Just got this e-mail from my Mom.
Why We Love Kids
NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children
one warm summer evening when a woman
in the convertible ahead of us stood up and
waved. She was stark naked! As I was
reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old
shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady
isn't wearing a seat belt!"
HONESTY
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of
the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his
toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out
and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood
there thinking for a moment, then ran to my
bathroom and came out with my toothbrush.
He held it up and said with a charming little
smile, "We better throw this one out too
then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days
ago.
OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader
handed his teacher a note from his mother.
The note read, "The opinions expressed by
this child are not necessarily those of his
parents."
KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup
to come out of the jar. During her struggle
the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old
daughter to answer the phone. "It's the
minister, Mommy," the child said to her
mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't
come to the phone to talk to you right now.
She's hitting the bottle."
MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found
himself in the women's locker room. When
he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks,
with ladies grabbing towels and running for
cover. The little boy watched in amazement
and then asked, "What's the matter haven't
you ever seen a little boy before?"
POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at
an elementary school, I was interrupted by a
little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and
down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a
cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued
writing the report. "My mother said if I ever
needed help I should ask the police. Is that
right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well,
then," she said as
she extended her foot
toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"
POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my
police van in front of the station. As I
gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner,
Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy
staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back
there" he asked? "It sure is," I replied.
Puzzled. The boy looked at me and
then
towards the back of the van. Finally he said,
"What'd he do?"
ELDERLY
While working for an organization that
delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used
to take my 4-year-old daughter on my
afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly
intrigued by the various appliances of old
age, particularly the canes, walkers and
wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a
pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I
braced myself for the inevitable barrage of
questions, she merely turned and
whispered, "The tooth
fairy will never believe this!"
DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a
party. When she saw her dad
donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't
wear that suit."
"And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a
headache the next morning."
DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his
church,our minister heard the
intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently,his5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead
robin.Feeling that proper
burial should be performed, they had secured a small
box cotton batting,
then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the
deceased.
The minister's
son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with
sonorous dignity intonedhis version of
what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto
the Faaaather,and unto
the Sonnn ..... and into the hole he gooooes."
SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of
school.
"I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I
can't read, I can't write and they won't let me
talk!"
BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible. He
was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly,
something fell out of the Bible. He picked up
the object and looked at it. What he saw was
an old leaf that had been pressed in
between the pages. "Mama, look what I
found," the boy called
out." What have you
got there, dear?" With astonishment in the
young boy's
voice, he answered, "I think it's
Adam's underwear!"
Why We Love Kids
NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children
one warm summer evening when a woman
in the convertible ahead of us stood up and
waved. She was stark naked! As I was
reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old
shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady
isn't wearing a seat belt!"
HONESTY
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of
the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his
toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out
and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood
there thinking for a moment, then ran to my
bathroom and came out with my toothbrush.
He held it up and said with a charming little
smile, "We better throw this one out too
then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days
ago.
OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader
handed his teacher a note from his mother.
The note read, "The opinions expressed by
this child are not necessarily those of his
parents."
KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup
to come out of the jar. During her struggle
the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old
daughter to answer the phone. "It's the
minister, Mommy," the child said to her
mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't
come to the phone to talk to you right now.
She's hitting the bottle."
MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found
himself in the women's locker room. When
he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks,
with ladies grabbing towels and running for
cover. The little boy watched in amazement
and then asked, "What's the matter haven't
you ever seen a little boy before?"
POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at
an elementary school, I was interrupted by a
little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and
down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a
cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued
writing the report. "My mother said if I ever
needed help I should ask the police. Is that
right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well,
then," she said as
she extended her foot
toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"
POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my
police van in front of the station. As I
gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner,
Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy
staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back
there" he asked? "It sure is," I replied.
Puzzled. The boy looked at me and
then
towards the back of the van. Finally he said,
"What'd he do?"
ELDERLY
While working for an organization that
delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used
to take my 4-year-old daughter on my
afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly
intrigued by the various appliances of old
age, particularly the canes, walkers and
wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a
pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I
braced myself for the inevitable barrage of
questions, she merely turned and
whispered, "The tooth
fairy will never believe this!"
DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a
party. When she saw her dad
donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't
wear that suit."
"And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a
headache the next morning."
DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his
church,our minister heard the
intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently,his5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead
robin.Feeling that proper
burial should be performed, they had secured a small
box cotton batting,
then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the
deceased.
The minister's
son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with
sonorous dignity intonedhis version of
what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto
the Faaaather,and unto
the Sonnn ..... and into the hole he gooooes."
SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of
school.
"I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I
can't read, I can't write and they won't let me
talk!"
BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible. He
was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly,
something fell out of the Bible. He picked up
the object and looked at it. What he saw was
an old leaf that had been pressed in
between the pages. "Mama, look what I
found," the boy called
out." What have you
got there, dear?" With astonishment in the
young boy's
voice, he answered, "I think it's
Adam's underwear!"
This reminds me of Colin. Many years ago, (when he was young enough for it to be cute) we had purchased a six pack of beer---the first in ages. My mother-in-law calls and Colin gets on the phone. Apparently she asks: "How are your parents? " So Colin honestly answers: "Well, they're drinking again" Needless to say we were then questioned thoroughly after that.
That was great coach thanks for sharing that
nudity one is awesome.