my mothers birthday is in three days and I feel like c**p because i wish i could be happy for her.(my way to escape the depression while i acknowledge it makes it worse is) when i crave the meth; i see smoke everywhere, my whole body trembles, i get cold, i want to die, and when i close my eyes i see the opium pipe filled with smoke and me inhaling it. i miss it so much but ive been depressed since i was a child my father would rape me, beat me, prostitute me, put me down, never called me by name but called me w**** b***h and s***, id have him and his thugs threaten to kill me if i didnt do their commands, it was like living in the third world without the constant gunfire and explosions. but those things happened to mother my brother and i everyday. i can never forget the screams they haunt me in my nightmares and so does father. i wish i could finish this but i have to go im at school....