I am 22 years old and still a virgin. I have wanted to save myself until marriage since I was in high school. Well, now I am engaged to a man who is also a virgin.
I am terrified of losing my virginity. When I was younger, I had a disorder called microperforate hymen. Basically, the opening through the hymen was so small that my gyno could only fit her little finger in up to the first knuckle, and with a lot of pain on my part. I tried using tampons, but every single time I did, I hurt and felt ill and I still couldn't get them in.
I got surgery in between senior and freshman year to make the opening wider, and I could finally use tampons (thank goodness). I could insert my first two fingers up to the first knuckle with only minimal discomfort. I was so excited.
Anyways, I'm terrified of losing my virginity. I told my fiance that. He is the nicest, most thoughtful guy, but he keeps on telling me that it will all be fine. I caught a glimpse of him once in the morning after I spent the night on his couch. He is definitely bigger than my two fingers. I mean, he is a big guy himself, and his penis matches his size. So I have experimented with myself, trying to open the hole wider. I can orgasm with my clit, but no matter what I try, I cant seem to stretch to opening further. I did some research on the surgery I had, and I found out that sometimes it cause make the hymen that i left a little thicker because there is a scar. I think that might be my problem. I actually think it might be mental too. I am remembering trying to insert a tampon before my surgery and how nauseated it made me feel, and how much it hurt.
I am so scared that I once mused that I wanted to be roofied on my wedding night, so that I wouldn't remember. Well, that's not gonna happen.
I know that I have to use LOTS of lube and get relaxed with some nice foreplay. I heard that aspirin also helps a little, as well as a bit of alcohol. I also heard that benzocaine, the stuff that is in throat sprays or teething gel, would help numb the opening. Any other suggestions?
Hey girl. I would like to tell you that you are a bit too scared because there is nothing so painful in losing virginity. I know that it may act as a terrifying thing, and you could be scared as hell, but don't let your fear interfere with your needs. If you feel that you are ready to lose your virginity, you should go ahead and do it. Just, important thing is to be safe, always, because that will keep your partner protected, as well as yourself. Do not be scared of that, but be careful with whom you're doing it.
I wont lie. Its gonna hurt. It hurt my gf on our first time. You already know to use lube I see, but tell him to go really slow. be on top the first time so that you control the pace. how big is he exactly?
Oh geez. I only saw it once. We talked about it afterward. He *claims* its 8.5 long (not worried about the length so much now because depth can be controlled) and 6 around. I'm not good at visual measurements, but those don't seem that far off.
6 around? that doesnt sound right but depth can be controlled if you can control him. after the first time you will stretch and the second time will only be a little painful.
Hi Guest,
I understand your concern. Can you talk to your doctor about this? My understanding is that the surgery you have had should remove the hymen and create a normal sized opening. Perhaps you are right and it is a psychological problem. You have experienced a lot of pain previously so you anticipate that anything going in to your vagina will be painful. That anxiety can lead to your vaginal muscles contracting and therefor inserting anything becomes more difficult and painful. It is a subconscious thing. This is called vaginismus. The good news is that it can be treated. The type of treatment depends on the cause so it is important to see your doctor and get the right treatment. Sometimes it will be treated by a physiotherapist that specialises in pelvic floor health, other times by a gynecologist or psychologist.
Sex should be pleasurable and using numbing agents, aspirin and alcohol are not good long term solutions. It is also important to seek treatment before having intercourse as you don't want to experience sex as painful, that will just compound the problem. Vaginas are usually very stretchy (babies come out that way) and should easily be able to accommodate most penises. You might just need reassurance from your doctor that there is no scar tissue or if there is some advice about how to manage/treat that.
All the best, and I hope your wedding night is truly memorable