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Thank you for taking the time to read this post. Last week (oct 13th) my boyfriend and I had unprotected sex for all of 10 seconds. He did not ejaculate. He had ejaculated two days prior, but urinated many times. I took the morning after pill on oct 14 just to be sure. We ddid the same thing about a week before this (between the 1st and the 6th, I dont remember). Before this time he had not ejaculated for over 2 weeks. I know the morning after pill wouldv'e only worked for the second time, not the first. Today is the Oct. 20. I went to a teen clinic and took a pregnancy test which came out negative. The girl there said it may not be completely accurate because I dont have the clearest idea of when my period is due (I imagine within the week, I know I am not overdue). I'm 17 years old. I have decided to not continue having sex, because me and my partner dont need it, and I never want to have to go through this again. What are your thoughts?


To all intents and purposes, right now, and legally, within a few months (when you're 18) you'll have every right to live as you choose, provided loosely speaking you don't seek to harm another. There are many people out there who are celibate for many different reasons, and it is a legitimate lifestyle choice, though the only people who are really obliged to be celibate by their vows are priests (and look how well they're doing) and nuns.

To be celibate out of fear of pregnancy is not really a lifestyle choice, it's an afraid-of-life choice, and it is depriving you, potentially, of one of the most rewarding physical, emotional, and spiritual unions possible (the 'loss' of consciousness as it seems at orgasm, is indeed a peak experience - you don't need to be spiritual or new age to realise it's special).

You do not need to have sex, as you've noted: if you have a partner who is as equally indifferent to sex, that is your mutual choice (never mind the fact that if you are both US citizens (I'm UK) then either you're almost certainly both minors, and technically breaking the law, or if he's over 18, he's risking a jail term anyway).

If you chose to drive, you could run down a child and kill them: that's a simple fact of life. Does it stop us driving? No. We appreciate the risk, drive responsibly, and billions of miles are driven every year, and in all those millions of driving hours, and drivers, only a few have the heart rending experience of causing death by driving, while not under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

If you want to avoid fear in life, or responsibility in life, that, to say the least is going to be very difficult.

One of the most appropriate attitudes to responsibility is to understand the consequences, understand the options, and behave appropriately: nature designed you to be able emotionally and physically to bear and raise a child. You can do it.

Society has provided the pill, condom, morning after pill, and termination, so that it would pretty much require an act of God AND an armed militia to make you have a child against you will, which society simply will not do.

Give up sex? Its your call. Righ now, you're not supposed to be having it anyway.

You're clearly a sophisticated and intelligent young woman, to judge from your writing, so give yourself some credit for being able to deal with life.

What should you choose? Not my call. It's your life.

Millions of people (billions) love the opportunity of sex, and miss it when they can't have it.

That doesn't mean that's you, or you need to.

You can defer now, and revisit the issue later - whatever you do, it isn't wrong, it's just your choice.