Couldn't find what you looking for?

TRY OUR SEARCH!

I have been struggling with this decision since i found out that i was pregnant. Weighing the good and the bad.. and have decided not to go through with the pregnancy. I already have a daughter who is almost 4 and now am pregnant with another mans child. He wants the baby, and wants to be a father but lives 5 hours away and lives in a different country (he is in the US i am in Canada). I just don't think that this is the right time for me. He is totally against abortion, and would hate me forever if he ever found out. But i just don't see this relationship working in the long term, I love him but when i envision our lives 5 years down the road... i see me being a full time mom of 2 babies from different dads and he and i no longer being together. I feel selfish and horrible doing this to him.. but at the same time, i just can't do it... but I'm afraid of what's going to happen after i wake up from the abortion.. and I am no longer pregnant.. i don't want to wake up thinking that i made a horrible mistake... i don't want to wake up and hate myself for killing his child... i just don't want to cry anymore.. I have been crying for 9 weeks.. trying to figure out what to do.. i just want to know that i am making the right decision for me and my 3 year old daughter. Because i know that she and i have to come first in this decision... but he so wants to be a daddy.. i just don't think that he wants to be a husband...a family.. I have decided to tell him that i had a miscarriage and leave it at that.. and i see shortly after, the relationship ending because i don't think i will be able to look him in the eye. I just want it to be over..

Loading...

some times things happen for a reason, are you posting on here for someone to tell you that its the right choice or for someone to stop you?

I must tell you that although you may see an abortion as a means to an end its far from it. be prepared to deal with the emotional problems following the termination. i had an abortion, I was sure it was what I wanted from the moment i found out. it wrecked me for years afterward. From the moment i had it I knew i'd made a huge mistake.

Honestly, you can do it. You make think its hard but have faith you can do it. and also believe that its happened for a reason and the right things will happen so that you can cope and get through it all. You can NEVER predict the future!
Reply

Loading...

I am 19 years old... i live with my mother... i am not married and not in college i have a job but i make such little money that i can hardly pay 90 dollars of bills each month. But i think that being pregnant is an amazing thing that so many people dont have the chance of. My older sister got pregnant when she was 15 years old and she got an abortion and she still (25 now) thinks about it alot. she has a son now who is almost 5 and she loves him with all her heart. but when she got pregnant again she thought that she could do nothing but get an abortion because she thought that it was the only way out. but it is never the only way out! I finally convinced my sister that what she was doing was just an easy way out and that she was just scared and she needed to stop being a wimp and just deal with it.
So she did and now she has a beautiful daughter as well. yes she has a very hard time with money but at leat she can know that she didnt f**k sh*t up for her daughter. and i have to say that the same goes for you... you just want to take the easy wqay out but you cant!!! The easy way out it harder for everyone else... it is your fault that you got pregnant so you should have to live with the consequeses... you know what i mean? i am not judging you or trying to offend i am just trying to open your eyes so that you can see what an awefull thing that you are considering. just because you dont like the idea.
Please dont do it! Your daughter will never forgive you if she finds out!
Reply

Loading...

wow can i relate to that i was with my ex for 6 years and we wanted to have childern. we were unable to because of my extreme case of endo...we broke up 2 months and 2 weeks ago. i started dateing someone new but i never considered it serious i just discovered i am 2 months and 1 week prego wich means i got prego the very first time we slept together...he is so excited and im a nervous mess im ive just started completlly fresh living with roomates and i recently wrecked my car. so i dont have much to start with. to top it off i found out 2 days ago im haveing twins. i now i truely dont want this but the father wants it more then anything. when i spoke to him about an abortion he told me he would just adopt them and they would never have to know but i could not carry for 9 months n then just hand them away. i tried talking to my family but i have 2 sisters that also can not have children so they dispise an abortion saying they would also adopt so now i just feel greedy. exspecially since i have no desire to be with the father at all anymore we were broken up since the day before i found out about the babies. i dont love him so i also thought about getting an abortion n saying i miscarried but i feel so guilty! so i keep putting everything off. im so freakn confused!
Reply

Loading...

BabyCay I just want to tell you that you are the only one that can make the decision to have an abortion. Look I just had an abortion last friday. My reasons were selfish you could say but in a way also it was because of my health. My husband and I decided that it was not the right time for another child I have been having a hard time with it. I am in school, working, have so much in my life. My blood pressure goes sky rocket when I am pregnant and was told not to get pregnant again. SO i had to make that choice. I regret it, i really do but having another baby might have taken me away from my 2 girls and my new baby. I am at odds end I don't know what is right what is wrong. What I do know is you won't be able to forget no matter how hard you try. 1 week ago i was pregnant now i am not. I cry and i feel sad and i miss my baby...I know that it was the right thing to do I have to forgive myself for it. I don't knwo if this helps you but I hope it does. I just want you to know if you do have an abortion please go get some help afterwards. I am tomorrow, I am not going to tell my health care provider that I had an abortion, I don't know if I should but battleing with depression before, I am suffering again. Need to get help. Hope that everything works out for you And god be with you. He always forgives but you have to ask and you have to mean it that you want his forgiveness.

Always Crystal
Reply

Loading...

This is really frusturating to read as my sister has been trying to get pregnant for almost 4 years now and to think there are people having un protected sex and getting rid of babies like that is really annoying,
All i can say is..I have heard MANYYYYYYYYYYY people say they regret getting an abortion, but when have you ever heard someone regret having a child? NEVER..especially when you already have a child...you shouldnt be able to bring yourself to do it i would think thats just strange to me..i am 23 and i have a 4 yr old and a 1 yr old...they are my world and my life...i got pregnant at 18 and knew there was no options for me but to have him i never even thought anything else. people told me to consider my options, i never listened he is the smartest most handsome little boy ever...so i just dont understand!
Reply

Loading...

I know that you feel stuck but i think you will think you made the wrong mistake. You have to be really able to handle the after affect of the abortion. You also can not tell your boyfriend that you miscarried because it will eat at you more knowing that you have killed that life. It will not be easy but if you look at the good im sure you will find a way to keep it. i wish you the best of luck.
Reply

Loading...

This whole pro-life/pro-choice issue on abortion really goes back to this, in the end. Specific circumstances can alter people's views. It seems that the most pressing issues are 1) ability to provide for the new baby (and not just financially), 2) the emotional issues everyone is certain will come with abortion, and 3) how the now-pregnant woman visualizes her life with the father down the road.

I became pregnant at sixteen, the first time I had sex with my current fiance (yep we've been dating a long time), but I had a miscarriage a month later. I cried, became depressed and withdrawn, and had constant stomach pains. After getting out of that rut, I felt that I wanted to have a child to replace the lost one, so at seventeen I became pregnant again. But the reality of how much this would change my life hit me, and though my fiance supported me and wanted me to keep it, my other friends and family members were leaning toward abortion or adoption. I knew I couldn't do the latter, because my mother was adopted and never quite forgave her birth parents, and in turn she abandoned me when I was four. But being pro-life, I was completely against abortion. My father, though, pushed me into having an abortion. I didn't want to, and changed my mind at the last second. The doctor performed the procedure anyways (which is illegal, but I really have no proof of that since I signed the damned papers), and now not a day goes by when I don't think about my lost daughter, Renee Lorraine Small would have been her name. Whenever I see a kid or baby I wonder what she would have been like. Believe me: the regrets will never completely go away. I can't say how I would be feeling if I /had/ wanted to go through with it, but I'm sure I would still be feeling emotional pain.

Bottom line? Weigh all your options (maybe you could find a way to raise your child, or perhaps adoption isn't out of the question), and don't go through with it unless it is your firm decision to do it. Any hesitance turns into depression and pain later on. And if you /do/ go through with it, never linger on if you made the right decision, because that'll only inspire doubts. Instead, put this experience to use in the future.

And also--though I know this is unheard of for this day and age--don't have sex with a guy unless you love him and he's a potential marriage mate! Then you wouldn't have to worry about torn or single-parent families!
Reply

Loading...

okay..i just went through this a week ago.i have a baby and got pregnant from another man [my new relationship].i was 9 weeks and 4days when i got my abortion..and before i went to the clinic thats all i thought about.should i? should i not? what if...? i feel a little relieved BUT the emotional pain i feel out weighs that little relieve that i have. i cant see a pregnant woman.or a new born baby.i try to avoid pregnancy sites.and when i look at my son [16 months old] i think about what if i wouldve kept the other baby...how would it have been..im very hurt..i didnt know how the surgical abortion procedure was..or that i was going to be fully awake and hear everything and feel everything.and that kind of traumaticed me.i just wish somebody would have talked to me before..
Reply

Loading...

I don't normally get involved in things out of my league, but that comment is completely unfair. If you want an abortion your decision is final. Of course, discuss it with friends and relatives but whatever you decide you should not be ridiculed in any way.



You have to make the best decision for yourself, your immediate family and that unborn child. And if that is an abortion or not then so be it.



Whatever decision you make, there will be people here and in your life who will and can support you and help you through it. Just ignore the numpties like this 'guest' who obviously don't know your situation.



All the best,



Matt.
Reply

Loading...

Hi BabyCay, are you still around? I am curious to see if you are since a lot of people have posted on this thread well after you let. I'd like to hear what you ended up deciding. If you're still around, tell me. Thanks!
Reply

Loading...

I don't think that it's fair to tell someone what they should or should not do.. I have recently had an abortition myself and I did it for the best reasons, Yes i felt hurt but at the end of the day I want to give my child everything and not have to worry about anything, so for those who have an opinion on "I think its wrong " how about you put yourself in that position and then you can talk until than NOBODY WILL EVER HAVE THE RIGHT TO JUDGE SOMEONE ELSE ! BabyCay i know how u feel don't let no-one make your descions for you because you are the only one that can live your life !
Reply

Loading...

No, you may not understand, but some people think of the bigger picture, which is totally acceptable. Your 23 with 2 kids? In all honesty and will all due respect, I think that says alot about yourself. I hope for your childrens sake that you are not struggling and they are getting everything they need.



My choice for having an abortion was because I know I would not be able to cope, and also I would not financialy be stable. Also, I have ALWAYS said I will NEVER live off the council because I think its disgusting that young girls are getting pregnant either intentially or unintentianally and cannot support their kids so they look to the council to help them out, taking more of tax payers money. My money, might I add. I have been in athe same (good) job from the day I left school and I have my own place. Even with that in mind, i STILL couldnt cope financially.



In my eyes, if you cannot support a child, don't have one until you can. I made a mistake, and I did the right thing by not bringing another child into this world without being able to support them. And I did what was right for me.







BabyCay - Please do not listen to peoples harsh words or trying to 'push' you in either direction. Do what is best for YOU. Not your man, or anyone else, YOU.



x
Reply

Loading...

I agree, DO NOT push yourself, follow you reasoning, I am Pro life and NEVER for a second saw myself in your position, however I did! I went through years of turmoil and pain, this is hormonal mostly and you constantly question yourself. BUT in the long run you had your reasons, you made an informed decision, and it was right for you at the time, you HAVE to remember that and never punish yourself, whichever path you choose, and NEVER let any PRO LIFER make you feel bad. I know there are many people out there that struggle to have a baby, I am sad for them, but this is not THEIR isue or choice, it is YOURS, be strong and be careful who you choose to share this information with!! Those of us having found ourselves in situations, putting our current families at ris are the only ones to understand why we would make such a harsh decision.
Reply

Loading...

i would like to say that people should not judge.  you never know what you will do until you are in that situation.  i am 33 years old and do not have children yet.  i am 7 weeks, 3 days pregnant and will have an abortion.  i too was completely against abortion until i was put in the situation where i had to choose.  the father of my child is extremely verbally and emotionally abusive and has been this way for almost 2 years.  recently, he started getting physical - hitting me in my face, and last night throwing a cup at me because i said something about him going out.  i know that financially, i can not support this child, as i'm already struggling as it is.  i know that he cannot financially support a child because he does not have a stable job and sometimes doesn't even have money for food (so i have to make sure there's food), but he always has money for beers when he's with his friends.  he got so angry last night, throwing keys, and food and the cup.  he told me i just mustn't have the baby (after weeks of telling me he's against abortion), and he's not staying around for 9 months of me being sick. 

this is especially hard for me because i am going to be 34 this year, no kids, and who knows if i will ever meet someone and have kids in the future. my family is not around, and i have no friends here.  i am totally alone with no support structure.

he feels that he will have money for the baby when the baby is here (not realistic thinking if he doesn't have money now), he says he will change and not get so angry once the baby is here (why would he change then overnight), he says that he will stop going out so much once the baby is here (why would he when now he says he needs his personal time and doesn't want to be stifled - why would he stay at home once the baby is there.  won't he then want more time to himself).

so let me say to the women out there who have this difficult decision to make ... only you can make the decision because only you know your situation.  yes, it's hard, but, in my opinion, wouldn't it be selfish to keep a baby that you KNOW you cannot give a good life to?  to those women out there that JUDGE.  look at the plank in your own eye before you highlight the splinter in someone else's.

Reply

Loading...