me to insert tampons...but thats because i thought i was a virgin. Now Im really feeling like a freak..I just want to be a normal woman! It may be my hymen..I think the wise thing to do is to see a doctor, but I really don't want to go through surgical intervention. I just wanted to see if anyone has experienced this...if its normal...or if I should just be patient and give it more time.. and if I can avoid the trip the doctor's.
Thanks!
Ok , personal issue. I have been with a guy for 2 years now. Im 26 and Im still a virgin. It was my choice, Ive been with great guys who respected my beliefs and I never regreted it or felt pressured which is cool. But now Im happy to move on, (about time ;-)) and have been wanting to have sex for a while except....after many MANY attempts...its still very painful for me. I love my man and he has been so gentle and patient, i don't know what the problem is. Some of my friends are just not understanding how painful it is every time we try! I hear its painful, but in my case its as bad as a stab wound!... We tried everything, even lubricants its just really painful. He has inserted one finger and that itself is painful (not uncomfortable but painful! (sorry for the details..) I know it was a bit tough for me to insert tampons...but thats because i thought i was a virgin. Now Im really feeling like a freak..I just want to be a normal woman! It may be my hymen..I think the wise thing to do is to see a doctor, but I really don't want to go through surgical intervention. I just wanted to see if anyone has experienced this...if its normal...or if I should just be patient and give it more time.. and if I can avoid the trip the doctor's.
Thanks!
Licensed Dietitian
588 posts
It may not be due to your hymen. There are women who cannot have sex because of the similar pain. The cause is often not known and few doctors deal with such conditions because they just don't know what to address.
The term for painful intercourse is dyspareunia, and unless you have some other issues regarding losing virginity, you may want to talk to a gynecologist about your problem.
The term for painful intercourse is dyspareunia, and unless you have some other issues regarding losing virginity, you may want to talk to a gynecologist about your problem.
hi. it is painful and stressful because I was in the same situation. broken hymen and losing virginity can hurt so much that you can't do anything about it. this problem that Heidi Miller described is something that I also have heard a couple of months ago when I was attempting to lose my virginity with my bf. my gynecologist told me about this because I was way too scared with the fact that something is wrong with me. when it comes to this problem, you would not believe how this is common, a lot of girls do have this problem but this is something that only your doctor can help you to deal with. gl.
I also have the same problem, I thought it was just me. I am a virgin and my boyfriend and I have tried many, many times to have sex but it is so unbearably painful for me. I am very frustrated and do not know what to do. I really just want it over with already! I was wondering if you have had any luck finding a solution to the pain or if you ended up speaking with a doctor regarding this problem. Any information at all would be very helpful and greatly appreciated. Thank you!
It isn't normal, but it is common. Many women have difficulty accepting vaginal penetration and it is nothing to be ashamed of. It is a very good idea to talk to a doctor. Painful intercourse is often a sign of a medical problem. You shouldn't be afraid to go to a doctor, once you know exactly why this is happening you'll have some idea of how you can deal with it.
Until you can see a gynecologist about this, you can try other forms of sex, including non-penetrative vulva stimulation (petting and cunnilingus), fellatio, and anal penetration. Anal intercourse, done safely and correctly, can be just as satisfying as vaginal intercourse.
You might also want to try masturbating and attempting to penetrate yourself while you are alone. If you are able to use tampons without pain but can't accept a finger, then you may be unintentionally tensing your Pubococcygeus muscles when you are with your boyfriend.
It probably isn't your hymen. If you've been using tampons chances are you're hymen has already been torn.
Until you can see a gynecologist about this, you can try other forms of sex, including non-penetrative vulva stimulation (petting and cunnilingus), fellatio, and anal penetration. Anal intercourse, done safely and correctly, can be just as satisfying as vaginal intercourse.
You might also want to try masturbating and attempting to penetrate yourself while you are alone. If you are able to use tampons without pain but can't accept a finger, then you may be unintentionally tensing your Pubococcygeus muscles when you are with your boyfriend.
It probably isn't your hymen. If you've been using tampons chances are you're hymen has already been torn.
I think i might have some hope for you.
From reading your description, i am sure i also faced the same problem for a while. I was with a guy for 2 years who i loved so much and wanted to lose it to, but it would not happen..it hurt WAY too much. we stopped trying because he didn't want to hurt me but after our relationship ended the next year i met a really awesome guy and became involved with him and after a few months i realized i really wanted to have sex with him and i had many painful attempts. Ive never used tampons because that always hurt me and id get beyond frustrated trying to put them in so i gave up. Fingering also hurt me, it did not feel good and i saw no hope for me. I'm telling you there is a very good chance that everything is normal and you can have sex. I was going to see a doctor to make sure everything is okay because ive heard of the surgery to break the hymen( some girls jsut have extremely thick hymens that need help to be broken in order to have sex), but before i saw the doctor i was able to have sex. I think that once you get to the pooint where you have had many painful attempts every time you try you tense up emotionally , i really think it affects it a lot. I tried to relax myself and my guy was extremely patient in trying to get me to relax my whole body and focus on how happy i'll be. The initial getting in is going to hurt regardless the first time, and trust me , i understand, it hurt like HELL getting his penis in but after it was in it even felt good. If you use a lot of lube, relaxxxxxxxxxxxxx, and engage in a lot of foreplay i think you can do it. Because i had the same problem as you..i thought id never have sex. I think a lot of the blockage is in your mind since u are so frustrated now. it will hurt a lot at first but after you push through it, you'll be so glad!
From reading your description, i am sure i also faced the same problem for a while. I was with a guy for 2 years who i loved so much and wanted to lose it to, but it would not happen..it hurt WAY too much. we stopped trying because he didn't want to hurt me but after our relationship ended the next year i met a really awesome guy and became involved with him and after a few months i realized i really wanted to have sex with him and i had many painful attempts. Ive never used tampons because that always hurt me and id get beyond frustrated trying to put them in so i gave up. Fingering also hurt me, it did not feel good and i saw no hope for me. I'm telling you there is a very good chance that everything is normal and you can have sex. I was going to see a doctor to make sure everything is okay because ive heard of the surgery to break the hymen( some girls jsut have extremely thick hymens that need help to be broken in order to have sex), but before i saw the doctor i was able to have sex. I think that once you get to the pooint where you have had many painful attempts every time you try you tense up emotionally , i really think it affects it a lot. I tried to relax myself and my guy was extremely patient in trying to get me to relax my whole body and focus on how happy i'll be. The initial getting in is going to hurt regardless the first time, and trust me , i understand, it hurt like HELL getting his penis in but after it was in it even felt good. If you use a lot of lube, relaxxxxxxxxxxxxx, and engage in a lot of foreplay i think you can do it. Because i had the same problem as you..i thought id never have sex. I think a lot of the blockage is in your mind since u are so frustrated now. it will hurt a lot at first but after you push through it, you'll be so glad!
that was indeed a wonderful narration... from my experience i would say that you are 100% correct, and i agree with the fact that most of the women facing this kind of issues undergo such problems.... I hope they get over it and enjoy their sexual life... Thanks!!