My Teenager Hates me - What Should I do?

What goes on in the Mind of a Teenager?

I raised three kids to adulthood and not a single day went by that one of them didn’t throw that statement in my face.  But, the good news is, as adults, they love me as un

One day your child is sweet and loving and then it seems that overnight he or she has turned into a completely different person.  Puberty is the culprit; all those raging hormones that are new, exciting, and often frustrating have encompassed your teenager’s body and they aren’t quite sure what to do with them all.  It is a very traumatic time in your child’s life which often carries over into your life.

They are stuck between being a child and being an adult; it’s very confusing for them and unfortunately, you are the one they take out their frustrations on.  It’s at this time in their lives that the rules and boundaries you developed for them as children that they begin to test those rules.  They are becoming more independent and feel the need to have some liberties and freedoms you aren’t ready to give to them.  The word “no” is as painful as a slap in the face as they feel you aren’t considering their feelings at all.  In other words, they are self-centered, self-absorbed individuals emerging into life after spending twelve years in a cocoon.  

How do I Deal With Their Emotional Outbursts?

You could be asked to be put into a medicated coma for five years or you can learn how to talk with your child to help you understand what is going on in their lives.  Some positive suggestions are:

• Talk  with your child instead of arguing with him or her

When your child lashes out at you, generally there is something deeper causing this reaction; it’s up to you to find out what that is.

• Learn what they are saying through their body language

Body language says a lot; you can develop a sort of radar that predicts when your child is about to explode; this gives you the opportunity to stop it before it happens.

• Watch for signs of brewing storms and prepare for them

Slamming doors, pouting, mumbling under their breath are good signs of a brewing storm; you can either hide in the storm shelter until the storm passes or head it off at the pass.  You, of all people on the Earth, know your child the best.

• Allow them to voice their opinions respectfully

This awkward stage in your child’s life has them searching for answers because in their minds the world is an unfair place to live.  Giving your children the ability to openly speak their minds, with respect, shows them you are hearing what they say and helps reduce or by-pass the oncoming explosion that was sure to blow.

• Explain your reasoning about rules and boundaries

As your children become teenagers the rules you made for them as children need to be updated and modified.  Talk to them about the rules and what they think is fair in terms of rules and boundaries.  Compromise with them and meet them half way and you will see that you’ll have a much happier teenager.

These are but a few of the things that can help you get past this very difficult time in both of your lives; you have to remember that your child is as completely confused as you are.  

Hate

Teenagers use this word as loosely as they do the word “love”; in their young, undeveloped cognitive minds they have no real concept to either word.  When they lash out and tell you they hate you, it is the strongest way they know how to get your attention; it is, in fact, a plea for help and understanding.

Don’t dismiss it; deal with it.  Ask them what you did to cause them to hate you; I am sure you will discover that they simply don’t like you very well at that moment because of an enforcement of a rule or you told them “no”.  You love your child with all your heart and it tears at your soul to hear those words come from your child’s mouth, but I doubt there is one teenager in this world that hasn’t said it or thought it at one time or another. 

Standing Your Ground

Often times teenagers will blurt out “I hate you” followed closely by the slamming of a door and possibly a full scale tantrum within the safety of their room.  They do this to try to push you buttons and to try to get you to give in to their demands.  This is no time for bargaining with them; you have to stand firm and stick to the rules and boundaries you have set; if you don’t and you give in, they now have the upper hand and know the secret to getting their own way. 

READ 10% of Teenagers Self Harm

Tough Love

This is a commonly used phrase but seldom practiced because it is so much easier to give in and end the argument than it is to continue to hear your teenager complain, argue, and berate you with guilt trips.  Tough love is hard to enforce because it takes a lot of will power and determination but the over-all effect is almost miraculous. 

Once your teenager sees that you are not backing down, his or her attitude will tend to change.  They get the picture that you are not going to give in and they will begin to give you some slack.  This is not to say that they won’t continue to try to push your buttons because that’s what teenager’s do; that is seemingly their sole purpose in life; to cause you to pull your hair out and beg for mercy. 

Don’t take it too personally; you teenager doesn’t hate you; they hate everything that doesn’t go their way.   This time in their lives and in your life will pass and then you can ship them off to college.