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Translating Compassion To Action: 5 ways To Be More Compassionate And Help People In Need

by — 2020-07-25 in Mental Health
Acting with compassion is simply "human decency 101", you think? Perhaps, but it's easy to lose track, especially when we're under a lot of stress ourselves. Here's what you can do to be more compassionate in an uncertain world, and why that matters.

What is compassion, how can you become more compassionate, and why should you even try?

At first glance, these questions seem to be nothing but a slightly insulting "human decency 101" that may benefit only people who struggle with antisocial personality disorder. The truth is, as always, both more complex and more straightforward.

We live in a world with plenty of suffering — including our own.

We're powerless to help every person who needs support, and not everyone wants our help. Surrounded by infinite wells of emotional pain, we can also easily develop compassion fatigue — a state of mind in which we become emotionally numb and stop caring as a coping mechanism. 

In these times of fear, worry, and uncertainty, compassion forms the foundation of our humanity. At the same time, as we face our own struggles, it's also harder than ever to not only see others' needs, but also to be there for them. What gives? What can we do? 

What is compassion?

You have, of course, heard the word "compassion" before — but are you aware of the multifaceted emotional nature of the concept? Researchers have found that compassion is made up of no less than five different steps:

  • Identifying that someone is suffering or struggling. 
  • Understanding that suffering is universal among humans. 
  • Feeling sympathy for the suffering person. 
  • Accepting or at least tolerating uncomfortable feelings — pretending that someone isn't suffering, the suffering is self-inflicted ("their own fault"), or the suffering person is nothing like us (dehumanization) can allow people to avoid pain by refusing to acknowledge others' pain, after all.
  • Feeling compelled to help, or engage in steps to reduce or stop someone else's suffering. 
Compassion is more than empathy — which can be defined either as understanding another person's perspective or quite literally sharing their feelings. It is also more than altruism, or engaging in selfless acts to benefit others.

We can be compassionate towards other people, but we can also practice self-compassion. Now that we have taken a closer look at the elements of compassion, it becomes clear that self-compassion requires us not just to be kind to ourselves, but also to understand who we are and what we need.

Why should you strive to be more compassionate?

Plenty of cold, hard, scientific reasons to practice compassion exist — and you could certainly pick one or more to motivate you:

  • Being compassionate boosts your own physical and mental wellbeing. 
  • Communities in which most members practice compassion will have lower levels of suffering. 
  • Compassion, practiced by doctors and other health care providers, leads to better clinical outcomes.
  • Raising children with compassion has a greater chance of leading to adults who care about others.
To boil this down to its essence, though — being compassionate benefits both you and the people around you. 

How to become a more compassionate person: Translating empathy to practice

1. Take self-care seriously and know your limits

Nobody can be an all-day compassion machine who lives only to help others. That'd mean neglecting your own needs, and in turn forgetting to practice kindness and compassion toward yourself. In trying to be helpful to everyone, you'd soon burn out — at which point you'd neither be able to meet your own needs, nor those of others. 

Everyone needs to look after themselves, too. That's true for you whether you're a stay-at-home mom of four small children with endless needs, a manager trying to build a compassionate workplace, a nurse on a COVID-19 floor, or even a religious leader for whom compassion is literally part of your job description. 

We don't always have the time to meet our own needs, true, but if you are determined to be a compassionate person, that means recognizing all humans have value — you included. Recharge your batteries when you can. 

2. Try to truly see people

People often put up facades. Pain and suffering may be masked by irritable and aggressive behavior, for instance, but also by a smile and a "really, I'm OK!". These masks are barriers that can prevent us from truly seeing a person's needs. Perhaps they don't want you to see, but that doesn't mean they don't need help — help you may be able to offer.

We put up defensive walls, too, both with people we know and total strangers. It's often easier to race by or mentally explain someone's behavior, actions, or circumstances away without really looking. That homeless person got themselves into a mess, that whining child needs to mature and play nice, that undocumented immigrant should never have come to this country in the first place, and your partner just needs to do the dishes already.

Try to start neither from a point of judging or criticizing, nor trying to fix someone's situation. First, see the person. Try to understand what pain may be hiding behind their behavior, and really listen to them whenever you can. Often, listening alleviates suffering in itself. 

The good thing is that this also works on a more global level — you can examine your own biases even without physical contact with people.

3. Be conscious of your own pain, and how it may affect your viewpoints and mood

We all know that it's easier to be compassionate when we're in a mentally healthy place ourselves, and we feel safe and secure. If we're filled with worry, fear, or uncertainty, or we're overwhelmed with more work than we can handle, it's going to affect how we see others' behavior and moods — negatively. 

Just reminding yourself that any stress you're under is going to change your behavior and thought patterns will help you push past the tunnel vision you can develop, opening you up to seeing the needs of people around you. 

4. Help people who want your help

Not everyone does. Forcing "help" someone doesn't want on them is not compassionate, but intrusive. 

5. Plan acts of compassion — but also leave space for spontaneous actions

You know your sister is lonely? Make sure you take the time to call her. You know that people across the world are going hungry? Donate to the World Food Program if you can. You know that your elderly neighbor needs their lawn mowed but can't do it? See if you can. You know your partner has been feeling extra stressed lately? Make them a special meal and rewatch your favorite movie together. 

Some acts of compassion can be planned in advance. Others cannot. You never know when your neighbor's house is going to catch on fire, and they could really do with someone to temporarily take care of their dog. Or when your colleague will be overwhelmed with a new baby and would love some help completing their tasks. If you have physical and mental energy to give and a opportunity to help presents itself, you can grab it with both hands. 

Sources & Links

  • Photo courtesy of SteadyHealth

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