Disabled And Looking For Love? How To Navigate Challenges And Prejudices, And Have Fun

UK disability-advocacy organization Scope "exists to make this country a place where disabled people have the same opportunities as everyone else". Its #EndTheAwkard videos — some of which are really quite humorous in an uncomfortable sort of way — highlight some of the issues disabled people face on a daily basis, including in the dating realm. All of these videos are based on actual experiences people had.

Have you been there? Have you had dates "insisting" on accompanying you to the restroom because you're blind, have you had people tell you that "it's great that you're deaf; you could be my perfect woman... I snore", have you had people just get up and walk away when they realized you had a disability, or have you had them suggest that if only you tried some diet or totally unscientific alternative remedy, you'd be cured of your cerebral palsy? 

If you have, you may just be beginning to feel a little bit of relief over the fact that only one in 10 able-bodied people have been out on a date with a disabled person. Awkward? Yes, dating is awkward enough by nature, without a royal selection of offensive comments and attitudes surrounding your disability. Some people outright suck, while others may be great people who just haven't learned to deal with their own weird prejudices... or how to avoid confronting you with them.

"Dating", in general, may not actually be the best way to meet a partner anyway — many of us instead find our other halves at work, in the gym, among our circle of friends, at a book club, or in any other real-life scenario. You may be hoping that that right person, that awesome, funny, caring, cool person you could spend the rest of your life with, finds themselves on your path through dating, though. It can happen, of course. But with many people being so very weird around disabilities, your dating experiences are bound to be even stranger than those of able-bodied people. 

Be Yourself — With An Added Dose Of Humor

If you are dating with the goal of finding a long-term partner, you may be nervous as well as trying to be on your best behavior, but everyone benefits if the person they're on a date with is as close to their "real self" as they can get. One way to achieve this is to introduce your date, if you like them, to your friends as soon as possible — that way, they'll get to see the most relaxed and authentic side of you quickly. Going on dates that focus on some activity that doesn't require just talking all the time can also help create a less pressurized atmosphere; providing, of course, that the conversation doesn't turn to the limitations you face within that environment instead. 

READ What Is Disability? A Radically Different Look At What It Means To Be Disabled

Humor is often the most powerful tool to deal with socially tricky situations, and dating is no different — even if you have to respond with a sarcastic joke when they make an off remark about your disability. (Depending on what they're generally like and if they were being an overall [insert expletive], you can just not call them again.]

Dating With A Disability

Talking About Your Disability

Because some (OK, let's not kid ourselves here, most) people are awkward around visible disabilities and potentially even more so around non-visible disabilities, your disability — once your date realizes you have it — may become the center of conversation. When you have a visible disability, chances are that it often finds itself the focus of many of your daily interactions, and you're bored sick of that. You can either get the disability chat out of the way quickly, or you can tell your date that you'd prefer to talk about that later, once you actually know each other a bit. 

You're not under the obligation to be anyone's "learning opportunity". You are not under the obligation to make any able-bodied person feel 
"all nice and charitable" for being on a date with you. You are not under any obligation, period.

However, remember that plenty of people who are otherwise pretty cool still have odd visceral reactions to things they haven't been exposed to before; if you can put up with their knee-jerk reactions and prejudiced actions and comments, it may just be that they're actually hiding a pretty awesome personality, one that will shine through once they get over themselves.

Dating Websites For Disabled People

SteadyHealth isn't in the business of advertising, but I thought I'd let you know, in case you didn't already, that there are indeed a few dating websites out there specifically for disabled people. Using them can be an interesting experience that allows you to meet people who understand exactly what you are going through — because they're in the same boat. Disability fetishism is a thing, of course, so keep an eye out for that too as you decide whom to interact with. 

Get Out There!

In the end, you may simply conclude that the "dating model of finding a partner" is simply not something that works for you or that you enjoy very much. If you find dating to be akin to a meat market and you'd prefer to meet your partner elsewhere, you may instead decide to focus on joining new groups (online or offline) at which you'll meet more people.

READ 5 Signs You Are Subconsciously Prejudiced Against Disabled People

Get Out Of There

What if you're stuck on a date with someone you really don't like and you want a way out? If you face mobility issues, you may need a friend to physically bail you out. If not, a good "my cat is ill, I feel so bad, please come comfort me" phone call can come in very, very handy if you want a polite way to exit a situation that just became too awkward or nasty for your liking. Of course, you can just tell your date you don't like them and you're out of here, too.