Could My Child Be Transgender? Exploring The Signs And The Future

Most children don't give much thought to their gender. Children naturally show an interest in the clothing of the opposite gender when they're young before identifying as their biological gender. For many children, their biological gender will be the same as their anatomical gender. However, some children feel like they've been born in the wrong body.

What Does Transgender Mean?

Many people make assumptions about what it means to be transgender. They assume it is related to sexual orientation, or the clothes someone chooses to wear, or the anatomical equipment someone has — but that's all incorrect. A person is transgender if they feel they have been born into a body of the wrong sex. Those feelings remain the same, whether the individual chooses to act on them or not.

Gender is not an absolute. It exists on a continuum. Gender is made up of more than a person's genitalia. It's largely based on the gender of a person's brain (which may differ from, or compliment, the anatomical gender), and prenatal exposure to hormones. Some people identify as male, some as female, and some people identify as not having a biological gender at all.

At What Age Do Transgender Feelings Become Apparent?

Many parents find that their toddler son wants to wear their older sister's dress, or that their little girl wants to play with toy soldiers. Some parents wonder if this means that their child may be transgender.

It doesn't

Under the age of five, all children show an interest in the stereotypical clothes and toys of the opposite gender, and may even play around with opposite-sex alter-egos (a little boy may want you to call him "Princess Penelope", a little girl may want to play the King). This is a very common part of exploration in young children, and is not a sign that your child feels trapped in the wrong body.

READ Myths About Transgender Identities

This gender-exploration behavior is more likely to be noted in boys than in girls. This is not because it occurs more commonly in boys, but because society deems it more acceptable for girls to climb tress and wear dungarees than for boys to wear a dress and pretend to be a princess.

This gender-exploration usually disappears by puberty.

However, some children will never reconcile their biological gender and their anatomical gender. They may feel that they belong to the opposite gender, or that they have no gender. As the child reaches puberty, the transgender child will want to continue wearing clothes that reflect their true gender, rather than their anatomical gender.

I Think My Child Is Transgender: What Now?

If you think your child might be transgender, the first thing you need to do is talk to them. Don't judge your child based on their behavior. Many people don't behave in a stereotypically "masculine" or "feminine" way, but that doesn't mean they identify as the opposite gender.

Monitor your child for signs of depression or stress. A child who is struggling to accept that they are transgender may self-harm, so watch out for the signs (such as wearing long sleeves in summer), and ask your child how they feel about their gender.

If your child strongly identifies as a gender other than their anatomical gender, it might be time to get them some help.

What Help Is Available?

The first step would be to contact your family doctor. Your doctor will be able to arrange all necessary referrals, which will usually include a referral to a Padiatric Psychiatric specialist. This will enable your child to have counselling to explore their feelings.

Seeing a psychiatrist does not mean that there's anything "abnormal" with transgender children or teens. There isn't. But discovering, and acknowledging, that your biological gender doesn't match your anatomical gender can be fraught with confusion. Psychological support will help your child work through these feelings and decide what they need to do in order to feel like themselves.

READ Is Binary Transgender Acceptance Another Trap For Non-Binary Trans People?

A therapist will frequently work with the rest of the family. Do not underestimate the importance of this work; take any therapy offered to you as a parent. It can be difficult for parents when their child realizes they're trapped in the wrong body and want to rectify the error. To parents, it can feel almost like a death: the loss of the child you thought you'd know. Therapy will help you work through those feelings of grief and get to know the wonderful child inside the child you gave birth to (Of course, not every parent experiences this grief: you may have already known your child was trapped in the wrong body, and not have been surprised when they told you).

Children with gender dysphoria (the medical term for feeling trapped in a body of the wrong gender) are frequently prescribed hormone blockers to delay physical puberty until the child is old enough to decide whether to proceed with gender reassignment. After participating in the therapy process, and growing to an age where they are deemed mentally-competent to decide, your child may wish to undergo hormone therapy to alter their physical chemistry to match their biological sex. This may lead to full gender reassignment surgery when your child is an adult.

How Can I Support My Child?

Realizing you're different can be a very isolating experience. Your child may experience periods of depression. Bullies pick on anyone who's different, and your child may not always meet tolerant and accepting people.

As a parent, you want to protect your child. The sad reality is that this isn't always possible. You can, however, ensure that your child knows they have your full support and your absolute, unswerving love and acceptance. Let your child know you will always be there for them, and don't attempt to force them to accept an identity that was never meant to be theirs'. Take your child to all their appointments and show practical support for the choice they're facing.