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Okay, so I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months now and I have known him for years. I didnt know until we started dating that he had schizophrenia. He told me how he hears multiple voices in his head and they are all talking to him constantly. I told him that I dont hear voices in my head and that most people dont and he acted like I was crazy and kept saying really?, over and over and then tried to act like I was joking by saying that I didnt hear voices in my head. He said that there is one main voice that he hears and that it is mean and says constant negative things. I did not know much about the disease and did not realize that there were going to be things that he thought he saw that never really happend. Since we have been together he said that he has seen me looking at men while we were out and that I was disrespecting him and that if I wanted another man to go and be with another man and not lead him on. I argued with him and told him over and over that I wasnt looking at any men (I wasnt!) and then finally he told me that since I could not just be honest with him and tell him the truth that he was going to leave me, I gave in and finally said I was sorry for looking at other men, even though I really hadnt. I love him and didnt want to lose him. I have been accused of cheating on him, and looking at men over and over. I do not look at any men and try to tell him this but I realize now after reading all the information that he actually does think he is seeing me look at other men. I do not know what to do. He works a job where he goes out of town A LOT. Every time that he goes out of town he starts on how he cant be with me anymore and knows that I am cheating on him. Then when we are together again when he comes back into town everything is fine. He tells me how much I mean to him and how much he loves me. He is out of town now and has gone on a complete rant telling me that he can not be with me anymore because of how I looked at other men in the past and disrespected him, he said that he can not be with a woman who would treat him that way or hurt him like that. Keep in mind that he has not been accusing me of looking at men in months, after I said that I had "admitted" to looking at men months ago I promised him that I wouldnt look at them anymore and would show him how much I love him everyday. Since then we have spent the holidays together and talked about living together and how we have fallen in love with one another. I do not know what to do, he said that he realized I will always be a liar and that I should have never started our relationship off the way I did. He does not take any medication but we have had conversations where he tells me the things the people in his head are saying, mostly about me, how I am a lying, cheating, no good woman, while another voice tells that one that he knows I am a good woman and I do love him. I do not know what to do, he told me about a week ago he wanted to marry me and was in love with me and now this week he can not talk to me anymore, do not call him or he will get a restraining order against me, yet he will call me and text me, asking me where I am, what I'm doing, then he tells me to leave him alone and never call him again. I know that he is not going to get any help, he is not going to take any medication we have had that conversation. He was diagnosed by an actual doctor with schizophrenia years ago. I know that he trusts me he tells me all kinds of things that he has never told anyone. I am so hurt and scared to lose him. No matter what I say he tells me that I am doing things that I am not. Please help, I dont want to lose him but I do not know what to say to him anymore! I am emotionally exhausted by all the hurtful things he has been saying all week. 

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Honey, run for the door and shut it behind you. I can tell you from personal experience that things will never change. I dated a man with OCD/manic depressive disorder with hints of schizophrenia for over two years. Everytime we were together he would interigate me on what I had been doing since he last saw me and blame me for his problems in life even from before I knew him, all the while accussing me of cheating and trying to steal his identity.He would lume over me and scream and shake his fists. I thought I was so in love and would cry and beg him to forgive me for something I never did. He even punched a window as I walked by to catch me from leaving and cut my face up. I paid for the new window. This went on for years. There was times when he was wonderful and beg me to stay that he would get help. BUT he never did

 Later, I found out he was the one cheating on me for months and months and I took him back. The end only came when he stole my Bronco  one night after I had went to bed. He went to the bar and got pulled over on his way home and got several years in prison since it wasnt his first DUI. I continued to go see him for a few months since it was my fault he was there (or so he led me to believe). Only when I stopped going to see him (he got moved too far away) did I realize the true control he had over me and how much life I had lost and how he had destroied my self esteem and self worth.

I am still working through some of the issues several years later.

 

Good Luck

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I agree with goldylocks, I think you need to leave this relationship. You say that you love him, and therefore I understand if it's difficult. However, he is emotionally abusing you.

You said so yourself that you're exhausted. I have been in an abusive relationship and I was constantly exhausted from my ordeals with him. Now I am happily married and I am never exhausted from my ordeals with my husband. Love should feed you, not deplete you.

Give him an ultimatum. Either he starts taking medication and shows signs of it (the voices stop, the accusations stop), etc. or you're gone. Now that's only if you want to seriously consider staying in the relationship. Frankly, I would say enough is enough and you deserve better.

Breaking up is always painful. Allow yourself the time to grieve. Most people are terrified of the pain and the grief involved, but more time can often be spent avoiding it than going through it. So don't be afraid of it any longer. Let it happen. You'll get through it. If you can get through years of emotional abuse, you can get through the grief of a lost relationship.

As someone who has been in an abusive relationship, I firmly believe that it's from some deeper belief we have within that would be better off if we didn't have anymore. My belief was that I deserved to be treated poorly because I wasn't a good enough person. It wasn't true.

Ask yourself how you feel about yourself and then change that perception. Remember, it's only a perception. The TRUTH is that you're irreplaceable, gifted, loved, and that you deserve love and all the great things life has to offer.

Say to yourself HUNDREDS of times a day: I LOVE AND APPROVE OF MYSELF. Say it in front of the mirror, out loud, in your head. DO IT. If it feels uncomfortable, it's probably because you don't believe it. You'll eventually believe it. And when you do believe it, you'll only invite relationships in which you feel supported and healthy.

Best of luck. If you need any other help, feel free to private message me.
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 just reas your story and thought i was reliving my life i goes throught this all the time, he accuses me of  lying to him and cheating with everyone i come into contact with. i dont cheat on him,  i love him dearly and i dont want to lose him but the relationship is really taking a toll on me. im staying in a motel right because he tried choking me last week, he called the police on me saying i attacked him, the police took him to jail for choking me. i wish there was someone i could talk to to help me help him. please someone help us women who is in relationships like this.   thank-you  teresa

 

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Dont RUN real people who are determined to help someone you truly care about will be there thru thick and thin and it will not always be easy and there will be more bad days then good but it only takes someone who can fill those shoes and be in it for the LONG HAUL that can make a difference. I sware I thought you were my sons girlfriend because every single thing you just said you went thru she has too, the voices, accusations-endless and mood swings.and he (my son) rarely sleeps we just learned that his Zoloft may have triggered his situation he is a solider who started with PTSD then it went into Schizophrenia and severly! Be there to help him by talking to him about positive things, future things you would like to do together,NEVER tell him that you dont believe that he hears things because then you become the enemy plotting against him the Doctors told us to redirect him in the conversation. Hes not able to be around groups of people without thinking they are out to get him or his girlfriend is trying to hook up wit them. This young girl is a GOD SEND she should of run after all the things he put her thru and yet she didnt she stood by him, held his hand when he shook,hugged him when he cried and wanted to kill himself get him into some/any type of counseling go with him show him you are there for him. god bless you for you love for him we cant all just run away when things get to hard think about how scared he feels. Would you want to be alone if it was happening to you? I wouldnt.

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Thank you for your reaching out.  This has validated my own experience so much.  Just today, I am reeling from the latest mood change (walking, constant walking in preparation for homelessness)... and the emotional abuse and just sucking the energy.  I very much understand loving someone and just giving up after the fifth outrageous thing they have accused you of over and over and using as an excuse to act out (for me, it was that i was a man, that I had raped him, that i cheated on him, that I lied to him)...  and obviously, of course you have to have compassion on someone whose childhood was such hell, but when it comes to the voices - it just sounds like hell, but of course - to him - that's what he's familiar with, so it's scary to be empty or something....  I constantly myself say that I just want to have open communication and love and feel safe.  It feels like every day is a different character.  And he has only flirted with mental health facilities and only in times of nothing else to try.

Can these wounded men be healed and can we love ourselves too much to allow chaotic pain?  I too am at the 'medication or no relationship' point and this comes from someone who would very rarely advocate medicine.  But how can you defend against days of rants and mistrusts and the minute they feel better, they get urges to cheat on you and spend all their money....

 

sigh

healing and understanding and communication and evolution...

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Hold strong there are alot of support groups like this one if you can just help him get thru this difficult time it will be worth it in the long run only the strong ones stand when it gets tough and the others...well they just run. Can you imagine how confused and scared he must be when he doesnt realize what he's doing until you bring it to his attention then he may get defensive because he's embarrased. Is he on medication that may help him with this? That is one thing that may be an option for him. If you truly love him don't give up on him but don't put yourself in danger either you sound like a wonderful person and you just may be the one that turnes things around for him. God Bless you
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First, I just want to say I admire the courage anyone who is/was involved with  someone with a mental illness. It can be extremely draining at times, but your strength to hang on and stay focus is commendable. Well done!

Second, I have to agree with the previous comments about how the relationship will not get any better. It won't. Mainly because one of the most important factors for improving an unhealthy relationship will always be missing: the other person has to admit they are the cause of the problems. There is only so much understand you can show someone with a mental illness before they begin to realize the more you try to understand them, the more they will resent you for trying. Not only that, you have to make sure you do not go insane during the process of trying to understand them, for if both of you are mentally unfit, what good will either one of you be for each other? None. 

Third, the problem with deciding whether or not to break up with a mentally ill individual is that you never know how they will take it. If they already have a belief that you are out to get them, breaking up with them might set them off. They could attack you in the most fatal of ways. Because you have already accepted them into your life, trying to rid them out of it might not go as well as you think it will since you are a source of validation for them. Each time they hurt you and you forgive them, it is like saying what they did to you was okay, and so they do it again and again, because they know they can cross the boundaries you have set without any future consequences. In all honesty, the longer you hold onto this relationship, the more "crippled" the mentally ill person becomes. Try thinking about reducing the level of importance they have in your life, such as a friendship or an acquaintance. From my experience, abruptly cutting the person off never really works; all they will do is figure out the 'right" thing to say, your natural reaction to forgive them will kick in when you hear their sob story, and then starts the cycle of abuse all over again. Also, by reducing the level of importance they have in your life will give you a chance to emotionally get over the attachment until you are ready to completely dismiss them without going through any pointless reconciliation withdrawals that really are nothing but just a waste of time in disguise. 

 

Just my opinion from my own experience, of course. But please, everyone, please take care of yourself. You only get one chance at this life. It would be a shame to let it end in regret...

 

Take care.

 

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I understand what your saying but what if you were the 1 person who could help, the 1 person who made a difference and you walked away? Every day is a challenge,everyday is a struggle and yet there are those other days when we LAUGH and thats what makes me stronger is his laughter. We have tried many different Meds only to have the Doctors change them then we start the difficult times all over again. No it's not easy and yes there are times I wanted to run but then if we all ran away what would become of them? These are people,human beings we are supposed to help and make a difference, We don't give up on trying to cure Cancer.Diabetes,or many others so how can we give up on this one either. I have foung the best support is a "Tag Team" with his girlfriend because 1 person can't do it alone when he gets to be to to overwhelming I take him for awhile and vice versa. On a positive note this young man with a mental illness has got his girlfriend to get her drivers license at the age of 26,go back to school for her dream profession and live independantly he has so many great qualities. Its awful how so many agencies slam doors in your face like the VA here in AZ we realize this is a life long illness but we are willing to do our part as human beings to make a difference to help and not be another one of those doors slamming shut on them. Dont feel guilty if you have to leave alot do but then there are those of us who cant or wont it is a sacrifice but it's one I'm willing to make. God Bless you all and I thank you for your input rather I agree or disagree Im glad we are able to share

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We don't stop trying to cure Cancer or Diabetes we can't just walk away because then what would this world be like? The person with a disability needs our help we are human beings it's our responsibility to do what we can to help it is hard and at times you want to run away but then there are those times when you hear the laughter and see the smiles on their face and that's what gives us the strenght to never give up. We have a "Tag Team" my son's girlfriend and I and when things get to overwhelming then the other one takes ove tht gives each person the time to rest or regroup. One person can't do it alone and if they have then they really are an ANGEL because that takes enourmous strength and dedication. Meds are something were trying but finding the right one has been frustrating we will not give up on him thats just not an option I appreciate this site and that we can all talk and share rather we agree or not it has been very helpful so I thank you
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I agree with what Bedson Trudeau said; give him an ultimatum. If you are really serious with him and want to stay with him forever, then you need to realize that he's not going to change, he's going to keep accusing you. It's going to happen again and again, unless he gets meds and seeks professional help. If he doesn't, then you're going to have to live your life with a man who will constantly accuse you of being someone you're not. I don't think it's worth it bc that's going to destroy you mentally and physically. Plus, if he truly loves you and sees how much pain he is putting you through, he should seek help. If not, then you have your answer.
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I have been dating my boyfriend for two years ow and we have a 15 month old son and a girl on the way in one month. Iknew when we got together that he was schizoprenic and he told me that it was mild case. Oncew I got pregnant with our son I was told by his mother that she is his legal person sto make decisions for him. Unfortunately I didnt realize what I was in for. Until the begining of this year. He lost one of his best friends to a drug overdose and he lost two of his grandfathers and a close cousin all in a year. He didnt handle it very well and had a relapse and went to the hospital for a week or two. When he came out he should have gone to another but his parents kept him home which i believe was their first mistake. He did not talk to anyone but himself for about three months. I beieve with all the deaths the new baby and new relationship was too hard on him. Eventually he got fed up or heard something and head butted me nd punched me in the face and knocked his mother on the ground. I knew it wasnt him and that he was hearing voices. When that happened he went to another hospital and the kept him for about another week. He was doing a little better but when he got home came up with a plan to start using the drug that his overdosed on he said that everything is done for a reason and in a certain way and this was his way to figure out why his friend did it. Unfortunately i enabled him and did it myself because I was depressed and unhappy but soon stopped but he kept going saying he was still trying to figure things out. He has hit me several other times gone off on me said that I do not know the real him and that I am not telling him everything that i am cheating and lying i dont respect him. Then he says he loves me he is sorry for what hitting me but acts like its no big deal. I try to be there for him but i realize tht i cant always be that person and i need to stay away for awhile.His parents finally realized that he was doing rugs and saw how bad he was treating his father they put him in another hopital. But you see its also hard because he can be very manipulative when he goes to the hospital and acts normal but in a few days when they say he is ok to be out he is back to talkin to himself or saying things that do not mak sense. Recently I realized I cannot be with him because he tried to kill me by driving crazy in the car puncing me several times and telling me i didnt know who i was dealing with that i think its him but its not him. I had to jump out the car and he turned the car around so quick to get me punched me tried to pull me to the car. I finally got in the car rolled the windows up and locked the doors and drove of. I feel bad for leaving him but i had to save myself. But I am worried his parents cannot find him he is not answering his phone who knows what he is thinking but he needs a oyt of help and not just for his schzoprenia but his drug use. I need help to with couseling because i am depressed stressed and have two children by him so i want to be with him and i love him but i give into him to easily and try to hard to be there for him when i shouldnt. I feel he has a lot pint up and needs a lot of help but his parents and family do not take his treatments hospital days like it is serious. they are not the ones that should make decisions. Plus they are both very sick and i do no know who will take care of him and or what willhappen to him. I thought i could but these violentepisodes are not good. i dont know what to do......

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I met my ex and we dated for a year and a half I knew he had a mental illness but towards the end he told me the voices wanted him to hurt me but I didn't believe him he used to say that stuff and say we couldn't be together we could just pretend...but I came home from work to another girl in my apartment and he went crazy on me...choked me, stomped on me, & bit me five or six times...I know you live him and want to help him just like I did...but now he is in jail and I'm broken it's easier to just leave when you can I should have taken that advice long ago before he tried to kill me...I guess he wasn't Lieing about the voices...but most everything else was a lie about him
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hello, my ex girlfriend had a flashback about her ex cheating on her and somehow brought that on me in the same situation, Instead of listening to her and hugging her, I re acted and got mad and insulted her past and judged her in her mind... I didn t yet fully understand her schizophrenia , and I am just human and was hurt and insulted. She never let this go and was cold and distant to me more and more ever since. It ended with her constant thinking I was looking at other woman ,,she became distant and colder and finally left me. I miss her and still love her but she said the day I broke her heart for the insult ruined our love... I tried everything to get her back but she has turned cold on me and was very very hurtful with insults w hen she left.... she refused to even want to try and talk about it, It s over now for 2 months and I am still heart broken
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I am a male with ocd and schizophrenia and i do the same things i aloways accuse my girlfriend of things she diddent do but really how do i know that she diddent do those things cause she has allready told me a bunch of lies and i wasent there i diddent see it with my eyes she allready lied so everyday i just wonder in my head thinking trying to catch her up but never seem to be able to i wish my mind would just quit putting theese thoughts in my head i want to trust her but my mind wont let me im sorry for what you went through but i cant help my thought prossess
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