Hi everyone, I have a really embarrassing problem that I was hoping someone could help me with.
In my last two relationships my partners were unable to orgasm during sex with me. This has affected my confidence a great deal and caused a huge amount of unhappiness for me- to the point where I developed clinical depression and self-harmed, started drinking heavily etc. I have seen about 5 different gynaechologists as I was convinced I must have a huge vagina or something, but they all checked me out and said my vagina was normal sized and had good muscle tone etc. Most of the doctors just looked at me like I was crazy and one insisted over and over again that it was the guys that had the problem and not me but then I found out that one of my former partners had got his ex-girlfriend pregnant (totally unplanned), so he obviously didn't have the same trouble with her. It's me that's the problem :'(
What could be wrong with me? I tried so hard to please my partners in bed but nothing ever worked. I'm not the best looking woman in the world but not the worst either and if these men didn't find me attractive, then why would they be with me in the first place?
I asked my first boyfriend about this (we are still very close friends) and he thinks he had a problem with his foreskin. He has since had an operation but has never had sex with anyone other than me, so I feel like he can't really give me an answer. The other guy I'm no longer in contact with but I remember when we had sex and he couldn't come and always ended up "finishing himself off" with me lying there like a spare part - so hurtful :'( I'm not saying he meant to hurt me but it made me feel so inadequate and like I already said, he had no such trouble with his ex seeing as he got her pregnant by accident.
Everything I've read about delayed ejaculation tells me it's not a common problem - only 3% of the male population suffer from it. So, if it's that rare why did I get it twice? Could I have something wrong that the doctors missed...or maybe I'm a lot more unattractive than I'm willing to admit to myself.
Seriously, what most women expect and take for granted - the guy coming - I would be over the moon if it happened! ALL I want is to be in a happy, loving relationship and to have normal sex but I just don't see it happening. To tell the truth I'm still in love with me ex (the one who now has the child) but that's a whole different story. I am now 30 years old, life is passing me by and I have been celibate for the past four years as I am absolutely TERRIFIED to have sex incase the same thing happens yet again :'(
Please don't anyone tell me to go and have sex with someone else as an experiment because it's something I could not do. I'm just not wired up that way, I'm afraid. I'm very sensitive and need to have a lot of feelings for someone before jumping into bed with them. I did have a one night stand, once when I was 18. I didn't enjoy it and felt terrible afterwards but ironically, this guy never had a problem coming. So yeah, four years since I last had sex and twelve since a guy came inside me. I have only slept with those three men, I don't have any other experience.
I don't know why I'm posting this. I don't expect anyone to be able to do anything about it....I'm just looking for some advice, I guess. Please someone help me, I'm hurting so bad over this. I've lost all my confidence and feelings of self-worth. I don't feel like a proper woman at all...just an ugly freak :'(
In my last two relationships my partners were unable to orgasm during sex with me. This has affected my confidence a great deal and caused a huge amount of unhappiness for me- to the point where I developed clinical depression and self-harmed, started drinking heavily etc. I have seen about 5 different gynaechologists as I was convinced I must have a huge vagina or something, but they all checked me out and said my vagina was normal sized and had good muscle tone etc. Most of the doctors just looked at me like I was crazy and one insisted over and over again that it was the guys that had the problem and not me but then I found out that one of my former partners had got his ex-girlfriend pregnant (totally unplanned), so he obviously didn't have the same trouble with her. It's me that's the problem :'(
What could be wrong with me? I tried so hard to please my partners in bed but nothing ever worked. I'm not the best looking woman in the world but not the worst either and if these men didn't find me attractive, then why would they be with me in the first place?
I asked my first boyfriend about this (we are still very close friends) and he thinks he had a problem with his foreskin. He has since had an operation but has never had sex with anyone other than me, so I feel like he can't really give me an answer. The other guy I'm no longer in contact with but I remember when we had sex and he couldn't come and always ended up "finishing himself off" with me lying there like a spare part - so hurtful :'( I'm not saying he meant to hurt me but it made me feel so inadequate and like I already said, he had no such trouble with his ex seeing as he got her pregnant by accident.
Everything I've read about delayed ejaculation tells me it's not a common problem - only 3% of the male population suffer from it. So, if it's that rare why did I get it twice? Could I have something wrong that the doctors missed...or maybe I'm a lot more unattractive than I'm willing to admit to myself.
Seriously, what most women expect and take for granted - the guy coming - I would be over the moon if it happened! ALL I want is to be in a happy, loving relationship and to have normal sex but I just don't see it happening. To tell the truth I'm still in love with me ex (the one who now has the child) but that's a whole different story. I am now 30 years old, life is passing me by and I have been celibate for the past four years as I am absolutely TERRIFIED to have sex incase the same thing happens yet again :'(
Please don't anyone tell me to go and have sex with someone else as an experiment because it's something I could not do. I'm just not wired up that way, I'm afraid. I'm very sensitive and need to have a lot of feelings for someone before jumping into bed with them. I did have a one night stand, once when I was 18. I didn't enjoy it and felt terrible afterwards but ironically, this guy never had a problem coming. So yeah, four years since I last had sex and twelve since a guy came inside me. I have only slept with those three men, I don't have any other experience.
I don't know why I'm posting this. I don't expect anyone to be able to do anything about it....I'm just looking for some advice, I guess. Please someone help me, I'm hurting so bad over this. I've lost all my confidence and feelings of self-worth. I don't feel like a proper woman at all...just an ugly freak :'(
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Whyme,
You do not have a problem. No matter how big a woman vagina is a man can still orgasm. It was just a quincidence with those two guys. Some guys cant cum. You are fine.
You do not have a problem. No matter how big a woman vagina is a man can still orgasm. It was just a quincidence with those two guys. Some guys cant cum. You are fine.
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Thanks for replying wolfman,
The problem has now been resolved. I did what I should have done a long time ago - got back in touch with my ex. Things are going well now and I couldn't be happier.
You're right, there isn't anything wrong with me. The issue was to do with the side-effects of medication. My only regret is that I waited so long to do something about this. Communication was definitely the key in this case.
I think I should be working on my own self-esteem issues instead of worrying about stuff like this and assuming every problem is my fault.
Once again, thanks for the reply.
:-)
The problem has now been resolved. I did what I should have done a long time ago - got back in touch with my ex. Things are going well now and I couldn't be happier.
You're right, there isn't anything wrong with me. The issue was to do with the side-effects of medication. My only regret is that I waited so long to do something about this. Communication was definitely the key in this case.
I think I should be working on my own self-esteem issues instead of worrying about stuff like this and assuming every problem is my fault.
Once again, thanks for the reply.
:-)
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