Hello forum I'm about to be straight up with you I need help(I know crazy right) lol. Anyways here's the thing, about two years ago I used to have so much fun and partyed all the time(about too much) but I've never had so much fun in my life time it was different and exciting. Then some sh*t happened with some friends where I thought they were being fake with me when high and kinda f*****g with me(purposly trying to get me jealous or feel bad) they never wanted to hang out sober tho.. After that I stopped hanging out with everyone and started to withdrawal and smoke alone(I'm a chronic smoker tbh)(I turned 18 already it's legal) I only spend time mostly in my room unless I get dropped of somewhere(no car) always alone. So now I'm very used to being Alone and chilling in my room. When I smoke it's not every the same anymore however. I felt like I was so insecure that I let people easily take advantage of me which is awesome cuz I've matured a lot from pushing away from them however only in that one sense that I do not give in to peer pressure. I recently went to a party again after a year or two I can't remember and drank some and also smoked a joint but for some Reason I was so screwed up my mind was in another world and I was not enjoying the party nor did I want to socialize with anyone, I just wanted to chill you know, not dance and get crazy. When I smoke now a days my perception is totally wrong, I have terrible social anxiety, life seems over whelming and crazy too me, and I feel really fake and like I have to try, I also have a fear that fellow females will think I'm devious therefore influenceing me to act devious. I hate this. I just want to be my old self again and balance friends and partying with school but I can't handle my sh*t anymore. I WANT TO PARTY AND HAVE THE BEST TIME OF MY LIFE LIKE A YOUNG ADULT/teenager would and like a WORRY FREE LIFE . But I can't think way too f*****g much it's driving me nuts. If anyone knows what I'm talking about or feeling or if You even just know the solution to my problem please help me out.
Are you seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist? I used to have terrible anxiety all day long. Just a general feeling of being uncomfortable and to a certain degree, social anxiety since I was scared someone would notice my vulnerable mental state. Fortunately I have a great psychiatrist who's been able to almost completely get rid of my anxiety. I think what you are going through can be treated, so don't loose hope.