im a reasonably fit and healthy 26year old guy.my sex drive has never been as high as some guys but ive never thought alot of it until now.i have been with my gf for over a year now who i am completely in love with and would do anything for.she is 21 and the most beautiful person i know.i find her very pysicaly attractive and feel very lucky to have her,tho i fear i have lost her due to this.she has a much higher sex drive than me and has never been happy with the amount of sex we have.im the first to admit that when we first started having sex i could be selfish and she rarely climaxed even when i did.we talked about it in length and from then on i have always tried to put her needs first when we have sex.she doesnt climax through intercourse and we both believe that it should be something you both enjoy and it should be about both of us.when we do have sex i do my best to stimulate her but always now pull out before i finish and give her oral sex until she does as to not be selfish as we spoke about.when this happens i lose my erection and so often dont finish myself.she always tries to finish me afterwards as she is a very selfless lover.this does affect me tho as i spend time trying not to finish more than just concentrating on enjoying it.i am in no way blaming her but obviously it takes much of the pleasure away for me. recently my sex drive has dropped massivley to a concerning level.i very rarely get an erection at all and cant control when i do.i also suffer from very aggresive headaches in the evenings that i no i should see a doctor about but i guess im just to scared of what they might say.this obviously affects us when we go to bed as i just want to go to sleep.i have become increasingly concerned that not only do i not get erections i dont even think about sex.i love my partner very much and have tried to deal with this myself so i can satisfy her as nothing scares me more than being without her. i decided to start watching porn to try to increase my libido and even looked at different types of porn.as im sure you can imagine i only increased my concerns when absolutley nothing and i do mean nothing happend.this is when i began to really worry as i thought maybe if i masturbated it might increase my desire for sex and we could work things out.we have recently had a very stressful move and i lost my job and i have hoped alot of it is in my head as i was signed off work with stress and deppresion six month ago as well for a month.this obviously put even more pressure on our relationship.so as i said i thought watching porn would help,silly i no but i dont undersatand it and would try anything to make this go away.about a week ago my partner looked on the internet history on the laptop and saw that i had been watching porn.she hit the roof and didnt try to understand.she now feels that it is her fault and i would rather watch porn than sleep with her.she feels unattractive and hurt but this couldnt be further from the truth.i want nothing more than to be able to sleep with her and i miss it very much.i got up the other day with her to send her off to work as it was my day off.it was maybe 9am and i sat on the sofa and put on the football.i was there maybe 15minutes or so when i noticed i had a erection.now this isnt because i was watching football it was completely random and uninfluenced.now when i told her that when i watched the porn nothing happened she didnt beleive me.so im sat here with a erection that doesnt happen often so i decided to maturbate.i saw this as a positive thing and told myself maybe i can try and have sex with her tonight.she feels i dont try enough but its because im scared it wont work and its embarresing.she came home from work and we went out for a family meal and had a lovely time.we got home and she ran me a bath so i didnt have a headache.imagine my horror when she storms into the bathroom with the video camera that i bought her for xmas and shed set it up and recored the whole thing.now she thinks i masturbate every time she goes out and i fear were beyond repair and il have to deal with this all on my own.she has told her freind and im humiliated.the worst thing is i really saw it as a positve thing and im going to lose her for it.i cant help it and i dont understand it so how can i make her when i just want her support.im going to lose everything for something i cant control and dont understand and its not fair.i love her and just want to be normal.please help
pressure. it sounds like it's all mental. first, you are normal.
if you let her read your post, maybe she will have a better understanding of what you're going through.
i would definitely recommend that you take turns climaxing every other time you have sex, that way the both of you can enjoy it and have the satisfaction of knowing the other climaxed and you took one for the team.
about the sex drive... before having sex, do not think that you are not going to climax. if you do, it makes sense that you can't. sex is such a mental thing. you probably felt relaxed and happy for the first time in awhile while watching football on your day off... that can explain the erection. masturbation is perfectly normal. just because you watch porn doesn't mean you're going to have an erection. if you have feelings of guilt for doing so (ie. you know it could hurt her feelings, but you are doing it so that you can feel normal and get on with your sex life), that also can affect your sexual desire/drive.
you have multiple stressors that could cause decreased sex drive in anyone, but performance anxiety alone can cause the lack of sex drive that you've described.
if you're in love, this is something you can work out, with a lot of understanding from the both of you.
girls share things with their friends...sometimes too much, but that's also normal. don't be embarrassed and try to stop pressuring yourself. just get out and get some exercise... preferably cardio like swimming or running.. it releases endorphins causing feelings of happiness AND confidence.
good luck, don't let it get you down.
if you let her read your post, maybe she will have a better understanding of what you're going through.
i would definitely recommend that you take turns climaxing every other time you have sex, that way the both of you can enjoy it and have the satisfaction of knowing the other climaxed and you took one for the team.
about the sex drive... before having sex, do not think that you are not going to climax. if you do, it makes sense that you can't. sex is such a mental thing. you probably felt relaxed and happy for the first time in awhile while watching football on your day off... that can explain the erection. masturbation is perfectly normal. just because you watch porn doesn't mean you're going to have an erection. if you have feelings of guilt for doing so (ie. you know it could hurt her feelings, but you are doing it so that you can feel normal and get on with your sex life), that also can affect your sexual desire/drive.
you have multiple stressors that could cause decreased sex drive in anyone, but performance anxiety alone can cause the lack of sex drive that you've described.
if you're in love, this is something you can work out, with a lot of understanding from the both of you.
girls share things with their friends...sometimes too much, but that's also normal. don't be embarrassed and try to stop pressuring yourself. just get out and get some exercise... preferably cardio like swimming or running.. it releases endorphins causing feelings of happiness AND confidence.
good luck, don't let it get you down.
u have cancer