Schizophrenic boyfriend wants to leave me over something that didnt really happen!!!

Honey, run for the door and shut it behind you. I can tell you from personal experience that things will never change. I dated a man with OCD/manic depressive disorder with hints of schizophrenia for over two years. Everytime we were together he would interigate me on what I had been doing since he last saw me and blame me for his problems in life even from before I knew him, all the while accussing me of cheating and trying to steal his identity.He would lume over me and scream and shake his fists. I thought I was so in love and would cry and beg him to forgive me for something I never did. He even punched a window as I walked by to catch me from leaving and cut my face up. I paid for the new window. This went on for years. There was times when he was wonderful and beg me to stay that he would get help. BUT he never did

 Later, I found out he was the one cheating on me for months and months and I took him back. The end only came when he stole my Bronco  one night after I had went to bed. He went to the bar and got pulled over on his way home and got several years in prison since it wasnt his first DUI. I continued to go see him for a few months since it was my fault he was there (or so he led me to believe). Only when I stopped going to see him (he got moved too far away) did I realize the true control he had over me and how much life I had lost and how he had destroied my self esteem and self worth.

I am still working through some of the issues several years later.

Good Luck

 just reas your story and thought i was reliving my life i goes throught this all the time, he accuses me of  lying to him and cheating with everyone i come into contact with. i dont cheat on him,  i love him dearly and i dont want to lose him but the relationship is really taking a toll on me. im staying in a motel right because he tried choking me last week, he called the police on me saying i attacked him, the police took him to jail for choking me. i wish there was someone i could talk to to help me help him. please someone help us women who is in relationships like this.   thank-you  teresa

Dont RUN real people who are determined to help someone you truly care about will be there thru thick and thin and it will not always be easy and there will be more bad days then good but it only takes someone who can fill those shoes and be in it for the LONG HAUL that can make a difference. I sware I thought you were my sons girlfriend because every single thing you just said you went thru she has too, the voices, accusations-endless and mood swings.and he (my son) rarely sleeps we just learned that his Zoloft may have triggered his situation he is a solider who started with PTSD then it went into Schizophrenia and severly! Be there to help him by talking to him about positive things, future things you would like to do together,NEVER tell him that you dont believe that he hears things because then you become the enemy plotting against him the Doctors told us to redirect him in the conversation. Hes not able to be around groups of people without thinking they are out to get him or his girlfriend is trying to hook up wit them. This young girl is a GOD SEND she should of run after all the things he put her thru and yet she didnt she stood by him, held his hand when he shook,hugged him when he cried and wanted to kill himself get him into some/any type of counseling go with him show him you are there for him. god bless you for you love for him we cant all just run away when things get to hard think about how scared he feels. Would you want to be alone if it was happening to you? I wouldnt.

Thank you for your reaching out.  This has validated my own experience so much.  Just today, I am reeling from the latest mood change (walking, constant walking in preparation for homelessness)... and the emotional abuse and just sucking the energy.  I very much understand loving someone and just giving up after the fifth outrageous thing they have accused you of over and over and using as an excuse to act out (for me, it was that i was a man, that I had raped him, that i cheated on him, that I lied to him)...  and obviously, of course you have to have compassion on someone whose childhood was such hell, but when it comes to the voices - it just sounds like hell, but of course - to him - that's what he's familiar with, so it's scary to be empty or something....  I constantly myself say that I just want to have open communication and love and feel safe.  It feels like every day is a different character.  And he has only flirted with mental health facilities and only in times of nothing else to try.

Can these wounded men be healed and can we love ourselves too much to allow chaotic pain?  I too am at the 'medication or no relationship' point and this comes from someone who would very rarely advocate medicine.  But how can you defend against days of rants and mistrusts and the minute they feel better, they get urges to cheat on you and spend all their money....

sigh

healing and understanding and communication and evolution...

First, I just want to say I admire the courage anyone who is/was involved with  someone with a mental illness. It can be extremely draining at times, but your strength to hang on and stay focus is commendable. Well done!

Second, I have to agree with the previous comments about how the relationship will not get any better. It won't. Mainly because one of the most important factors for improving an unhealthy relationship will always be missing: the other person has to admit they are the cause of the problems. There is only so much understand you can show someone with a mental illness before they begin to realize the more you try to understand them, the more they will resent you for trying. Not only that, you have to make sure you do not go insane during the process of trying to understand them, for if both of you are mentally unfit, what good will either one of you be for each other? None. 

Third, the problem with deciding whether or not to break up with a mentally ill individual is that you never know how they will take it. If they already have a belief that you are out to get them, breaking up with them might set them off. They could attack you in the most fatal of ways. Because you have already accepted them into your life, trying to rid them out of it might not go as well as you think it will since you are a source of validation for them. Each time they hurt you and you forgive them, it is like saying what they did to you was okay, and so they do it again and again, because they know they can cross the boundaries you have set without any future consequences. In all honesty, the longer you hold onto this relationship, the more "crippled" the mentally ill person becomes. Try thinking about reducing the level of importance they have in your life, such as a friendship or an acquaintance. From my experience, abruptly cutting the person off never really works; all they will do is figure out the 'right" thing to say, your natural reaction to forgive them will kick in when you hear their sob story, and then starts the cycle of abuse all over again. Also, by reducing the level of importance they have in your life will give you a chance to emotionally get over the attachment until you are ready to completely dismiss them without going through any pointless reconciliation withdrawals that really are nothing but just a waste of time in disguise. 

Just my opinion from my own experience, of course. But please, everyone, please take care of yourself. You only get one chance at this life. It would be a shame to let it end in regret...

Take care.

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I understand what your saying but what if you were the 1 person who could help, the 1 person who made a difference and you walked away? Every day is a challenge,everyday is a struggle and yet there are those other days when we LAUGH and thats what makes me stronger is his laughter. We have tried many different Meds only to have the Doctors change them then we start the difficult times all over again. No it's not easy and yes there are times I wanted to run but then if we all ran away what would become of them? These are people,human beings we are supposed to help and make a difference, We don't give up on trying to cure Cancer.Diabetes,or many others so how can we give up on this one either. I have foung the best support is a "Tag Team" with his girlfriend because 1 person can't do it alone when he gets to be to to overwhelming I take him for awhile and vice versa. On a positive note this young man with a mental illness has got his girlfriend to get her drivers license at the age of 26,go back to school for her dream profession and live independantly he has so many great qualities. Its awful how so many agencies slam doors in your face like the VA here in AZ we realize this is a life long illness but we are willing to do our part as human beings to make a difference to help and not be another one of those doors slamming shut on them. Dont feel guilty if you have to leave alot do but then there are those of us who cant or wont it is a sacrifice but it's one I'm willing to make. God Bless you all and I thank you for your input rather I agree or disagree Im glad we are able to share

I have been dating my boyfriend for two years ow and we have a 15 month old son and a girl on the way in one month. Iknew when we got together that he was schizoprenic and he told me that it was mild case. Oncew I got pregnant with our son I was told by his mother that she is his legal person sto make decisions for him. Unfortunately I didnt realize what I was in for. Until the begining of this year. He lost one of his best friends to a drug overdose and he lost two of his grandfathers and a close cousin all in a year. He didnt handle it very well and had a relapse and went to the hospital for a week or two. When he came out he should have gone to another but his parents kept him home which i believe was their first mistake. He did not talk to anyone but himself for about three months. I beieve with all the deaths the new baby and new relationship was too hard on him. Eventually he got fed up or heard something and head butted me nd punched me in the face and knocked his mother on the ground. I knew it wasnt him and that he was hearing voices. When that happened he went to another hospital and the kept him for about another week. He was doing a little better but when he got home came up with a plan to start using the drug that his overdosed on he said that everything is done for a reason and in a certain way and this was his way to figure out why his friend did it. Unfortunately i enabled him and did it myself because I was depressed and unhappy but soon stopped but he kept going saying he was still trying to figure things out. He has hit me several other times gone off on me said that I do not know the real him and that I am not telling him everything that i am cheating and lying i dont respect him. Then he says he loves me he is sorry for what hitting me but acts like its no big deal. I try to be there for him but i realize tht i cant always be that person and i need to stay away for awhile.His parents finally realized that he was doing rugs and saw how bad he was treating his father they put him in another hopital. But you see its also hard because he can be very manipulative when he goes to the hospital and acts normal but in a few days when they say he is ok to be out he is back to talkin to himself or saying things that do not mak sense. Recently I realized I cannot be with him because he tried to kill me by driving crazy in the car puncing me several times and telling me i didnt know who i was dealing with that i think its him but its not him. I had to jump out the car and he turned the car around so quick to get me punched me tried to pull me to the car. I finally got in the car rolled the windows up and locked the doors and drove of. I feel bad for leaving him but i had to save myself. But I am worried his parents cannot find him he is not answering his phone who knows what he is thinking but he needs a oyt of help and not just for his schzoprenia but his drug use. I need help to with couseling because i am depressed stressed and have two children by him so i want to be with him and i love him but i give into him to easily and try to hard to be there for him when i shouldnt. I feel he has a lot pint up and needs a lot of help but his parents and family do not take his treatments hospital days like it is serious. they are not the ones that should make decisions. Plus they are both very sick and i do no know who will take care of him and or what willhappen to him. I thought i could but these violentepisodes are not good. i dont know what to do......