I'm 30 now and although I've had relationships in the past with women, I'm still yet to successfully penetrate a woman. I've done other stuff like mutual masturbation, received handjobs, frottage (naked rubbing) but I have never gone all the way. This has caused me much distress and trauma.
Without boring you with all the details my main concern right now is that I've noticed for a long time I cannot stay hard WITHOUT touching my penis for stimulation. In other words, I have to constantly touch my penis in order to stay excited and reasonably hard. Now this is all in reference to masturbation. I have not been with a woman in a physical sense since my last gf, the relationship which ended back earlier last year (it was horrific, she was a horrible person and treated me like utter c**p, cheating on me and disrespecting me in so many ways and without getting into the details here I'm sure it is one reason why I failed to penetrate the few times we did try and have sex).
So, when I masturbate daily to porn (nearly always softcore only), I notice in order for me to stay reasonably hard I need to keep touching it whilst looking at some stimulating video/pictures. The moment I let go of my penis, it starts getting soft rather quickly. Why is this? I'm worried because I know this should not be happening, right? Should you need CONSTANT stimulation to stay hard? Surely a man like myself (I don't drink, smoke, take drugs, I'm in decent shape, no health issues) should be able to maintain an erection? I realise daily masturbation may not be helping but this is a habit I've had for many years now and so it's hard to suddenly stop. Earlier last month I did infact stop for 8 days (no masturbation and no porn), I noticed very little difference at all but maybe that's not long enough to really change things up. I should have mentioned that I do notice sometimes getting erections without touching myself for example when I'm thinking of something in the past that turns me on. Also I do get morning erections (not everyday but def have got them recently). So I don't know. However what bothers me is maintaining them. How are erections maintained? Do you need constant stimulation the entire time? Once you stop thinking sexual thoughts or seeing something that turns you on would your erection subside as a result? E.g say you're about to get it on with your partner and you're hard and ready to go but then she leaves the room to get some condoms...how would you remain hard in that situation? Should it be normal that you would remain hard without having to see or think about anything sexual? I did go and see the doctor about this back in April and they said they'll refer me to a specialist to which I insisted...never heard back. But that's typical, they don't give a c**p about these sorts of issues. So I will go back on Monday and try again.
The larger issue in all of this is being a technical virgin at my age has really affected my self esteem now. Even though I am a decent looking guy who is outgoing and friendly, have had relationships where I have been physical, the fact remains I still haven't achieved penetration. I know this issue simply does not go away. I feel sorry for myself constantly and have no motivation to do anything else until this issue is resolved and extremely depressed to the point where I wish I was never born. The few times I did try, I failed. I feel like this has to be greatest failure of a man. Being unable to have sex because of outside factors is one thing but trying and then failing to have intercourse ... I can't think of anything worse in life.
I feel for you.
Go to the doctor. Get a script for Viagra, Levitra, or Cialis. It's straightforward, not an admission of anything, and will do wonders for your confidence and self esteem, to the point where once you're in a steady relationship that works, you may not even need it anymore.
Good luck.
First off let me say: I'm in the same boat.
I can't tell you what works for sure but I can tell you exactly what makes things worse.
That whole 'I want to PROVE that I'm able to perform' thoughtpattern is pure poison.
See even if you get hard with an escort or an ONS you will always keep wondering
'Ok this worked but WILL IT WORK NEXT TIME?' It's a very bad cycle to be in. (Trust me)
You are putting SO MUCH pressure on yourself telling yourself that you are a failure and that life is not worth living without being able to have sex anytime&with anyone.
I do the same.
You need a completely changed mindest that isn't obsessed about sex&women in general.
I know this is VERY hard, I can't really say I have achieved that but you need to get your mind off these things and start caring about more importand stuff.
Life is so much more than just sex.
And believe me when I say that when you'll find that special someone she will STAY WITH YOU NO MATTER if you have erections or not. Because she loves YOU not your hard penis.
And this by itself will TAKE SO MUCH pressure off you that eventually you two will find a playful way to have sex and enjoy it. I promise it to you.
Go out, find new passions and enjoy yourself and other things. I HATE the fact that sex can't be forced but it really can't...at least as a man.
This whole 'The more you want it - the less you get it' forces us men to change our approach on things instead of brutforcing it haha
Sadly we are not machines.....or maybe that's a good thing because this allows us to FEEL so much more.
Stay calm.
Ps: If you are extremeley depressed you could go for 1-3 years of travelling. I'm 100% serious. If you don't enjoy your day-to-day life what's the point. Just pack your bag and discover the world.
Also this will FORCE you to take your mind of to more importand things and with time you will get calm&heal.
Stay well bro
Im 35 and I haven't even had a GF, im not ugly im just a loner, I have a job I work 6 days a week, its just that I keep getting rejected by women, I have tried online dating ive tried dating agencies, not one woman says yes to me, ive tried picking up girls in the mall, ive tried going to a cooking class to pick up woman, all make excuse and say no.
So ive given up on woman, I really have, only thing I haven't tried is like going to china or the phillipines to try and score, but I couldn't be bothered anymore.
I once even asked out a little homeless chick that was reasonably good looking, I said if I buy you something to eat will you hang out with me, SHE SAID NO.
Yes I masturbate every day to porn, so what?
There is no point in going to a prostitute, I tried that once, couldn't even get an erection to get a ha****b let alone penetration.
Ive tried ciallis and Viagra, nothing works, and I couldn't be bothered getting an operation and risk it.
So that's my miserable life, NO GF, No friends, a 35yr old Over worked depressed VIRGIN, yes im angry and sad, but I have a job I hate but it pays the bills, I have a car and I own my own little place.
I don't drink and I don't smoke, I don't exercise either and I don't eat fruit and veges, but im NOT fat.
SO that's my miserable life, so all you guys who cant get it up don't worry, at least im saving money not spending it on woman or prostitutes just to have sex, which I know wont make me happy anyway.