Single: Is Sperm Donation The Answer?

Adoption, fostering, one-night stands, and sperm donation are all options some women who want to become moms may consider. Is sperm donation the answer? And how should you explore this question further?

 Single mothers by choice come in roughly two categories; those who are single because they want to be single, and those who are single despite hoping to meet a nice man some day. For either of them, working out a way to get their hands on a sperm sample (or lots, as the case may be) is essential if they decide to try to have biological children, rather than to adopt or foster.

Obviously, single mothers by choice have all come to the conclusion that men aren't necessary as rearing parents. Of course, that's true. But choosing a sperm donor has great implications for a child later on, even if moms don't realize it yet. If the same conclusion, that a child doesn't need a father, leads a single mother to think that the way in which conception happens is irrelevant, she may have to rethink this, however. Chris, who grew up in a two-parent family, is in her twenties now and recently found out that she was donor conceived.

Like many individuals who have been withheld important information about their identity (like adoptees), the information about how she was conceived immediately made sense, and she was very relieved. But the knowledge that she'll never find out who her donor was haunts her now. She feels robbed, and has totally changed her views about sperm donation in general. There are several studies on the psychological implications of sperm donation for donor-conceived people, but most are extremely lacking.

These studies do hold, and that makes a lot of sense, that donor-conceived kids born to either single mothers or lesbians have less trouble with their origins than kids that grew up in two-parent families, probably because the facts about sperm donation are hard to hide in a situation where there are only women around. Honesty certainly plays a crucial role in how a donor-conceived person is likely to feel about their identity, but sperm donation remains complex.

READ How to Increase Sperm Count and Improve Sperm Quality Naturally

So, what advice does Chris have for single women who are considering a sperm donor?

She strongly opposes hiding the facts about a child's donor conception, especially where that leads to the illusion that the child's social father is his biological father. Chris thinks sperm donation is less likely to be damaging in single-parent families, but encourages women considering using a donor to choose a donor who is willing to be known, or a known donor who will actually play a part in the child's life. This will eliminate the unknowns that being the child of an anonymous donor from a sperm bank brings. She also points potential single moms by choice to blogs written by donor-conceived people. This way, they can gain unique insights into the things kids of sperm donors may struggle with.