If you're a teen, you've got questions about love, dating, and sex. It's that simple. You may feel totally comfortable talking to your parents about relationships and friendships, but sex is a different story entirely.
READ Things You Didn't Know About Masturbation
SteadyHealth's discussion boards reflect that. While this site is dedicated to all health-related topics, you'll find teens' questions about sex and puberty on the homepage at any given time. Teens have questions about menstruation, body hair, the opposite sex, masturbation and the "first time". More difficult issues like sexually transmitted diseases and teen pregnancy also come up at times.
We know you're curious, and we also know that sex can have negative consequences that you should know about before you decide engage in it. That's why we think any teen should know all about sex. I — a European mom who is not scared of sex talk — will be your host for today.
Puberty Facts
Puberty marks the first step into the adult world of sex, starting with curiosity about your body and feelings towards the opposite sex (or the same sex, if you're gay!). So, let's start with an overview of puberty. Boys and girls should really know what happens to their own body as well the body of the other sex.
Girls usually begin puberty between the ages of 11 and 12. Most will get their periods at 12, 13, or 14 but others begin menstruating a little earlier or a little later. Beginning breasts are often the first sign of puberty. Girls can also expect pubic hair growth and more hair growth on the legs, body odor, and pimples. Beside that, you might start having sexual feelings towards boys, or other girls. Your vulva — the area around the vagina — will also start looking different.[1]
Girls who start their period can use menstrual pads or tampons, but menstrual pads are excellent for newly menstruating girls because they are easier to use.
If you decide to use tampons, it is important to insert them with clean hands and to change them regularly. Inserting a tampon can be awkward at first, but it should not hurt and it does not take away your virginity — which may be defined as having sexual intercourse for the first time, or engaging in sexual activity for the first time. Inserting tampons is not a sexual act.
Boys tend to start puberty between the ages of 11 and 12. Their first signs may be penis and testicle growth, and pubic hair. Boys actually start having erections (a "hard penis") from birth and perhaps even while they're still in the womb, but you'll probably have one every morning now. Boys can also have wet dreams, during which they ejaculate.
The other important changes in boys are that their voice becomes deeper, they'll develop an Adam's Apple, they'll have more body hair and they'll start growing a little bit of facial hair. This is the time at which you'll want to experiment with shaving. Adult men have heavier bones and more skeletal muscle than adult women, so you might notice some changes there as well. Finally, you'll start being attracted to girls or boys.
One more word about your body: private parts come in all shapes and sizes. The chances are that you are completely normal, so embrace your private parts and the rest of your body without shame.
Sex: The Basics And Beyond
If you're reading this, I think I can safely assume that you already know what sex is, at its most basic. Sexual intercourse involves penetration — a penis in a vagina or a penis in an anus. There's all kinds of sexual positions, and long-term couples develop their own preferences. Oral sex is mouth-to-genital sex. Then there's the "hand job", which is satisfying your male partner with your hand, and fingering or satisfying your female partner with your hand.
Losing Your Virgnity — Are You Ready?
While the concept of "virginity" is essentially rather meaningless, engaging in sexual activity for the first time isn't. It should be exciting, safe, and something you do when you feel absolutely ready — however you personally define losing your virginity. Many teens ask themselves at what age they are ready to lose their virginity. Every person has their own opinions on when a person is ready to have sex for the first time, and that includes your parents. Many people believe that you should be in a committed relationship before doing the deed, or that you should wait until you are married.
READ More Young People having Unprotected Sex
Unless you do wait until marriage and your partner does the same, you'll also need to have safe sex to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.
Are you ready to lose your virginity? Your answer will be shaped by your religious beliefs and your parents'. No matter what your beliefs, I'd like you to know that waiting is totally OK and that you really don't need to have sex unless you are totally sure you want to, and have found the person with whom you want to experience that first time. If you are really young, like under 16, I'd love to encourage you to wait a while even if you are sure you want to have sex, because you might come to regret it later.
The First Time
Girls often ask if they'll bleed when something enters their vagina, and both boys and girls want to know what it's like. Yes, girls can bleed a little, but not always. And the first time will probably be a little awkward. Research shows that both boys and girls often feel pressured into having sex before they are ready — by friends or a partner. Saying no is perfectly acceptable.
Will it hurt? Maybe. If it does, stop. Try again another time if you are not enjoying the experience. You should also know that boys can stop when they've already started, and girls — don't let a boy trick you by telling you he won't enjoy it with a condom. If that's what he says, he isn't the right boy for you.
To answer another popular question, fingering, dry humping, and kissing can't make a girl pregnant. But to be on the safe side, you should always be very careful. Oral sex, using your hands, and even sex with a condom all have risks. You don't want to end up with an unwanted pregnancy or a sexually transmitted disease. If you think you are dealing with either, then you should always see a doctor.[2]
Pregnancy can be avoided by using either birth control pills, or other contraceptive methods, such as condoms or an intrauterine device (IUD), also known as intrauterine contraceptive device (IUCD or ICD) or coil . Only condoms can prevent sexually transmitted diseases.[2]
Some signs of an STD are pimples on your genitals, unusual discharge from your penis or vagina, and pain. Pregnancy signs include a missed period, morning sickness, and fatigue. [3]
Masturbation
Safe sex is hugely important, and let's face it — there is no safer sex than self-sex. Many teens have questions about masturbation. To answer the first, it's totally normal and almost everyone does it. Some people believe it is wrong, and that may include your parents. By masturbating, you get to know your own body and you have a safe way to explore your desires in your hands... literally!
Masturbation was once thought evil and the cause of many diseases. However, it has been proven medically that masturbation does not cause mental illness, physical weakness, or any type of disease or death. Masturbation is a normal aspect of human sexual development.[4]
A few rules for masturbation, though: don't hurt yourself by inserting things that are not made for that or are not hygienic, or doing it so often that your private parts become inflamed. Wash your hands beforehand, or do it in the shower.
Online Predators, Porn, And Peer Pressure
Pedophiles And Sexual Abuse
Teens, like younger children, are at risk of sexual abuse. Sexual abuse is any unwanted sexual touching or sex, whether it's done by someone who is the same age as you or someone who is much older. For now, I want to talk to you about sexual abuse committed by an adult (a pedophile).
It's always wrong for an adult to have sex or engage in sexual activities with a teen or a younger child, but it happens more often than you might think. One in three girls and one in six boys will have had sexual contact with an adult by the time they turn 18. Sexual predators who want to lure teens are almost always men, and they are usually someone you already know — not a stranger.[5]
READ Keeping Kids Safe From Sexual Predators - And Criminal Activity - On The Internet
What should you do if an adult tries to trick you into doing sexual things with them? Safety expert Gavin de Becker advises kids of all ages to tell the predator: "Stop, or I'll tell." That's a good deal for the predator, who might think you won't tell if they stop. Of course, his next bit of advice is to tell anyway. Tell your parents, another trusted adult, the police, or anyone else who will listen.
What if it's already too late, and you have suffered sexual abuse?
No, not even if they initially said they wanted to do it, or were threatened or bribed. It's not you who should be ashamed — it's the person who did it to you. Sexual abuse is a crime punishable by prison time, and the police can help you make sure the person who committed a crime against you or tried ends up behind bars.
To read more about ways in which sexual criminals try to lure teens, I refer you to the Teen Lures Prevention website, which is written for teens by experts. You can find them in the links box below, or by Googling.
READ What Every Parent Should Know About Pedophiles
Online Predators And Porn
Most sexual abuse is, as I said, done by someone a child already knows. In this internet age, there is also another type of predator you should know about — an internet predator. These adults may disguise themselves as teens your age on the internet, or slowly talk you into trusting them. You may chat with them and think they're really nice.
You may be tempted to meet a person you met online, only to find out they are way older than they said they were.
These pedophiles want one thing for sure: to have sex with you. Some can go even further, and want to abduct you or kill you. The message is simple. Never meet anyone you met online in person, or at the very least not without your parents present. Actually, never talk to strangers about sex on the internet at all, because this can be very dangerous.
Porn is another modern-age problem. Studies have shown that many boys and some girls watch online porn, out of curiosity or to get information about sex. Porn is actually very damaging, and the things you can see in porn movies are nothing like real sex. People who act in porn films are often victims themselves, and acting in porn movies can cause real psychological problems for those people. Please stay away from porn.
Peer Pressure
Your boyfriend or girlfriend may try to pressure you into doing sexual things you don't want to do. A recent study showed that as many as one in 10 teens tried to get someone to kiss, touch or have sex with them even when they knew the other person didn't want to.
It's not just a boyfriend or girlfriend who might pressure you, though. Some "friends" make fun of you if you are still a virgin and try to get you to "become a grown-up" by having sex. You don't have any obligation to go along with that type of pressure from friends or romantic partners.
Well, I think that covers the basics. If you are a teen who has a question that wasn't answered in this article, do feel free to leave a comment and I'll be happy to help you.
Sources & Links
- Photo courtesy of Ashley by Flickr : www.flickr.com/photos/31190690@N03/8698001645/
- Photo courtesy of Eleazar by Flickr : www.flickr.com/photos/imagineitall/8668629923/
- Photo courtesy of The home of Fixers on Flickr by Flickr : www.flickr.com/photos/fixersuk/10400980636/in/photostream/