Parenting A Child With ADHD

When you have a child with ADHD, you can feel very frustrated. Kids with ADHD often ignore you, will get up in the middle of an activity and do something else; they are easily-distracted and may leave you waiting to save dinner or go on an outing. Your child may put themselves in physical danger during a burst of hyperactivity.

It's exhausting. It's demanding. And, what can make it worse is that so many people doubt the existence of ADHD as a real and serious illness, chalking your child's hyperactivity, ignoring you and disorganisation up to "bad parenting".

In brief, what is ADHD?

Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder is a behavioural disorder that affects 11% of school-aged children. In up to three-quarters of cases, ADHD continues in to adulthood. There are three primary types of ADHD. Children may experience symptoms of impulsivity, inattention, or hyperactivity. These symptoms must last for at least six months, and be judged to be disproportionate to other children on the same age, in order for a diagnosis of ADHD to be made.

• Symptoms of impulsivity: impatience; interrupting others; blurting inappropriate comments ("He's really smelly!"); acting without thinking of the consequences; difficulty waiting for anything
• Symptoms of inattention: being easily distracted; forgetting things; becoming bored with an activity after a few minutes; difficulty organising a task or learning something new; losing things; easily confused; difficulty following instructions
• Symptoms of hyperactivity: fidgeting in their seats (even during a quiet activity); talking at a rapid pace; constantly playing with everything; running from one thing to another

Advantages of ADHD

While ADHD causes a variety of symptoms, it's not all bad for children with ADHD. Before becoming exasperated with your child, remember the positive effects this disorder can have:

• Greater creativity: Children with ADHD think ten different thoughts at once. This can make them wonderfully imaginative. Through their daydreams, they can become marvellous problem-solvers. Einstein had ADHD.
• Spontaneity: Children with ADHD are lively and have many different interests. This makes them lots of fun to be around, even if they do have you pulling your hair out sometimes.
• Flexibility:Children with ADHD explore all the options at once and don't become fixed on one idea.
• Drive: Believe it or not, once a task really interests a child with ADHD, it's pretty impossible to distract them from it. This gives them real motivation and drive to succeed.

The first step to parenting a child with ADHD

The first step is to accept your child as they are. It can be hard to accept that your wonderful child has a behavioural disorder. You can feel negatively about the child's prospects. You can wonder how your child will ever succeed if they lack concentration. Your child will sense your pessimism and will develop a "who cares" attitude.

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Look at all the gifts ADHD can bestow on a child: creativity, flexibility, spontaneity and drive to succeed. All these things can help a child make a success of their life. So look at those gifts, and love your child unconditionally. ADHD isn't a picnic, but your love will help your child make a success of their life. They have the skills they need. They just need you to help them.

How To Parent A Child With ADHD

Set a consistent schedule and consistent boundaries

It's harder to argue with a schedule than a person. So have routines. Ensure the routine is fairly simple. Too many afterschool activities might get your child wound-up. For bedtime (for example: TV off, bath-time, quiet reading, brush teeth and bedtime). Set a sensible routine for homework, and allow special treats that your child will only receive if they do it (such as playing a computer game for half-an-hour). For younger children you could use a star-chart (one star for each behaviour you want to encourage, and a certain number of stars equals a small prize).

Once a schedule is in place, you don't enforce it with threats or arguments. Instead, you keep the routine consistent. Your child will learn that they can only play their game if they do their homework, and (for smaller children) only get their star if they brush their teeth. This prevents arguments.

Notice positive behaviour

Try to make your family life as positive as possible. Is your child sitting very nicely at the table? Then praise them. Don't overdo it. Just say, "It's so nice to see you sitting so nicely". That praise will boost your child's self-esteem, and also demonstrate the behaviours you want.

Form a good relationship with your child

Take your child out often, remembering to praise good behaviour. Trips to the park, to the cinema, and to the beach all provide opportunities to connect with your child.

Don't always say "no"

Saying "no" is necessary sometimes. But is it necessary to respond to every request with the word? Rather than saying "no", try to work with your child to come up with an alternative solution. Say your child wants to watch TV before doing his homework. Rather than dictating, "No, do your homework". sit down with your child and work our a compromise: half-an-hour TV and then homework, or a snack and then homework before TV for example. This allows your child to feel in control and prevents tantrums.

Remain calm

You have to set a good example and model good behaviour for your child. That means you must never become angry. It will be counterproductive and will only escalate the situation. Meet any anger from your child with calmness.

If you feel your anger rising, step outside for a breath of air.

Remember: your child isn't trying to hurt you

Testing boundaries is part of growing-up. Respond calmly and consistently.

Don't expect your child to be a robot

Parents often have a fantasy, before their child is born. It is a simple dream of children who sit with their hands neatly folded, smiling sweetly. These dream children don't argue, go to bed on time, and eat all their cabbage. If you say your child is like this, I suspect you're kidding yourself or are a member of a cult.

Comfort yourself with the fact that kids, with or without ADHD aren't like that.

You must allow space for your child to argue with you. You must allow your child to debate their bedtime ("Just half-an-hour longer!", to refuse to eat their cabbage because "I hate it", and give them space to express frustrations.

If they are expressing their frustration by hitting their sister, however, this calls for a consequence.

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Discuss the consequences in advance

Work with your child to decide what behaviours are absolutely inappropriate ahead of time (hitting their sister, pulling the cat's tail, etc), and work to decide on appropriate consequences, such as a time-out or loss of privileges (for example, loss of their PlayStation for one day). Always follow through.

Working with your child like this will help them accept the consequences.

Be persistent

Children with ADHD may need longer exposure to consistent parenting before they start responding to the methods.

Parenting children with ADHD is a challenge. But with consistency, love, and by being honest with your child about their condition, you can hope to help your child overcome their challenges and set them on the road for future success.