I am 66 years young. I don't look my age.so everyone says. I have lost 4 children and 1 was still born, then I had my daughter, a son, then another son.I lost my youngest son 24,, in a horrible accident. on Jan 6th 1997, six years and one month to the day, Feb. 6th I lost my oldest son,33, from a massive heart attack.6 years later my younger sister died in 09, On dec 27th 2011 I lost my daughter, she was 44. I feel my heart is just to broken to love anyone. although I have 11 grand children and 8 greatgrand children, who  are so dear to me. And I do love each with all my heat. Last March, I got married to a really great guy so it seemed. He was a drinking man and had been all his life.I told him, I wouldn't marry him, unless he stopped. After spending weekends in jail and counseling ,which the court demanded, he seemed to be getting used to his life with nothing to drink.He had an accident, which finally make him see, he could have killed himself or someone else He had moods swings which he was taking meds for.Everytime I would have to leave for overnight,or went out of town, I would come home and he would be gone.He kept his apartment, although he said he would not ever let me keep one. Each time he leaves, I cry and beg him to come back. and  he does. Just last week he said he was happier when he was at his apt. where he lived for 14 years.He will be filing for a divorce in a few days I even feel better alone than with him here.He had a really bad childhood,and I had a great one. He was an only child and had sexual problems with his parents and uncle. He was married for 18 years, said he never loved her, and ran around on her the whole time they were married. I have been very emontional and cry often. I still miss my daughter very much and she was my best friend. He thinks I should just forget about my kids. He has 2 children he has no connection with. I'm not sure if I'm the one with the problem or if its him. we have been seeing a counselor, but he thinks it's a waste of time . So I fianlly decieded to let go. He's from California and I'm a Texan. Two totally different worlds. I have even wondered if I deserve to live. But after everthing I've been thru, I think God has a reason for all this. Or is this just bad karma...?